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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I do the right thing here?

38 replies

Flumpyflumps · 10/07/2013 17:35

It's school sports day Friday.
I took DD to get some new trainers, during the measuring she refused to sit still, mucked about, wouldn't stand still while the lady was trying to feel if they fitted ok.
Then when she asked DD to walk up and down DD ran up and down the shop, behind chairs, up stairs, making silly high pitched squealing noises.
I was mortified, grabbed her, removed the trainers and took her straight home, apologising to staff.
She now has too small trainers and despite repeated apologies from her I have said she cannot have new ones for sports day.

DD is 5 and has been read the riot act this afternoon, and a favourite toy has also been confiscated.

Did I deal with this OK? I am really doubting myself as she may not be able to actually participate now.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 10/07/2013 17:37

I would go to Asda or Tesco,and get her the right size, yes I would hav done the same as you

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 10/07/2013 17:38

I'm also mortified because the shop had actually measured her feet and then I just left! I can never go in there again, it was epic.

OP posts:
cardibach · 10/07/2013 17:39

How 'too small' are they? FOr example, has she been doing PE in them up until this week? In which case, she will be able to participate. I have done the same thing with DD when she was about that age (but with real shoes). I took her back a week later to try again.

pjmama · 10/07/2013 17:39

Frustrating performance in the shop, but it sounds like she needs the trainers and she's lost a toy and apologised too. I think I'd probably just get a cheap supermarket pair, so she's got something to use at sports day. Or could she just wear plain black school pumps? Something boring and not fun?

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 10/07/2013 17:40

They said she is size 11 in the shop, current ones are size 10, she's been saying they are too small for about two weeks, today was first and last chance to get new ones before Friday.

OP posts:
JackieTheFart · 10/07/2013 17:40

I'm not sure.

I don't think new trainers are a treat. I would have taken her outside/away and had words then got the trainers and straight home I think.

If they need new shoes, they need new shoes.

wonderingsoul · 10/07/2013 17:41

its to ott i think
she'll need trainers, at some point. so just go and buy her some, now you know her size.

if your dd is like my ds going to buy the shoes is half the fun. so that is punishment enough.

dont let her miss out or be in pain on sports day, shes 5. its her job to show you up at one time or another.

Hawkmoth · 10/07/2013 17:41

Measuring feet doesn't mean you're obliged to buy. I've left shoe shops for tantrums in the past and also because we didn't like shoes. They'll have seen and heard worse.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 10/07/2013 17:43

YAB a little U.
She needs the footwear as her last pair were too small. I would have given my child 3 warnings, and said that if she refused to behave I would chose the trainers for her.
I would have also had strong words with her.
However I don't understand what you are punishing her behaviour with, is it no new trainers or taking a toy from her or both? Both is a bit OTT for mucking about in a shop.

I would go get her some trainers from somewhere like Asda (as she has been measured you have a shoe size for length) and put them on her and just look for signs of slipping off the heel and gapping around the toes.

wonderingsoul · 10/07/2013 17:44

also. if mine. ds2 not so much ds1 acts up in the shop i take them out. have words then try againg.
may be a plan for furtute advents like this.

i also wouldnt worry about going back in. they would have forgotton it, theve seen it before and you dd wont be the last.

HarrietSchulenberg · 10/07/2013 17:45

Oh yes, they'll have seen worse. I'm surprised that Clark's at Cheshire Oaks don't lock the doors when they see us coming, following the hideous behaviour of my 3 dses a few years ago. It involved kicking, running away, much whining and a little bit of shouting. But they don't. In fact the shop lady was very kind and I did leave the shop (with shoes) feeling at least part human.

I'd nip back and buy the trainers that your DD tried on, assuming that they did fit OK. Or I'd do as others said and get some cheapy supermarket ones to get her through sports day.

missmarplestmarymead · 10/07/2013 17:45

If they have already measured and you know the measurement, I would just pop in and buy the right size without her. She was naughty and you have punished her and she has said sorry_ I wouldn't let it impact on the fact that she needs new shoes.

LastTangoInDevonshire · 10/07/2013 17:47

You did the right thing, OP - and she won't ever forget. Stick to your guns or you're dooooooooooooooomed !

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 10/07/2013 17:48

Thanks, I may have gone off the deep end but the running and loudness made me just mortified, and also very difficult to actually catch her.
The worst part is I had gone through the rules before we set foot in the shop, she agreed yes no running away, yes sit still, yes do as you are told etc etc.

For some random reason she started licking me too while laughing thinking she was hilarious, that was the final straw.

I'm just not sure how to really keep control and removing her swiftly was my first instinct. Was it the right one, so I am prepared if there is a next time??

OP posts:
LastTangoInDevonshire · 10/07/2013 17:50

Yes, don't doubt yourself - you definitely did the right thing. As I said ^^, she won't forget if you stick to your guns.

Justfornowitwilldo · 10/07/2013 17:52

Right instinct but there's no way I'd have her doing sports day in trainers that are too small. Can you grab a supermarket pair now you know her size?

Casmama · 10/07/2013 18:00

Removing her was fine but I wouldn't deliberately make my child wear shoes too small for sports day.

wonderingsoul · 10/07/2013 18:09

oh i refuse to play "catch me" they ethier come here now or i walk away. both of miine tried that game once. i told them i wasnt having it they could ethier come here now or i was going. never did it again. i can put up with a lot but playing me like that really rubs me up the wrong way, i think its the "im not just being naughty but i know i am nuh nuh nuh "

you did the right thing. weve all been there to.

SsimTee · 10/07/2013 18:10

You've done the right thing by removing her. But I would stick to my guns and not get her a new pair of shoes for sports day. They hurt or not, she agreed to behave and she didn't. She's gonna have to learn the hard way. You give into her and she will know she can get away with it the next time. It's easy to say sorry and you are not exactly going to confiscate her favourite toy for ever, are you? If you buy her a new pair of shoes and one day when you give her toy back, she will know she got away with it.

CloudsAndTrees · 10/07/2013 18:13

I don't think you can allow her to wear shoes that are genuinely too small because of the fact that she misbehaved, she is only five! Yes, she should know how to behave properly in a shoe shop, but a suitable punishment would be taking away a toy or making her miss something she enjoys, not making her wear shoes that don't fit.

lunar1 · 10/07/2013 18:19

You did the right thing. I would just get her some pumps from the supermarket. She will think she has won If she got the good trainers.

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 10/07/2013 18:26

Ok thanks for the reassurance! I'm just really not sure what to do now because I've backed myself into a corner!

Buy cheapies? New shoes are new shoes.
Will she learn I will get her them anyway even after that performance or do I tell school she can't participate because she doesn't have suitable shoes?

This parenting business is hard!

OP posts:
wonderingsoul · 10/07/2013 18:32

shes 5. i dont agree with she'll think she'll win if you buy her new trainers. shes all ready been punished with not getting them that day.

taking a toy, not buying trainers and leaving her in ones that are to small and not allowing her to do sports day all because she played up in a shop?

what are you going to do when she really misbehaves?

SisterMatic · 10/07/2013 18:34

Harriet my DD has had a stinking tantrum in there..must be something in the atmosphere!

Original poster
Flumpyflumps · 10/07/2013 18:35

What I meant wondering was if the technique is meant to be based on following through on what you say, ie said she any have new trainers an I wouldn't send her to sports day without appropriate footwear.

So because I have said she cannot have them this means I can't send her to sports day.

So if I turn up tomorrow with new pumps from the supermarket so she can join in I've gone back on what I originally said.

I just d

OP posts:
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