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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed

37 replies

Trainblame · 21/06/2013 17:00

On the train with DH and my bag is next to me, covered by my cardi and jacket. Inside are some of his things I've been carrying including his Kindle.

Suddenly he starts rooting through my bag so I ask if he needs anything. He asks to have his Kindle, and I say he could of asked before rooting around in my bag.

Later he accuses of me of snapping at him and that everyone in the carriage felt bad for him. Although there's nothing private in there, AIBU not to want him to dive into my bag and push my caddie etc aside?

Fight ensues etcetera in car from station. AIBU?

OP posts:
musickeepsmesane · 21/06/2013 17:01

your bag is private. You shouldn't have embarrassed your DH. Kiss and make up

diddl · 21/06/2013 17:06

wouldn't bother me tbh.

Not as if he was arbitrarily rooting through your bag.

Aetae · 21/06/2013 17:07

It seems like a very small thing to start a fight over. What else is going on (context, relationship-wise)?

FruminousBandersnatch · 21/06/2013 17:09

YABU. I'd have felt bad for him if I'd been on the carriage, too! You said there was nothing 'private' in the bag so what was the problem?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 21/06/2013 17:09

I don't really understand why having him root through your bag is that big a deal, unless it's in the context of him being more generally rude. He's your husband, not a stranger so I'm not sure that looking in your bag is in itself an invasion of privacy

Original poster
Trainblame · 21/06/2013 17:10

It came up as an example how I've snapped at him today. I apparently snap all the time. I asked him for an example of how I should have responded to him in another case and he basically did an impersonation of a fairy/little girl. AIBU to expect to talk in what I think is a normal way and not be accused if snapping all the time?

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 21/06/2013 17:11

Is what annoyed you the fact that he was not very careful with your cardigan?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 21/06/2013 17:12

Oh, so you didn't snap at all?

Does he have a problem with you disagreeing with him or expressing your opinion?

SoleSource · 21/06/2013 17:12

yabu stop being petty

OrangeLily · 21/06/2013 17:13

Nope I wouldn't be bothered at all. We often share a bag if we go places (like man bag style as DH won't carry handbag). What's the problem?

maternitart · 21/06/2013 17:13

Tbh based in your OP you WERE a bit snappy or at least unnecessarily harsh, so maybe you would benefit from reflecting on how you communicate.

Icelollycraving · 21/06/2013 17:13

If the cardigan was hand stitched by the aforementioned fairies,then hwbu. Other than that Yabu.

OrangeLily · 21/06/2013 17:14

Although Grin at the impression of fairy like girl Smile

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 21/06/2013 17:14

I think we need to know a bit more OP

Squitten · 21/06/2013 17:14

Don't know why you would bother making an issue of the bag thing. He's your husband and he was only looking for his own stuff.

Obviously can't say whether you snap at him but do you often pick at what he's doing in that way? That could get irritating.

Aetae · 21/06/2013 17:15

Is he normally very sensitive about tone of voice (overbearing mother perhaps?). Or are you use to telling not asking (management roles, organised)?

I try as a general rule to be more reasonable sounding than I think I should have to be, because I know my family/upbringing erred on the side of curt as standard. I got used to it after a while... It depends on what the natural communication style of the two of you is, and if it matches.

ParadiseChick · 21/06/2013 17:15

My handbag becomes the bag when we're out together!

Some people are incredibly prissy about bags. I'm not, you are. Does he know that? Mountains and molehills.

pictish · 21/06/2013 17:15

Hmm...my dh once rooted through my bag like that, and I told him off too.
My bag is private.

Onesleeptillwembley · 21/06/2013 17:15

He's your husband, he went in your bag to get something of his that he knew was there. He did it in front of you. None of these together point to him doing anything wrong. YABU, especially to snap in public. I'm sure your cardie was fine. If I'd have been there, I'd have felt sorry for him, and wondered why he was still with you.

OHforDUCKScake · 21/06/2013 17:16

No one should ever, every go through a womans bag.

OccasionalTherapy · 21/06/2013 17:17

Everyone in the carriage felt sorry for him?

D.R.A.M.A Q.U.E.E.N.

ParadiseChick · 21/06/2013 17:17

Why not Duck? Will they lose a hand or something?

8thplace · 21/06/2013 17:18

It does sound like you are treating him a bit like a child.
Were you talking too loudly so other people could hear?
Were you pissed off because you didn't want his things in your bag in the first place?
I think YABU.

winearama · 21/06/2013 17:20

Onesleeptillwembley, you'd have wondered why the OP's husband was still with her just because she pulled him up for rifling through her bag? Seriously?! Do you never pull your husband up on anything or get annoyed with him, ever?!

OP, I too get accused of 'snapping' all the time. Sometimes my DH sulks and he'll say that I snapped at him hours ago, even when I just said something in a normal tone.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 21/06/2013 17:20

I think the point is....she didn't snap 9or she thinks she didn't), but expressed her opinion (don't agree but she is entitled to it). She was then accused of snapping and he took the piss of her tone.

OP please come back and tell us more before you get flambed