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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to give into my 15 year old dd?

35 replies

inneedofsomehelpplz · 24/05/2013 09:31

i used to make dd a sandwich of her choice & supply fresh fruit but when i checked her bag, it had green sandwiches & squashed off fruit so i now buy her a ginsters pasties, a bag of crisps & chocolate which she eats. dh says i should not bither giving her any lunch if she wont eat the healthy option but i disagree - getting any food in her during the day is my goal. at home she eats fresh fruit & veg & she is a slimjim.

so who is bu?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/05/2013 09:34

At 15 she could pack her own shit diet for lunch, surely?

Finola1step · 24/05/2013 09:35

At 15 she should be organising her own lunch. Give her a set daily budget for her to buy her own lunch. It sounds like you are babying her.

TooOldForGlitter · 24/05/2013 09:36

YABU. At 15 she is more than old enough to be organising her own lunch. Do you really give her a pasty AND crisps AND chocolate though?!

Original poster
inneedofsomehelpplz · 24/05/2013 09:37

lunch is put on the table for her to pack in her school bag - giving her money is not an option as she will blow the lot on rubbish. i only buy the pasties ect.

OP posts:
PeterParkerSays · 24/05/2013 09:37

Tw oquestions:

  • why are you still making sandwiches for a 15 year old?
  • why didn't she eat the food you prepared?

I'd sit down with her, explain that she will be making her own lunch, as buying Ginster's pasties is too expensive for a regular lunch, and what fillings would she like you to buy for sandwiches?

Are you sure she's eating the pasties?

cory · 24/05/2013 09:37

Have to agree with the other two posters. My 13yo made his own lunch this morning; normally he would take lunch money.

xylem8 · 24/05/2013 09:38

The supermarket I shop at is next to a comprehensive, and believe me your DDs lunch is vastly superior to what I see some of them buying for lunch!

cory · 24/05/2013 09:39

You do seem to want to exercise a great deal of control over someone who will be an adult in 3 years time. Is there any particular reason? Does she have SN or an eating disorder? Even then, I believe it is a good idea to let teens make some mistakes of their own.

cory · 24/05/2013 09:40

If you provide a healthy breakfast, supper and after school snack and there is nothing unhealthy in the house, her nutrional needs should be taken care of even if she does buy a certain amount of crap at lunchtime.

CorrStagnitto · 24/05/2013 09:41

why dont you give her a party, crips and piece of fruit?

i dont see why a 15yr old needs to be packing her own lunch, at least if you do it you know what shes eating

Original poster
inneedofsomehelpplz · 24/05/2013 09:41

because she has a paperround in the morning that can take upto an hour so the least i can do is leave her lunch on the table surely?! i just wondered whether i should continue making sandwiches & providing fresh fruit for her to waste or provide the unheaalthy option that she eats?

OP posts:
TotallyBursar · 24/05/2013 09:42

What rubbish do you think she would blow her lunch money on that is worse than what you are feeding her now?!

Yabu. DH is in the right on this one, for all the reasons already given.

CorrStagnitto · 24/05/2013 09:42

i mean pasty!

CorrStagnitto · 24/05/2013 09:42

throw her a party if you want like

Original poster
inneedofsomehelpplz · 24/05/2013 09:44

controlling by leaving her school lunch on the table? really?! sigh - she is still my daughter & i dont mind making her lunch - if im busy with the baby she will make her own dinner although normally meatballs or supernoodles so i dont mollycuddle her :-\

OP posts:
Original poster
inneedofsomehelpplz · 24/05/2013 09:46

rubbish such as energy drinks that have caused her to have panic attacks at school.

OP posts:
CorrStagnitto · 24/05/2013 09:48

in MN world

make her lunch = conrolling her

feeding her pasties = child abuse

CorrStagnitto · 24/05/2013 09:50

not saying thats its true though op, just aibu makes some people slightly hysterical

PeterParkerSays · 24/05/2013 09:51

inneed if your daughter is buying drinks that give her panic attacks, surely that is her fault, and you need to speak with her about why she's buying beverages that are making her ill?

Personally, I'd make her make her own lunch the night before, and make her porridge whilst she's out on her paper round, if I was going to prepare food, so she has a good start to the day.

Could you generally have a chat to her about healthy food anyway? If she can do tinned meatballs or super noodles for dinner, she's not making healthy choices at home either, when she could be doing scrambled egg or beans on granary toast, which would be much better for her and lower in salt.

Bluebell99 · 24/05/2013 09:51

Contrary to the other posters, I still make my son his pack lunch. He has just turned 14. He though is pretty unfussy and generally eats what he is given :) I think that teenage girls may be a different kettle of fish! My dd is only 11, but friends tell me that their teenage dd's refuse to eat breakfast and leave their lunch. Would she eat a pasta salad? My two love pasta pesto. I also vary the bread type, they like the warburton thins that seem to be on other everywhere at the moment.

quirrelquarrel · 24/05/2013 09:52

Corr Grin i did wonder if it was some special brand of sarcasm....

OP, would she eat leftovers from the night before? Pasta etc in tupperware....

I think at 15 the issue isn't really the giving in to her, it's that it's not so healthy.

Could you cut out the crisps and chocolate.....maybe something a bit better like a cereal bar?

WorraLiberty · 24/05/2013 09:54

I don't care who packs her lunch.

My point is, you were making her sandwiches because presumably you wanted her to eat a healthy lunch instead of a shit one.

But now you're buying her a shit lunch, why not just give her some money and let her buy her own shit?

Were you regularly finding green sandwiches or was it a one off?

TotallyBursar · 24/05/2013 10:01

I'm just going to echo PeterParker her post is spot on.

I don't give a toss if you pack her lunch tbh. It's the rest of it.
If at 15 she will intentionally buy drinks that cause her to have a panic attack then surely the more age appropriate action is a discussion with her.
What are her views anyway? It's her lunch and hers is the only view you haven't mentioned.
And ystillbu.

HabbaDabba · 24/05/2013 10:04

inneed - Don't take it personally. Some MNetters have lazy arsed teenagers so they tend to project.

Mine spent all week prepping for end of year exams so I've been busy being 'controlling' by making them snacks and drinks. Grin

They have school lunch which usually consist of burgers and pizza but at home they get lots of fish, vegetables, fruit and juices. They are also quite active sportswise so to me it's no big deal if they indulge in a bit of junk for lunch.

If you are anything like us, there are already enough areas of contention (music practice, sleep overs, spending on clothes, homework) so why add lunch to it? If overall she has a balanced diet and leads an active life then let it slide.

mrsjay · 24/05/2013 10:06

she is 15 15yr olds want to eat crap at lunchtime give her dinner money and let her go to the chippy with all the other 15 yr olds Wink seriously she is 15 she should be sorting her own lunch and deciding what she wants to eat, if she is eating ok at home a pasty or whatever is fine