Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long winded, but please tell me straight

51 replies

ijustwanttobeme · 11/07/2013 20:31

back story: DSS and his GF moved back in with us in Mar 2012 ( from privately rented accom) so that the could save for a year for a deposit.

We agreed an amount of rent (£320) which was for, gas, electric, water, internet etc; plus our garage is full to bursting with all their furniture, as is half our shed/log cabin. DP has plumbed in their washing machine in garage, so we don't have to take turns with ours. They buy/ cook their own meals but we occasionally eat altogether, eg: take aways, BBQs.

Although always paid, it is never on time, or paid in instalments. For the record rent is 1/3 of total bills etc on their old flat.

FF to a month ago. They were going on holiday with GFs parents who had a time share villa abroad. All flights etc paid for GFs parents.

GF came to me a day before they went and gave me £240 and said, ' I'd rather give this to you now as we aren't around when rent is due'. I said that it could wait till they were back and could pay all of it, but she insisted I took it.

They have now been back two weeks and no sign of remainder.

I asked DSS about it and he looked blank, but said he would speak with GF.I got a text from her that said, ' I didn't think we'd have to pay while we were away'. Followed by a 2nd text shortly afterwards saying, ' I didn't think we had to pay, as I don't earn much and neither does DSS....Plus we are living with family and so I presumed we wouldn't have to pay....but if you insist I'll get you the money.

I said I was not insisting but simply asking for the rent that was agreed way back when they first moved in.....WIBU??

OP posts:
Sparklymommy · 11/07/2013 20:33

Not at all. If you have a mortgage you still have to pay if your on holiday! YANBU!

CMOTDibbler · 11/07/2013 20:34

YANBU. They agreed to pay a v reasonable amount of rent, and they should pay you it. Bet they aren't saving for that deposit either

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 11/07/2013 20:37

YANBU they're taking the piss. I think you need to sit them down and ask them how their savings are going...also, warn them that they;ll need to set up a direct debit for future payments.

ThePieSmuggler · 11/07/2013 20:37

Honestly? I think you could be a bit more lenient with them, I think I would be, they are family after all, however I appreciate different families have different dynamics. I suppose YANBU, but possibly a bit mean in my opinion. Sorry.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 11/07/2013 20:37

If they were to stay with you for a year to save for a deposit, now would be a good time to start asking how they were getting on looking for a mortgage/house...

HaroldLloyd · 11/07/2013 20:39

WHAT? Thats outrageous.

I would just confirm their understanding that in the real world where all the real people live rent bills mortgages and the like continue to be payable when your on holiday!

EllaFitzgerald · 11/07/2013 20:39

I'd be inclined to tell them that you're going on holiday and don't think it's fair that you have to pay the mortgage when you aren't there, so you trust they'll be paying it in your absence!

Gruntfuttocks · 11/07/2013 20:41

They didn't use any gas, electricity, water etc while they were away, so I think you could allow them some discount for that, surely? I think it would have been polite for them to discuss it with you before discounting their rent payment.
It sounds as though they have outstayed their welcome - it's already well past the one year mark, so perhaps now is the time for a chat about their plans for the future, unless you are planning to let them stay indefinitely..

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 11/07/2013 20:42

Grunt they're working adults! Paying FAR below what they'd be paying usually. She'd do them no favours giving them childlike treatment when they obviously need to learn how to be responsible.

HaroldLloyd · 11/07/2013 20:43

They are already paying a token amount. I wouldn't imagine it covers a fair portion of a comparable mortgage and all the bills and what they would pay in storage.

These are working adults for heavens sake!

HaroldLloyd · 11/07/2013 20:44

Cross post there Neo! Great minds think alike and all that.

CloudsAndTrees · 11/07/2013 20:44

If it were my son, I'd let them off it. After all, they weren't actually using gas, electric etc while they were away, and you had specified that that was what their rent was to cover.

If they were under the impression that they were living there for free, but paying their own expenses in bills and food, then I think it was an easy to make misunderstanding.

It all depends on how the discussion went at the start of the arrangement.

dexter73 · 11/07/2013 20:44

We agreed an amount of rent (£320) which was for, gas, electric, water, internet etc;
I think you should give them a discount as none of the above were being used while they were away.

Original poster
ijustwanttobeme · 11/07/2013 20:47

Wow, that was quick and also a bit reassuring that we weren't being totally unreasonable. (apart from pie smuggler who thinks I am )

In response to how the savings are coming along, they told us they have decided to go travelling at the end the year - one last hurrah before they settle down with a mortgage etc.

DP has said that when they return they will have to find alternative accommodation as we need our spare room back. However we shall see.

Don't get me wrong it's been nice having them around, and it's not been too bad- occasional blow ups particularly with DP and DSS as they also work together, but while they are here, we can't relax fully iykwim.

Maybe pie smuggler is right after all- I am a mean old cow:)

OP posts:
3boys3dogshelp · 11/07/2013 20:47

Its a tricky one - do you need the money? If not, then they haven't used gas, electricity etc and if that is what they pay you rather than rent I can see where they are coming from. Yanbu, but they are family and if they are not out blowing the money on nights out etc I would be inclined to be a bit more lenient.

HaroldLloyd · 11/07/2013 20:47

Internet water rates (non meter) council tax are all payable non dependent on usage.

Rent & storage costs would be payable regardless

So they will have used a bit less gas & electricity one week thats all.

HaroldLloyd · 11/07/2013 20:48

Knock off a tenner.

nickymanchester · 11/07/2013 20:48

As the others have said, it is perhaps time to just nudge them a bit about moving on.

If that's not likely to happen quite soon then maybe speak to DSS and his GF about setting up a standing order to pay you every month.

Perhaps couch it in terms of ''make it easier for you'' and ''so you don't forget about it''.

That way you will get the full amount on time every month.

3boys3dogshelp · 11/07/2013 20:50

Sorry cross posted. If they can afford to go travelling they should be paying what they owe. And you should be kicking them out!!

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 11/07/2013 20:54

Agree with those saying they should pay as normal and that you don't get discounts for going on holiday in the real world...

If you make things too cushty they will never move back out haha Smile

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 11/07/2013 20:55

Also think it's quite cheeky of the GF to say that! I know my DH would never have said that to my parents when we lived at home for six months before getting our first home. We were grateful to them for having us.

RiotsNotDiets · 11/07/2013 21:00

Where do you live?

£320 sounds like a lot to pay for one room. I don't pay a huge amount more than that a month for a 2 bed house (private renting).

I don't mean that as a criticism btw, I know the cost of living varies from place to place, just being nosy really.

I agree with Nicky, if they're going to stay they need to set up a standing order to avoid arguments.

BreadNameBread · 11/07/2013 21:05

I think that the GF was very Confused to ask not to pay. What bad manners. Sad I would ask for the money. I don't think you are being mean at all. Their rent is extremely cheap,it is you that is doing them a favour. It would be one thing if they asked but to say nothing and just not pay shows that they don't respect you at all.
I would encourage them to leave.

HaroldLloyd · 11/07/2013 21:10

Where i live is quite cheap rent wise but when you add all the bills in thats a good deal.

VelvetSpoon · 11/07/2013 21:13

I think its a lot of money to charge family - a friend of mine was until recently paying only slightly more than this for an ensuite double room in a shared house in the SE.

Also, are you declaring this as income? Not sure of the current taxable threshold, but it used to be around £70 per week.

Swipe left for the next trending thread