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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I am your parent, not Nana.

33 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 07/06/2013 09:32

me: Dd1, go to number 20 and get their Avon book (dd1 gets all of the money from Avon it's her job)
dd1: I can't
me: Why?
dd1: Nana said I am not allowed to collect the Avon books. A bad man might get me
me: Well, Linda is not a man, nor is she bad, also if she wanted to 'get you' she would have done so by now. Go and get the book.
dd1: But Nana said...
me: Nana is not your parent. I am.

Me: Can I leave you at school with your friends this morning, dd2 has to be there early and I don't fancy waiting around for half an hour for you to go. I'll wait until your friends arrive.
dd1: No, nana said I can't wait at school on my own anymore. A bad man might get me.
Me: Well, tough. I am not waiting. There are no bad men in your school yard.
dd1: But Nana said...
me: Nana is not your mother.

me: Will you nip to the shop and get me some milk?
dd1: I can't.
me: If you mention bad men one more time you are grounded
dd1: I don't care anyway. I can't go to the swings anymore. The bad men might be waiting for me. Nana said.
me: SHOP. MILK. NOW!

Me: Tidy your room, please.
dd1: I can't.
me: Why? Is there a bad man there?
dd1: No, Nana said I am too young to have to tidy my own room. You do it.
Me: ROOM. TIDIED. NOW.

FFS. I want to string my mother up. Dd1 could not go into the shop on her own this morning and catch up with us on the way to school, because "There might be a bad man waiting"

OP posts:

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 07/06/2013 09:34

Oh gosh, sounds like someone has way overstepped the boundaries.

How often do your DC see Nana? Can you tone down the level of contact? Have you tried talking to her about the scare mongering and how it is (negatively) impacting your family life?

Corygal · 07/06/2013 09:35

How old is she? Either she's been disturbed or she's trying it on.

KeatsiePie · 07/06/2013 09:36

Good grief. Can you talk to your mother about it? Aside from the irritation it's no good for her to be making your DD fearful about going anywhere.

Original poster

D0oinMeCleanin · 07/06/2013 09:36

Oh she's trying it on alright. She's not worried about 'bad men' when she wants something from the shop

I don't want to stop them seeing my mum but we will be having serious words about the bad men on Sunday.

OP posts:

TooOldForGlitter · 07/06/2013 09:37

I hear ya. My mum is the same. Disapproves highly of me letting mine out to play on the field two seconds away from our house (I can actually hear her from the house).

Hashtagwhatever · 07/06/2013 09:37

That could have been written about me and my dd with my dm poking her oar in.

I sympathise

MrsMelons · 07/06/2013 09:38

If she is 11 YANBU, if she is 5 you are

Original poster

D0oinMeCleanin · 07/06/2013 09:40

She is 10. She is not scared of bad men when she wants to do something, only when I want her to do something. She knows her Nana is hysterical.

OP posts:

KeatsiePie · 07/06/2013 09:43

Yeah, this last one Nana said I am too young to have to tidy my own room. You do it. tips her hand a bit. You should send DD back to her with a list of further topics on which you breathlessly await her judgment via DD, to include: sufficiency of hot meals, DD getting enough vegetables, frequency of ironing and window-washing, etc.

gorionine · 07/06/2013 09:43

How old is your DD? could it be she misinterpreted something your Mum said or has your Mum a history of over ruling you?

gorionine · 07/06/2013 09:44

sorry, xposted!

Theas18 · 07/06/2013 09:45

How old is she? I'm a bit concerned about the "avon is her job" .... unless she's 16+ it isn't , it's your job that she helps you with...

The rest can't comment on without knowing if she's 5, 15 or 18!

(well other than any child can tidy their room with direction, even at 2.)

Corygal · 07/06/2013 09:49

She's trying it on, to be honest. She may well be using Nana as a cover for refusal. Don't engage.

As to whether you talk to Nana - hmmm; how likely is it Nana has actually said most/all of these things? If she has, I wouldn't bother with a chat, but if DD is using Nana deceitfully, then a combined approach might help.

Original poster

D0oinMeCleanin · 07/06/2013 09:59

It's very likely Nana has said these things. She used to try and tell me about the bad men and how I am not doing enough to protect the children from them and how you never know where they are or when they will strike. They could be watching us now

It would be funny, if she didn't actually believe it so much.

She stopped telling me about the bad men after she told me about the bad men in Asda who took a little girl into the toilet and shaved her head, changed her clothes and walked out with her right under her mother's nose and I printed out a copy of Snopes view on this

OP posts:

plainjaney · 07/06/2013 10:07

LMAO she sounds like my inlaws. My MIL thinks my DD at 15 shouldn't be cleaning her own room. I'm not shocked by this in any way, it was quite telling that her son had no idea how to operate a vacuum cleaner or washer when we married but I trained him out of that.

Best laugh I had in ages was when my FIL said to DD "Don't ever be alone with someone!" to which DD swiftly replied "Well if I'm with someone I wont be alone will I!!"

cory · 07/06/2013 10:11

I would tell your mother that there is evidence that growing up with distorted views on strangers put children more at risk and that unless she stops feeding your dd these ideas you will have to cut contact for your dd's safety' sake.

Afraid I haven't got any statistics for you, but it sounds plausible enough.

DontmindifIdo · 07/06/2013 10:22

next time your DD wants to do something like get something from the shop, or nip to a friend's house, ask her if she's worried about Nana's 'bad men' getting her, when she says no (because she wants to do whatever it is) say, she can only go on the understanding she stops talking about these mythical bad men when you want her to do something.

I'd also be having very strong words with your mother and making it clear she doesnt fill their heads with fears of everyone they meet and telling them they don't have to do their chores, then you will stop them seeing her, no discussion, you wo'nt be undermined.

BridgetBidet · 07/06/2013 10:26

I doubt nana has said any such thing, she's just trying it on.

10 is too young to have a 'job' though. She shouldn't be doing the Avon things. I don't like the idea of a 10 year old being sent knocking on doors on her own.

Original poster

D0oinMeCleanin · 07/06/2013 10:30

Bridget, she goes to the houses we know, I do the rest with her. We know the lady in number 20 very well. Dd1 plays with her grandchildren and has been to her house for tea. The lady at number 20 is categorically not a bad man.

She wanted to do it to earn extra pocket money and I believed it would encourage a good work ethic so I help her with it.

OP posts:

gorionine · 07/06/2013 11:30

The lady at number 20 is categorically not a bad man.

Love it!

minouminou · 07/06/2013 11:48

There's nothing wrong with her having a job like the OP describes at her age!
She's going to be taking herself off to school this or next Sept, isn't she?
I think this is a terminally-irritating combo of propagranda (see what I did there?) and laziness.

MiaowTheCat · 07/06/2013 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

D0oinMeCleanin · 07/06/2013 12:55

I like it Miaow

Can I have a ice cream?
No, the ice cream man might be bad man. Nana said.

OP posts:

olidusUrsus · 07/06/2013 12:59

Do Avon know they're employing a 10 year old?

Original poster

D0oinMeCleanin · 07/06/2013 13:03

The Avon rep is well aware that dd1 is helping me with it. And they're not employing her, technically she is self employed.

Is there something with a 10yo wanting to earn some extra pocket money? As I said she only collects books alone from people we know. I do the rest with her.

I'm fairly certain that the people she collects from are not bad men. Most of them have known DH his entire life, we bought this house from his grandparents. Others have children in the dc's school and she goes in their houses anyway whilst playing with her friends. So far none of them have tried to abduct her.

She only does our street and is within view of our house at all times.

OP posts:

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