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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Long winded, but please tell me straight

51 replies

ijustwanttobeme · 11/07/2013 20:31

back story: DSS and his GF moved back in with us in Mar 2012 ( from privately rented accom) so that the could save for a year for a deposit.

We agreed an amount of rent (£320) which was for, gas, electric, water, internet etc; plus our garage is full to bursting with all their furniture, as is half our shed/log cabin. DP has plumbed in their washing machine in garage, so we don't have to take turns with ours. They buy/ cook their own meals but we occasionally eat altogether, eg: take aways, BBQs.

Although always paid, it is never on time, or paid in instalments. For the record rent is 1/3 of total bills etc on their old flat.

FF to a month ago. They were going on holiday with GFs parents who had a time share villa abroad. All flights etc paid for GFs parents.

GF came to me a day before they went and gave me £240 and said, ' I'd rather give this to you now as we aren't around when rent is due'. I said that it could wait till they were back and could pay all of it, but she insisted I took it.

They have now been back two weeks and no sign of remainder.

I asked DSS about it and he looked blank, but said he would speak with GF.I got a text from her that said, ' I didn't think we'd have to pay while we were away'. Followed by a 2nd text shortly afterwards saying, ' I didn't think we had to pay, as I don't earn much and neither does DSS....Plus we are living with family and so I presumed we wouldn't have to pay....but if you insist I'll get you the money.

I said I was not insisting but simply asking for the rent that was agreed way back when they first moved in.....WIBU??

OP posts:
HaroldLloyd · 11/07/2013 21:19

What for all bills as well, in the SE?

The current rent a room allowance is 4250 so you can rest easy that no tax evasion is occurring.

The things that get thrown up on these threads never ceases to amaze me.

Original poster
ijustwanttobeme · 11/07/2013 21:35

Riots: We live in an outer London borough where shared rooms are at least £100 pw and 1bed flats are £750 . I know this for a fact, as I work in housing benefits and know current prices.

Velvet/ Harold Lloyd: Honest question- do we have to pay tax, paid by DPs son for rent ( board/ keep/ housekeeping, whatever you want to call it) . Does every parent getting this type of income do that??

Tbh, the thing that got me most was her assumption that they didn't have to pay for the week. Just cos we're family, and cos I'm on a low income, and cos we weren't there etc.

OP posts:
thispunderfullife · 11/07/2013 21:38

YANBU. totally out of order. cheeky cow!

CloudsAndTrees · 11/07/2013 21:38

You are assuming that that's what was going through her mind, but you could well be wrong. Especially if she was under the impression that she wasn't paying rent as such, but was paying for their direct costs like bills.

nenevomito · 11/07/2013 21:40

Totally out of order. If there is an agreed rent then they pay it. If they had their own place they'd have to pay it whether they were on holiday or not.

Time to see if they'd like to move on.

HaroldLloyd · 11/07/2013 21:40

Your fine:

The Rent a Room Scheme

The Rent a Room Scheme lets you earn up to a threshold of £4,250 per year tax-free from letting out furnished accommodation in your home. This is halved if you share the income with your partner or someone else.

You can let out a room or an entire floor.

How it works
The tax exemption is automatic if you earn less than the threshold. This means you don?t need to do anything.

aldiwhore · 11/07/2013 21:42

They are getting a GREAT deal, and whilst I understand that they're living so cheaply they want to go travelling, they have also proved they weren't serious about saving for a deposit.

They are NBU, good on them for deciding to travel before getting tied down with a mortgage.

YWNBU to say "I gave you opportunity, I cannot do it again, you're on your own" and say it with a smile.

You have been more than generous, and I'm sure you've quite enjoyed it, but they are living extremely cheaply, and to have the cheek to tell you they didn't think they'd need to pay whilst on holiday just makes me think, well, you've done your bit, time they faced the big wide world.

I may try telling our Landlord why our rent is missing a week whilst we were on holiday, I'm sure the electricity board would understand too, no?

You are not loaded. EVEN if you were, you are charging a VERY fair price. They are beginning to take the piss, let them go for their hurrah, and charge them bloody storage whilst they're gone!! Wink

YANBU.

Original poster
ijustwanttobeme · 11/07/2013 21:47

Clouds: that was not what was going through her mind, but exactly what her texts said.

Not drip feeding honest, but just to clear up rent issue: £320 is for a double room and sole use of a bathroom ( except when DS sneaks in :)) plus all utilities. Plus when they looked at storage places near us, for all their stuff it would have been £75-100pm.

I've got the money now, but now I'm feeling guilty...

FFS I need to man up - I'm in the right according to most of MN :)

OP posts:
Original poster
ijustwanttobeme · 11/07/2013 21:48

...Clouds: that was not me assuming what was going through her mind, but exactly what her texts said.

OP posts:
RiotsNotDiets · 11/07/2013 21:56

Blimey, you won't catch me living in that London! Ridiculous rent prices aside, I heard it's 80p for a banana down there!!!!!!!

RiotsNotDiets · 11/07/2013 21:58

Have you factored in the price of bananas OP?

NatashaBee · 11/07/2013 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

formicadinosaur · 11/07/2013 22:08

It's only 40 per person per week. It depends how hard up you are or if they are actually saving.

formicadinosaur · 11/07/2013 22:10

You could always put theo eu aside and buy them some furniture when they do bhave their own place.

CSIJanner · 11/07/2013 22:21

This is a bugbear I have with be of my friends who complains that she is expected to pay for lessons/course when she's booked holidays. Like you don't pay a mortgage or line rental etc whilst away.

So they've decided to take the deposit they have saved and they are going to go travelling instead? Fair play. Which means even longer to save for the deposit when they get back, thats if they can find a job to pay for the alternate accommodation, which is fine as its their choice. But I do think you need to expect for their stuff to clutter up your garage and shed whilst they're away, and for them to ask to stay with you when they come back until they have found jobs to fund the new accommodation.

WinkyWinkola · 11/07/2013 22:27

It's so cheeky that they assumed they wouldn't have to pay whilst they were on holiday. They didn't even bother to discuss it with you first?

Are you sure they're ready for a mortgage? Will they tell the bank the same thing when they go on holiday? It's pathetic and manipulative to try and make you feel bad simply for sticking to the agreement.

An agreement which is incredibly reasonable and fair. Some people are just grabby and entitled, I guess.

lottiegarbanzo · 11/07/2013 22:35

YANBU and the presumption would have annoyed me, compounded by her manipulative text. That would actually leave me feeling much less harmonious about the whole thing.

Original poster
ijustwanttobeme · 11/07/2013 22:59

CSIJanner-we've agreed to have their stuff in our garage while they're away and when they come back. However DP has said already that they can't come back and just pick up where they left off.

Winky and lottie: yes, I agree- texts were totally manipulative. I was Shock when I read them.

OP posts:
Turniptwirl · 11/07/2013 23:23

Hmmm doesn't sound like saving for a deposit to me...

I think you're being very reasonable and they need to grow up. You still have to pay mortgage/rent and bills when you're on holiday in the real world do they might as well get used to the idea. You don't owe them anything, you're doing them a favour and they are taking the piss.

Gruntfuttocks · 13/07/2013 00:20

So have they actually saved for a deposit at all, or are they planning to blow the lot on travelling?

OrangeLily · 13/07/2013 00:56
  1. That is a very reasonable amount of rent
  2. Going on holiday whilst needing to live with parents to save for a deposit on a house is unnecessary.
  3. They've learned a life lesson there- life and bills doesn't stop because they've decided to bugger off on a jolly!

I remember 'expecting' financial help from my parents.... First and last time. I'd relied on it, didn't get it and nearly ended up in a bit of a sticky situation but managed to pull myself out of it. I learned to think ahead, budget, that if I don't do that I end up with an overdraft which I then had to work off for a summer!!

PurpleSwift · 13/07/2013 03:46

If you agreed that the rent was to cover water/elec etc then I'd probably let hem off. However if was rude of her to assume, and obviously she must have thought about it some what as she initially said she'd pay you when he returned and then said nothing. So it must have crossed her mind.
I also find 320 a little steep but I suppose it is all relevant to where you live. My rent is only a little more than that and I am in my own (small) house!

TartinaTiara · 13/07/2013 08:41

YANBU but am I the only one who's a bit astounded at her responding to you by text when she lives in the same house as you? Is your house so big that DSS and GF live at the far end of the otherwise unoccupied east wing which is actually in a different county to your living room?

TweedWasSoLastYear · 13/07/2013 09:00

I'm confused.
You agree to a below market rent so they can move back into your home.

They should be £600 a month better off and they quibble over what, £60.
Then the game changes and they are going to blow the C£4k they have saved and then some on a round the world jolly.

You end up as a FOC storage facility whilst they are away, as you dont pay family when your abroad , right?

Then when they come back , in debt as people who do this always spend more than they earn whilst away , then what?

They will need about £10k as a deposit , with the govments crazy 'prop up the over-inflated housing market deposit scheme' as a minimum, in the real world more like £20k after buying costs..........

They might be with a long time , and no I think yabvr

Can you not buy them a house jointly ? Or charge them £1k a month rent and keep a % back as they won't be saving anywhere near what they should/could.

Mia4 · 13/07/2013 09:49

The DSS should have sorted it with you both, not the GF, likewise your DP should have gone to your DSS not you. YANBU at all to insist money arrives on a certain date not as and when they feel like. As adults, they should commit to it and stop fannying around. But I would let them off a bit for what they haven't used, just because they are saving had they not messed around in the past.

It's a great deal they have tbh, they need to stop messing around and pay on a correct date. They also need to start looking for their own place. It sounds like they are getting too comfy.

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