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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to complain about the school play shambles?

93 replies

jazzmin · 25/05/2013 21:40

My year 6 daughter got the lead part in the KS2 play (she is year 6, small school). Another girl cried. And cried. Her mum went in. Three days later my daughter was asked in an intimidating way(by a teacher) to give her part up to the other girl. My daughter just shrank and said nothing, she is extremely polite and likes to please the teachers. The next day she was told the other girl would be lead in one show, she would be lead in the other. She was paraded in assembly as being kind for giving up her part, then came home and crumpled. She hasn't stopped crying since. I can't believe a girl can cry and cry and get her own way, and my daughter is being punished for it. She was shouted at for being upset about it, and told if she continued the whole play would be cancelled (though the other girl cried for 2 days and got the lead part!?) I am a primary school teacher myself, I have never known this in 15 years of teaching, now it is half term... what should I do?

OP posts:

RiotsNotDiets · 25/05/2013 21:43

I doubt you can change it now, don't let her know you're pissed off about it. Find something she'd love to do on the night she isn't in the play and say how lucky it is you're able to go to it?

HeySoulSister · 25/05/2013 21:43

Complain! That's what you should do!

Awful

CalicoRose · 25/05/2013 21:43

Your daughter isn't being punished, what an odd way yo view it.

They both get the lead role - like in a proper west end show :)

Why is your DD so upset that she has to share the role?

CloudsAndTrees · 25/05/2013 21:45

Your dd isn't being punished, and she is still getting to be the lead on one of the nights. I'm surprised they didn't have two leads if they are doing two shows anyway, that is what schools have always done ime.

The school shouldn't give in to demands like this, they are showing themselves to be weak. But I also think your dd should be taking it more graciously.

HollyBerryBush · 25/05/2013 21:46

It's fair to share.

So if your complaining gets the whole show cancelled , will you feel better? If you get the other girl cast out, will you feel better?

What do you want to happen? Because complaining for the sake of it without stating your case for a solution is pathetic.

So, what do you want to happen?

Picturesinthefirelight · 25/05/2013 21:47

YANBU. I'd be livid. Mind you dd never gets given very much at school despite having performed professionally and being offered a place at a full time performing arts school.

She was really disappointed she didn't get a singing part in her Yr 6 play but just made the best if what she was given. She's have had short drift from be if she'd come crying about not having the lead.

Some children seem to be do entities and with parents who encourage this. They'll have a huge shock as they get older.

Iggi101 · 25/05/2013 21:49

Sharing would have been fine if it happened initially.
I think, on the basis that your child is still upset, you should meet with someone from the school - their account of events might differ from what you've heard, or at least they might learn something for next year.

jamdonut · 25/05/2013 21:50

God yes,make a fuss. That is diabolical!! I've never heard anything like it...apart from when at DD's school's talent show a year 7 decided to have a "breakdown" mid song (The sun will come out tomorrow). Previous years if that happened the person was applauded,but that was it.

Cue Mother going backstage and making a terrific fuss so that her little darling got a second chance! She then went on to belt out said song with no nerves at all! And,by strange coincedence, she also went on to win!!

My daughter and others were furious,but the result stood. This year it was made clear...if you mess up,you don't get a second chance.

mummydarkling · 25/05/2013 21:50

My son played the male lead in his school play a couple of years ago and had to contend with his leading lady being subbed at the interval! He has asd and did not raise an eyebrow when she gained several inches in height, I was so proud.

defineme · 25/05/2013 21:51

It's the way it was done that's awful: other posters are being very obtuse op!

Obviously, if the original idea was to have 2 leads then op's dd would have been fine about it, but what actually happened was that a young girl was given something that she was very proud of and then it was taken away. She was scared by a teacher and praised for doing something that she actually was given no choice about.

Horrid behaviour by the teachers and I would be going in to complain.

I would also be explaining to dd that sometimes adults go about things the wrong way and it's crap that this was her teacher.

WorraLiberty · 25/05/2013 21:51

Well I'd certainly get the facts from the teacher because it sounds rather odd.

Original poster

jazzmin · 25/05/2013 21:52

She was given the lead part. The other girl was given a small part. There are two performances. After 3 days of crying they caved in and gave the other girl the lead role on one night. What does that teach them? Cry to get your own way if you weren't good enough the first time?
My daughter feels she has 'lost' the role and is devastated, she was shouted at in front of the class that if she complained the whole play would be cancelled. Why should she have that pressure? It isn't like they said from the start the part would be shared. She got the part, then a performance taken away.

OP posts:

jamdonut · 25/05/2013 21:54

Oh, and we've never had "shared" leads in any performances in senior or junior school. You audition - you get the part or you don't .End of.

WhiteBirdBlueSky · 25/05/2013 21:54

If she's upset they'll cancel the whole play?

That threat would definitely have me complaining.

helenthemadex · 25/05/2013 21:55

I would go in and talk to them about it, it does all sound very unfair and is sending out the message that if you and your parents make enough fuss you will get your own way, not on and not fair

cantbloodywellchoose · 25/05/2013 21:56

I can certainly see the sense in having a different lead for each show to give more than one person the chance but if only that was the intention from the outset. If things truly happened as you say then the school should be ashamed of themselves for pandering to the pushy other mum.

myonlyfriend · 25/05/2013 21:56

No op yanbu, it has just reinforced to the other child if she creates and kicks off enough then she will get her own way. Not at all fair on your dd.

cansu · 25/05/2013 21:57

This thread illustrates why teachers sometimes think shows etc are more trouble than they are worth. Teachers shouldn't have caved in to first girl but they did and it is up to you now to make the est of this and help your dd to be the bigger person before the whole bloody play becomes a shambolic nightmare!

AgentZigzag · 25/05/2013 21:57

Is this the other half of the story?

Original poster

jazzmin · 25/05/2013 21:58

I do appreciate all the comments, as I am emotionally involved I want to get outside perspectives. As a teacher myself, I never criticise my children's school in front of them. However, I owe it to my daughter to sort this out, as she feels a great sense of injustice. I found out a parent I barely know went to complain about it after school yesterday as her child had come out of school saying it was so unfair what had happened.
If a child is not good enoughh to be given a role, is it right they cry until an adult caves in? I would be embarrassed if it was my daughter.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 25/05/2013 21:59

How do you know she cried for 3 days?

Who told you this?

Smartiepants79 · 25/05/2013 22:00

Very badly handled indeed. School should not have given in to emotional blackmail. What if 3 of them had all gone in crying, where does it stop.
I think your DD has every right to be upset.
If she had been told from the start that the part would be shared then that's fine and I would expect a gracious acceptance. However that is not what has happened.
I would go in and speak to the teacher involved.
I would say that I understand this cannot be changed now but that you are extremely unimpressed by how they dealt with it. That my child is very distressed. And should not have been bullied into giving up the part that THEY gave her in the first place. Keep it calm but make sure that they understand how you feel and why.
I am a teacher too and I've never heard of anything like it.
That mother is setting her child up for a very big fall at some point in real life. Boss's in actual jobs don't change their mind because your mum goes in and complains.
I hope your DD can enjoy the rest of the play.

Original poster

jazzmin · 25/05/2013 22:02

AgentZigzag - no not the same! I am actually very good friend with the other girl's mum, haven't contacted her as mortified by the whole thing.

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 25/05/2013 22:06

They're a good fit for each other though

Hope your DD's OK

Original poster

jazzmin · 25/05/2013 22:08

WorraLiberty - because it is a village school - we are all close. My daughter came home upset because her friend was crying so much. i met other mums in the pub to organise the leavers party and they all said the same. Smartiepants - thank you. Your comments are probably what I would say to someone else and I appreciate your perspective.

OP posts:

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