Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have burst into tears?

29 replies

bluesheep · 22/05/2013 16:00

I realise I'm being an idiot, but I'm feeling rubbish and today has broken me.

I've had tonsillitis all week, felt like shit and have zero energy. Trying to do the normal school runs plus working and packing for next week (camping holiday) has worn me out.

Just picked DD1 up from school and she decided to act up. I told her if she continued behaving badly I wouldn't give her any more holiday money (she's been earning 1 euro a day if she has good behaviour) . She then spat at me and screamed 'I hate you' in my face. I just burst into tears. She is only 5.

DH has told me I'm being stupid, she doesn't mean it, but for some reason it has really knocked me hearing those words. I expect I'm being oversensitive from being ill

OP posts:
Original poster
bluesheep · 22/05/2013 16:02

Dammit, posted too early. I know I'm just being stupid really.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 22/05/2013 16:02
Thanks

She's only doing it because she knows you love her and she feels secure. At least that's what I tell myself when DD is a monster.

DystopianReality · 22/05/2013 16:05

No harm in her seeing that she has pushed the boundaries of behaviour a little to far. We all have our breaking points and you have reached yours earlier than usual perhaps because of feeling wretched all week. Not stupid, just human. She should apologise to you.

Booyhoo · 22/05/2013 16:06

i dont think it was the words that made you burst into tears. i think it was just that her behaviour was more than you can cope with just at that moment what with being sick and low energy etc. it's not silly to feel overwhelmed if you are in fact, overwhelmed!

if it was just her behaviour that made you cry i'd think it a bit oversensitive of you but you know it's everuthing all together that's just climaed at that point. ive been there. and the only advice i have is to draw a line under everything, go and take ten minutes to yourself in teh garden or bathroom and then come back and tackle everything 1 by 1.

CookieLady · 22/05/2013 16:07

Brew I completely agree with Mrs. Your dd loves you and feels secure enough to convey her upset. My ds sometimes says it to me too.

ElizaDoLots · 22/05/2013 17:37

YANBU. It's horrible when they say things like that - though I agree - I think it's evidence of a child feeling secure enough to express negative feelings.

Tonsillitis is horrible - It's really hard to cope with playing up when you are feeling rubbish.

Original poster
bluesheep · 22/05/2013 17:54

Thank you all, feeling very reassured that I'm not being a total twat.

DD1 has been lovely to me since we got home. She apologised, gave me a massive cuddle and keeps asking me what she can do to be a good girl again. This may have made me cry a little more.

Tonsilitis sucks. I get it about 5 or 6 times a year but my GP refuses to refer me to ENT. I'm just so bloody tired from fighting it off that I can't get excited about the holiday yet, which is a shame as it's the first time we've ever been away as a family. My lovely mum bought me some champagne to take with us today as it's our anniversary while we're away, so that will cheer me up no doubt!

Thanks again Smile Thanks

OP posts:
FlumpsRule · 22/05/2013 17:57

I don't think it does children any harm to see consequences to their actions - if you're upset, she (loves you really and) won't like it. It's more 'real' than saying "don't do/say that dear" & remaining emotionless.

Hope you feel better soon.

Madamecastafiore · 22/05/2013 18:00

Gargle with dilute hydrogen peroxide. I guarantee will be fine in 24hrs.

digerd · 22/05/2013 18:40

When we were little they took your tonsils out as early as possible. I was 4, don't remember having tonsilitis beforehand, but do remember being in hospital having them out.
Myy DD had hers out at 14.

It's not right that you have to suffer like this so often every year.

Hope you are better in time for your camping holiday.

goonyagoodthing · 22/05/2013 18:45

OP I got my tonsils out when I was 20. I kept getting infections, like yourself, and I know how awful it is. I had my spleen removed at 17 and the doctors were reluctant to remove the tonsils as they fight germs that my missing spleen couldn't. It was one of the best things I ever did. Fight with your doctor if you have to. Your life will change completely.

complexnumber · 22/05/2013 18:53

Your child spits in another's face?

diddl · 22/05/2013 19:00

4 or 5 times a year??

And you are expected to put up with that?

Are they hoping that you'll grow out of it??

She might not have meant the words but spitting is nasty imo-yes, even at 5!

There'd have to be sanctions for that!

HullMum · 22/05/2013 19:01

it's not a long op, so you might want to actually read it complex

NotWilliamBoyd · 22/05/2013 19:03

Your Dd spat at you and your Dh says you are being stupid and over-reacting!!?

Wow.........

5 is certainly old enough to know that spitting is wrong.

diddl · 22/05/2013 19:06

Glad my kids never loved me enough to spit in my face tbh!

Wishiwasanheiress · 22/05/2013 19:26

She's five and has no words to describe the sudden onslaught of unfairness/rage she felt. I hate u was said. She doesn't mean it. She was just very cross.

Poor u though. I'd be in floods too.

Wishiwasanheiress · 22/05/2013 19:27

Agree about spitting tho. They know that at two if told.

Original poster
bluesheep · 22/05/2013 20:55

Re. the repeated tonsilitis, my GP has said they rarely take out tonsils in adults any more, but that if I got it 10 times in 12 months they might consider referring me. I've asked if I can ring for a phone appointment each time rather than have to book a full appointment each time, so every time I get a slight twinge I'll ring up and get it put on the system. I'm 34 now, if I haven't grown out of this now I'm not sure I ever will.

The spitting was like a raspberry that she did in my face as I put her in the car. She knows that it's a disgusting thing to do, and I was more shocked by that than the words. She hasn't done this before, so I don't know where it's come from. When we got home I told her how disgusted, sad and upset I was by her behaviour and took away all her privileges. Hopefully she knows how awful she was and learns from it.

DH had a long chat with her when he got home as well, so although he was very cross he just doesn't really get upset by much. His response was 'well, it's not the last time we're going to be told that we're hated'. I just didn't realise I was going to have to hear it quite so soon!

OP posts:
DystopianReality · 22/05/2013 21:38

Sometimes, saying sorry is cathartic and soothing for the 'culprit'. It helps to heal everyone. I would still have expected an apology.

Original poster
bluesheep · 22/05/2013 21:55

From DD or DH? DD apologised many times, at first I think it was just because she wanted to have her holiday money back but after she saw me crying she kept apologising and telling me she loved me.

OP posts:
kawliga · 22/05/2013 22:00

Spitting at anyone (mother or not) and saying 'I hate you' to anyone (mother or not) is not acceptable behaviour at age 5. I know she didn't mean it but that doesn't excuse bad behaviour and your DH is wrong to think it's ok because she didn't mean it. Of course they are still innocent at age 5 and they don't mean the nasty things they say but they still need to be disciplined, right?

Moreover when she's older and does really hurtful things without meaning to will your DH still be saying it's ok she didn't mean it? He is wrong. He is wrong to say you are overreacting.

kawliga · 22/05/2013 22:04

I vote for apology from DH.

DD is only 5 that's really really young and she should not be managing your emotions in this way. I think it's upsetting for a young child to see their mother cry. My DD (also 5) has seen me cry though it was not to do with her behaviour and she found it very upsetting. I agree with the poster who said it's ok for her to see you cry in this situation as it teaches her that she crossed a line but please, she should not be made to feel guilty she's far too young to manage such heavy emotions. Your DH on the other hand...he should know better.

thebody · 22/05/2013 22:08

What kwaliga says, absolutely.

MisForMumNotMaid · 22/05/2013 22:10

I vote for DH taking over the packing, breakfast, evening meal and bedtime for a few days to allow you to get a little rest pre holiday. You sound shattered.

Send him out for ready meals if needs be, just get him to shoulder some of the preholiday workload so that you all get to enjoy the holiday.

Swipe left for the next trending thread