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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can people be late everytime?

135 replies

LimitedEditionLady · 19/07/2013 13:40

AIBU to be really annoyed that my friend is literally NEVER on time?It is not even just five minutes,its usually at least an hour!

OP posts:
DeepPurple · 19/07/2013 13:40

I have a friend like that. I tell her 30 mins before the actual meeting time just so I'm not waiting too long!

WafflyVersatile · 19/07/2013 13:43

Because her time is more important than yours.

I have a friend who is the same.

weisswusrt · 19/07/2013 13:44

I have a friend like this. I make her pick me up from my home now if we are to meet/do anything together. I don't even put my shoes on or look for my handbag until she arrives.

Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 19/07/2013 13:47

Aaaaaargh its really making me mad.
Ive got a child here who has been excited all day to go out.

OP posts:
Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 19/07/2013 13:48

Theres one thing messing me about,but my kid?uh oh no way.

OP posts:
Fraxinus · 19/07/2013 13:50

Does she show up every time?

The worst is when people let you know an hour after they are due that they are not coming at all.

TuttiFrutti · 19/07/2013 13:52

They are only late when it has no consequences for them, as they see it. Have they ever missed a plane? Probably not. They CAN be on time when they have to be, but as a previous poster has said, they don't see your time as important.

Fraxinus · 19/07/2013 13:53

Sometimes I think it is not conscious decision to waste your time as she feels you are worth less than her. It is probably often a case of not being organised, focussed or methodical about getting ready, and having a poor concept of how long things really take.

I did some training about neurological development, and if someone is traumatised in childhood, apparently on on the things that can be diminished in their neurology is an accurate awareness of time.

Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 19/07/2013 13:54

Isnt that really not nice though?especially when she always picks the time to suit her.summats got to be said,ill make a jokey dig.its usually her doing her friggin hair.fgs.

OP posts:
Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 19/07/2013 13:55

My mate is a chartered pyschologist.im hoping she has some sense of organisation!

OP posts:
JRmumma · 19/07/2013 14:01

This drives me mad. If you have to be ready at x time, and you know it takes you 45 mins to get ready, then star getting ready 45 mins before x time! Its not rocket science!

Ok if you have a very young child it may not be that straight forward, but then allow more time to get ready at least!

I have a friend who has never been ready when she is supposed to be and thinks that 'oh i got distracted and ended up cleaning the bathroom' is a reasonable excuse.

Original poster
LimitedEditionLady · 19/07/2013 14:04

Oh no theyre childless,i am the one who is always,ready and explaining why they cant goto the activity and i got more than me to deal with.

OP posts:
aquashiv · 19/07/2013 14:09

Could be many things she might be testing you to check you are laid back enough to go with this. She could be someone who hates the structure of being on time. She might be just disorganised. SHe might try to do too much at the last minute. She might just be one who gets away with it and is never challenged so to her its a non issue.
What does she way when you ask her why she does it?
I have a friend like that if she isn't there I go though. So she is now early unless if there is children involved then waits are to be expected.

WithaPickleOnTop · 19/07/2013 14:13

I also had a friend like this.
Yet on the odd occasion that they were on time, if I was even a minute late, they would blow their top.

itsallshitandmoreshit · 19/07/2013 14:21

It's just complete lack of respect for you and a sense that she and her time are more important than you.

Late people are just more selfish than 'average' people.

It's not normal to hurt someone by letting them down all the time.

I have given up on late people. I maintained friendships with these people in my 20's and30's but now I'm in my 40's I don't bother.

Longdistance · 19/07/2013 14:26

I have a married couple friend like this.

Like pp we say a time 30 minutes before we should, so to me they're not late. And we can be 'late' iygwim.

Weirdly enough, we went to Dublin for a short break, and flew there. Funnily enough, they weren't late.

MerylStrop · 19/07/2013 14:36

DH is like this.
Drives me mental.
Problem boils down to being so optimistic about what can be achieved in the time available that he thinks he can bend the laws of physics
Just tell him he has to be somewhere an hour in advance and remind him that being late is not a quirky and endearing thing
If someone was half an hour late without apology I would assume they were not coming and get on with my day

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 19/07/2013 14:46

my dh is always always fecking late. drives me absolutely barmey! i tried putting his watch, his alarm clock and the kitchen clock 10 mins forward to see if it helped... but nope... he noticed the next day and put them all "correct"

im the type that is always 5-10 mins early which i know doesnt help either Confused

twistyfeet · 19/07/2013 14:54

I have several friends like this. I now no longer tell dd (who has ASD so is in total meltdown by the time they do arrive) that they are coming because they will often be several HOURS late.
Its just rude. One friend I eventually ditched.

MrsMook · 19/07/2013 15:00

I tend to be late- it's a long running family trait. People tend to run to a consistent level of lateness, and the part that gets me every time is the getting out of the house bit. What should be 5 mins seems to be at least 15mins of rounding up things like glasses, nappies and infants. Part of it is a fear of being early and intruding on someone getting ready or havining an emergency tidy-up. My BiL tends to run early and its a right PITA as you're sweaty and messy from cleaning, still putting the vacuum away or getting changed as he turns up. At least if you know someone is consistently late you've got time to relax once you're ready (assuming you weren't heading on to somewhere for a specific time).

I try and factor in contingency time- I'm more successful the longer the distance is. I tend to ring once I'm in the car to avoid someone lurking and waiting.

Ginocchio · 19/07/2013 15:16

I'm slightly guilty of this. I now have an understanding with a friend that it's either eg 3pm 'their' time, or 3pm 'my' time (ie 3.20...)

Drquin · 19/07/2013 16:25

I think it's the late "every time" which gets me wound up!
I get there'll always be the odd last minute crisis or traffic jam or whatever .... But when its the same people who always have the crisis, yet others would appear to sail through life with no apparent lost keys / goldfish which needs feeding etc, it does get a bit wearing.
I've got to admit I'm in the camp of believing it suggests you just don't value my time ..... So there's some friends I've dropped over the years (although in fairness, there'd be other reasons as no-one is perfect!) and others who I will never arrange to meet on a street corner! You can pick me up, and at least if you're late I can finish my own bottle of wine ...

If it wouldn't out me, I'd tell you the story of being late for a funeral .... ;-)

JRmumma · 19/07/2013 16:28

Meryl, i love that, bending the laws of physics. Why are some people so unrealistic about how long things take?

MrsMook if you know it us gonna take 15 mins to get out the door and not 5, then factor 15 mins in!! You have just epitomised the difference between someone who is punctual, and someone who isn't. Im not having a go at you, but that's exactly the kind of thing that would make me angry if used as an excuse.

greeneyed · 19/07/2013 16:36

Everyone is different my DSIS is like this and whilst annoying I know it's just the way she is. She never factors in time for the inevitable things that slow you up, is always surprised how long things take and incredibly disorganised (washing last minute, no sterilised bottles, no petrol in car etc). It's always this way so I just factor it in now and manage my son's expectations by not giving him a specific time or telling him a later time for their arrival, if important I always phone ahead an hour or so beforehand to gee her along.

Peoples brains are wired differently and neurotransmitters play a part in motivation, procrastination etc.

softlysoftly · 19/07/2013 16:47

I am consistently late, usually between 10-15m.

I am not selfish.

I HAVE missed trains, a plane once, appointments and regularly work. Honestly fucks me right off.

I do stuff like get up extra early, get stuff ready the night before, get kids fully ready before breakfast etc etc and yet a I am always at preschool 9.05/9.15 but our Friday activity even though it's later and I have exactly the same waffle up time/routine add a preschool day I turn up between 10.35-10-45.
If someone could explain to me why this happens I would be very greatful. It's not nice being the "late" "disorganised" friend who gets digs all the time. While family is the same.

An hour is not fair though.

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