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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU/petty to say something about this?

51 replies

Onroute66 · 18/07/2013 10:32

I'm really annoyed right now but don't know if I'm being ott.

Went to last assembly today, all of the children with 95% attendance or above stood up for a round of applause and also got enterered into a prize draw to win something very nice.

I sat there and waited, and ds name didn't get called out so he didn't get to stand up and be clapped. He got his 100% certificate for the term, but not for the year. So I'm assuming he probably didn't go into the prize draw either.

I'm not overly hung up on attendance, but if they're going to do something to acknowledge it, I'd rather ds wasn't missed out.

Is it worth mentioning it later at hometime or just leave it as there's nothing that can be done now anyway?

OP posts:
YourHandInMyHand · 18/07/2013 10:33

I'm guessing it's those that have had it for the year rather than just the term?

YouTheCat · 18/07/2013 10:35

Not worth mentioning. It won't change anything and if his attendance for the year was less than 95% he wouldn't have been eligible anyway.

CockyFox · 18/07/2013 10:35

I would say something if I was sure he had been there 95% of the time.

Original poster
Onroute66 · 18/07/2013 10:36

No, it was for children who have had 95% attendance or above for the whole year, which he has had above 95% throughout the whole year.

He was supposed to be called out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onroute66 · 18/07/2013 10:37

I know he has had 98% as it was on his school report last week, he's only had 1 day off this year.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 18/07/2013 10:39

It is very annoying but it is probably an oversight and if you mention it will make you look like an OTT parent - unfair I know. I mentioned something similar once and was made to feel as if I was being very petty and nothing was done about it anyway.

Can you make a joke of it with your DS - something along the lines of 'I know your attendance was over 95% so I will treat you to 'something special'.

MidniteScribbler · 18/07/2013 10:39

So it was an error. You could say something, but is it really worth it? The most you'll get is a "we're sorry, we missed a name at the last assembly we held...".

Geez I hate attendance awards.

HoldingHigh · 18/07/2013 10:41

Oh god don't get me started on the 95% attendance thing. One of my DC came home with a letter back in Jan about their attendance being slightly lower than 95 for that one term. Bearing in mind they'd had chicken pox so couldn't very well go to school anyway. I phoned up the school and they told me not to worry as it's only Jan and they can make it up through out the rest of the year as long as they turned up daily.

My point was if they're telling me not to worry then why send the bloody letter. My kids are in school every day unless illness takes over.

Original poster
Onroute66 · 18/07/2013 10:42

I totally agree that there is too much focus on attendance. You can't help being ill.

But if the school are going to make a big who har about it, I'd rather they didn't miss a child out. They feel proud standing up and being clapped.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onroute66 · 18/07/2013 10:44

Please can people not focus on whether or not they agree with attendance awards though.

If he'd been missed off a good work mention, would I be justified in saying something then?

OP posts:
MotherofDragons82 · 18/07/2013 10:45

I think you're being a bit OTT, sorry. I wouldn't say anything as you'll look petty - just explain to your son that it must've been a mistake.

MidniteScribbler · 18/07/2013 10:47

You're determined, so there's nothing anyone can say that will stop you bringing it up with the school anyway.

Original poster
Onroute66 · 18/07/2013 10:52

No I'm not determined! If the majority say no point, then I won't bother.

I'm not the one who makes up the idea to acknowledge good attendance, or the one who decided to give out a rather big prize for good attendance. But the head stands and gives a big speech about how important attandance is etc, they've done this prize. It was in the newsletter ages ago so ds knew he'd be part of it as he'd had good attendance, so I'm just meh that he wasn't.

OP posts:
wonderingsoul · 18/07/2013 10:54

id get my son to ask his teacher.
that way your not being an ott parent but your son will "get his say" plus its a good skill for him it hink.

all he has to do is ask his teacher at a quite time why he wasnt called becasue he had so n so percentage? she may look into it, but even if she doesnt your son will have learnt its ok to question things and build his confideance in standing up for himself.

cory · 18/07/2013 10:56

"If he'd been missed off a good work mention, would I be justified in saying something then?"

I wouldn't, school/life is long, you gain very little by making a fuss and there is little the school can do about it: it's the last assembly, they can't go back and do it again.

It is not like this is going to influence your ds' education in the future or that he will even remember it (unless he sees you upset) when he goes back to school in the autumn.

In the nicest possible way, I think it would be better for your ds if you didn't get too closely involved with everything that happens at school.

Often parents do most good as calm, unshakeable presences that you can take your worries to because you know it won't upset them too much:

"I had a horrible day today, Mrs X was Unfayyyer and I'm Never Going to Play with Lauren Again!!!"

"Oh dear, you do look upset, never mind, let's have tea now and then see about going to the park".

Parents who feel they have to Do Something every time anything goes wrong can result in children gradually becoming afraid to tell their worries.

Save your interventions until they are really needed and they will have far more force.

Pawprint · 18/07/2013 10:58

That would upset me too as it isn't fair he wasn't acknowledged. These things matter to a child. Personally, I would have a word with his teacher and just say you are concerned that your ds might be upset about being overlooked.

cornflakegirl · 18/07/2013 11:00

I'd mention it - like you say, if they're going to make a big thing of it, it needs to be right. We might recognise that it's fairly unimportant in the grand scheme of things, but the whole pester-power effect of attendance rewards is predicated on the children thinking it's important.

RoooneyMara · 18/07/2013 11:04

Attendance incentives are shit. I wouldn't say anything, but I might consider changing schools.

Original poster
Onroute66 · 18/07/2013 11:06

I'm not too closely involved with things at school.

I'm not one of these parents who in every week about this or that. He's had a fairly smooth year.

Part of the reason I'm annoed is because I never get to go to assembly as I'm at work, he's always nagging me asking when I'm going to go. And I was able to go today as I knew he'd be standing up for his good attendance award. They do termly awards and yearly awards, for both 100% and 95% or above plus a prize draw. I'm simply saying that they did a huge emphasis on good attendance, spent 15 minutes or so on it and I was/am just upset that he was missed off. I'm not overly invovled, or a fusspot and ds is quiet and well behaved and pretty average so is often overlooked, which is why it's nice when I can actually be involved/he gets aknowledged.

I also don't think that ds will be very upset, he's only 5, and I think he soon forgot as his house team won a treat for this afternoon so he'll be more excited about that atm.

OP posts:
Original poster
Onroute66 · 18/07/2013 11:07

Changing schools? Why are you being ridiculous?

OP posts:
Mia4 · 18/07/2013 11:09

YANBU to feel annoyed for your DS but as Ragwort suggested joking with him is probably the best way to go. You could mention to the teacher about it in order to get him a certificate but that depends on just how bothered he is by it- if he doesn't care then just don't, otherwise he will become bothered.

RoooneyMara · 18/07/2013 11:11

Erm Hmm

I'm not trying to be ridiculous, sorry if it came across that way. Perhaps I should not have spoken.

Original poster
Onroute66 · 18/07/2013 11:13

He's had the certificates each term, 2 for 100% and one for excellent.

He was basically just missed off the list for the prize draw! They got them to all stand up for a clap then pulled a name out to win a bike! Two bikes in fact, one for key stage one and one for key stage 2.

OP posts:
umpti67 · 18/07/2013 11:13

I think you could mention it, if it's not too late for the prize draw. Mine read six books over last summer for the library reading scheme and didn't get called out to get her medal in assembly - I did mention that because she'd put a lot of work into it. It's unfortunate but occasionally it happens.

cory · 18/07/2013 11:14

RoooneyMara, if the OP was to change schools to get away from attendance certificates she would shortly run out of schools. And changing schools whenever anything isn't perfect hardly sends a very good or happy message to the ds.

Otoh if you were trying to be sarcastic, I think that was unwarranted to an OP who did not at all come across as hysterical or overreacting.

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