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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to now feel uncomfortable with a friend

36 replies

Ghanagirl · 30/06/2013 16:31

Don't flame me please, as going through rough time with my sister and mum fighting, so probably being over sensitive. We moved into newly renovated house around February, our sofas were damaged by flooding when some plumbing went wrong and a friend offered to loan us one that she had in storage, as we couldnt afford to replace,husband didn't want too but her husband was really insistent that they never use and we could borrow as long as we like, she then sent a text on Friday asking can we have our sofa back please, replied yes and DH took it yesterday but feel upset and embarrassed am I making fuss over nothing

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/06/2013 16:33

I can't quite understand why you feel upset and embarrassed.

dexter73 · 30/06/2013 16:33

I'm not sure what you are upset and embarrassed about. They lent you a sofa and you gave it back when they asked for it, so I think you are making a bit of a fuss over nothing.

ThisReallyIsNotSPNopeNotAtAll · 30/06/2013 16:34

So she lent you a sofa to help you out and has now asked for it back? Why do you feel embarrassed and upset about that?

caroldecker · 30/06/2013 16:35

what is the problem - do not understand ths issue, she lent you a sofa, she wanted it back, you gave it back - end of story?

ZillionChocolate · 30/06/2013 16:35

She's gone back on her offer which was naughty if it was an indefinite loan but I don't think it's put you out. You're back to how you started. Did you complain to the plumber at the time? I don't see why you should feel upset really.

PurplePidjin · 30/06/2013 16:36

What's the big deal? You got a free sofa for 4 months, plenty of time to organise a new one - freecycle, gumtree, credit, save up...

Why would her needing it back be a problem? Confused

Pancakeflipper · 30/06/2013 16:37

Is it because you don't know why she suddenly wants/needs it back and you think it's a slight regarding you?

hiddenhome · 30/06/2013 16:39

It's hers though. Did you expect her to give it to you rather than just loan it? Perhaps she needs it back to give to someone else.

YourHandInMyHand · 30/06/2013 16:43

Why do you feel uncomfortable? I don't get it.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 30/06/2013 16:58

I don't understand why you're uncomfortable..is it because you've got nothing to sit on now?!

Original poster
Ghanagirl · 30/06/2013 17:01

I didnt expect to keep it and did appreciate it was a lone, it was just the way she asked really suddenly and abruptly by text after pressing it on us, just wished we'd made do with beanbags! We are in the process of trying to get some compensation from plumbers which is why money is an issue. But will take your points maybe I am worrying over nothing.

OP posts:
thebody · 30/06/2013 17:01

I don't understand the post. You lend and then you get it back. Embarrassed??? Why??

Original poster
Ghanagirl · 30/06/2013 17:03

SkinnybitchWannabe, your post made me Grin think I possibly over think things

OP posts:
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 30/06/2013 17:04

I understand....all those who don't understand listen....OP didn't want the sofa really but friends insisted...they also said "as long as you need" and now without warning she's asked for it back abruptly making the OP feel as though SHE has taken advantage.

OP just text her and say "Sorry I didn't realise you needed sofa sooner....it's just with you mentioning that we could use it as long as we liked, I hadn't thought about it....but not a problem at all...so kind of you to loan it."

bringmeroses · 30/06/2013 17:06

I really wouldn't worry, as has been said try free cycle etc to replace it. Carry on treating her as you always do. I too would be surprised she asked for it back abruptly if she didn't give you a reason, but it is her sofa and maybe she feels embarrassed too as it was an indefinite loan.

MissStrawberry · 30/06/2013 17:13

I wouldn't text what Neo said. Now that the sofa has been returned you have no need to talk about it again.

Maybe your friend did think it could be an indefinite loan when she made the offer but things happen and now she obviously needs it again.

Learn to say no, don't be pushed into doing things you don't want too and get yourself something new and lovely to sit on.

youarewinning · 30/06/2013 17:19

Does anybody else think it was weird to text instead of ringing and asking and arranging getting it back in a conversation?

I would have felt uncomfortable that someone who lent me a thing of such value couldn't talk to me face to face iyswim?

bringmeroses · 30/06/2013 17:23

eBay sofas are cheap as anything andtexting is ok I think, depends how you usually communicate; some people will say everything by text,I it's quicker. It also allows you to think of a gracious response.

MissStrawberry · 30/06/2013 17:26

Maybe she texted because she felt uncomfortable about asking.

youarewinning · 30/06/2013 17:31

I'd thought that too strawberry. Which made me think that yes the OP feels uncomfortable but so does her friend so as it's 2 sided it may make it easier to move on?

Original poster
Ghanagirl · 30/06/2013 21:41

Thanks Everyone,
Will try and just move on. Looks like we will be on beanbags for a while but at least they are our bean bags??

OP posts:
ZillionChocolate · 01/07/2013 07:52

I think Neo's text is a bad idea. I'd read passive aggression into it.

Hope you get some compensation out of the plumber soon Ghanagirl.

bringmeroses · 03/07/2013 11:53

I agree, best to completely gloss over it and try to forget about the incident, while remembering not to borrow anything off her in future!

aldiwhore · 03/07/2013 12:08

She could have given you some notice, and via phone or emai... a text sounds abrupt so YANBU to feel a bit put out.

BrianTheMole · 03/07/2013 12:11

You should be able to pick one up on freecycle. Put an ad out asking if anyones got one they want to get rid of.