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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think teacher was harsh on DS?

65 replies

7nth · 20/06/2013 18:49

DS's teacher spoke to me today and said she had had to give DS an official warning for his behaviour.

DS and his best friend had been playing in the quiet area, DS's best friend had told him not to talk so loudly and DS told him not to be bossy and that if he was going to be so bossy he might not invite him to his party and that he would tell his teacher he had been bossing him around.

DS's best friend then started crying and told the teacher who came and really told DS off and gave him an official warning, which he has never had before. DS was really crying too and said he wanted his mum & dad, which has also never happened.

I feel the teacher over reacted and that it was a childish squabble, aibu?

OP posts:

Numberlock · 20/06/2013 18:53

What does an official warning consist of?

wonderingsoul · 20/06/2013 18:55

sounds like your ds was quite mean to him and if you cant see that, then theres no saving you.

he was in the quite area and his friend not to talk so loudly? doesnt warrent the come back he gave his friend.

had his friend had said something equaly as mean or just mean then yeah itd have been a silly squabble and they both should have got a quick talking to. but it was one sided.

exoticfruits · 20/06/2013 18:56

I take it that he is very young- sounds like 5yrs or younger.
I would just tell him that if he is breaking the rules he will get into trouble and sometimes it may appear unfair.

wonderingsoul · 20/06/2013 18:57

also its a good lessons, there allways a first time a child does get in "deep" trouble and it is a shock.

redskyatnight · 20/06/2013 18:58

What is an official warning? If it's like DD's school it's just away of pointing out to you that your behaviour was bad. If you continue to behave well nothing much happens. Seems perfectly reasonable in this situation.

IDontDoIroning · 20/06/2013 18:59

If this happened as you described then I'm afraid your ds was very mean in his response to a reasonable request from his friend.
This type of behaviour if repeated is bullying and the teacher was quite right to deal with it as they did.
Hopefully it will make him think twice and in the long run it will be beneficial to him.

thebody · 20/06/2013 19:04

Well if he was being loud in the quiet area your lads friend might have been trying to save him getting into trouble.

Sorry your lad was a bit mean and you need to recognise this( but of course they all are).

Equally of course his friends parents might complain to the teacher about your sons behaviour.

Tell your son not to be loud and mean and invite his friend to tea and move on.

tupuedes · 20/06/2013 19:07

Its possibly a bit harsh but its not a good sign that you're more concerned with the teachers behaviour than your child's.

xylem8 · 20/06/2013 19:07

threatening to tell the teacher, is very controlling ,manipulative behaviour and the teacher was absolutely right to come down hard and nip it in the bud.

Sirzy · 20/06/2013 19:07

What your son said upset another child and was mean, of course the teacher should warn him against such behaviour

Arisbottle · 20/06/2013 19:08

I was going to post but tupuedes said what I was going to.

SoTiredAgain · 20/06/2013 19:09

Are they in nursery or reception by any chance?

I think your DS was a bit over the top and, as I would say, "it is not ok behaviour" to be unkind, especially as the other child was just telling him to be quiet in a quiet area.

Sometimes, children are surprised and upset when a teacher pulls them up on their behaviour.

YABU

BarbarianMum · 20/06/2013 19:09

Sounds to me like he got a well deserved telling off. An 'official warning' at school isn't like one at work - they're not going to sack him if it happens again - it's just a way of showing that x behaviour is entirely unacceptable.

His behaviour was unacceptable. He got told off and got upset. Nothing wrong with any of that. Draw a line under it and move on.

Hulababy · 20/06/2013 19:11

Your son was mean. He threatened to tell the teacher and threatened to cut him out of the party. They're not nice things to say and the teacher was right to pull him up on those comments.

Had it remained a squabble of "be quiet" followed by "stop being bossy" then fine - both as bad, tell them both to calm down and do the right thing.

But I'm afraid your son followed it up by deliberately trying to threaten and upset the other child. He needed telling he wasn't being nice.

wigglesrock · 20/06/2013 19:12

YABU - what your son said was mean and he said it meaning to hurt his friend re the disinvitation. It's a bit of a shock to the system when a teacher has to talk to you re a child's behaviour but it happens, it's done now and hopefully your son won't do it again.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 20/06/2013 19:15

The teacher was over the top. Completely unnecessary to be so harsh to small children in the classroom. She could have explained that the other boy was right, that he needed to be quiet in the 'quiet area' and that it's not nice to say 'You can't come to my party'.

Saying you will 'tell the teacher' is normal behaviour for small children and what they are encouraged to do - saying that is bullying is ridiculous.

babyhmummy01 · 20/06/2013 19:15

Spends what an official warning equates to but tbh if your son was that mean to his friend then he deserved telling off

BoomChicaBoom · 20/06/2013 19:16

I agree with previous comments I'm afraid. As as a teacher of young children myself I would possibly suspect that an official warning may also have been given because maybe that wasn't the first 'offence' or misbehaviour as usually a verbal warning would be given first. Maybe there was a bigger picture and not just that isolated incident?

Also agree the friend wasn't actually doing anything wrong and encouraging your ds to abide by the rules. I'd like him to be in my classroom!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 20/06/2013 19:17

She stamped on controlling behaviour....your son's that is. YABU. It was fine for your son to tell his mate not to be bossy but not to threaten him with the party.

exoticfruits · 20/06/2013 19:17

I think that you ought to just reflect on what happened. There was a rule, the friend reminded him and your DS got annoyed because the friend wanted him to keep it- he responded by being mean. He got into trouble.
He then cried- having made the friend cry. I would be talking to your DS about being mean rather than blaming the teacher.

Blissx · 20/06/2013 19:19

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee, i think if you re-read, you will see that what was said was if the OP's DS repeatedly behaved like this in the future, it could be viewed as bullying and therefore the teacher was right to nip it in the bud now, quickly and swiftly.

exoticfruits · 20/06/2013 19:26

He must be reception class.

exoticfruits · 20/06/2013 19:27

Can't be more than year 1.

queenofthepirates · 20/06/2013 19:27

I think you have to hand over the discipline of your LO during school time and provide a united front with the teachers in reinforcing their messages. If the tables were turned and the teacher undermined your discipline, you would be rightly livid.

FryOneFatManic · 20/06/2013 19:28

An official warning definitely makes me think that there had been other poor behaviour from the OP's son previously.

At DS's school they have the traffic light system, with a verbal reminder given before children get moved to Amber. So if I was told there had been an official warning, I would definitely ask what led up to it, assuming that it was more than a simple incident.

OP, you do need to talk to your son about respecting the rules, they are there for a reason. And I agree that his response about disinviting the other child was not very nice at all.

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