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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to just return gifts and say nothing?

44 replies

chaosisawayoflife · 21/05/2013 21:41

Yes, another mil thread. Dd1's b'day tomorrow. Mil has just given us a bag of presents and some gift receipts. One of the gifts is a Barbie. Fine, dd1 loves Barbie. All she wanted from father Christmas was a Barbie so we got her one, and a wardrobe of Barbie clothes. In the 2 months after Xmas mil got dd a further 7 barbies from charity shops and gave her 1 or 2 every time she saw her. All fine, lovely, don't have a problem with cs, did have a slight problem with the fact that her main present from fc was devalued by getting another one every week since, but fine, whatever. After the 8th Barbie I mentioned to mil that she probably had enough now and didn't need any more. I thought she'd listened, until now. Never mind.
The rest of the gifts are clothes. Again, fine, lovely, every child need clothes. But I know these are going to be emblazoned with hello Kitty, Disney princesses, Minnie mouse etc etc. I refuse to dress my girls in character clothes, call me a snob, whatever, I don't care, I hate them. She has in the past regularly bought these clothes and I will use t-shirts as pjs but that's it. I'm sure she must have realised by now that I don't dress them in these clothes, but she keeps on buying them. I don't want to upset her (she's a big, forceful character) so wibu to discreetly return them after dd has opened them?

OP posts:

CajaDeLaMemoria · 21/05/2013 21:43

Won't she notice?

I think you either need to speak to her, or let it go, or she'll continue to buy things you don't want. It's hard, because it's your Mil... Maybe it would be better coming from her son?

chandellina · 21/05/2013 21:45

After this, I would say you are limiting toys and clothes for dd because she has too many, and ask for a specific thing for bday/xmas. If she continues to provide gifts I would go ahead and return them.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 21/05/2013 21:45

Are character clothes chavvy? Genuine question.

bobthebear · 21/05/2013 21:46

I think YABU. They're your DD's gifts and therefore aren't yours to get rid of. Can't your DD just wear the clothes to places you don't mind her getting dirty or unfortunately caught on some barbed wire

How old is DD?

ColdWindsOfSuburbia · 21/05/2013 21:47

Suck it up.

They'll never change, but they will take offence.

Let your Dd open the gifts, then after a few weeks discretely charity shop the majority of the items.

At another occasion - maybe get your DH to broach it neutrally "wow - Dd is a bit swamped with barbies now - maybe she could keep some at your house?"

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 21/05/2013 21:48

Yabu - there is no way you can do that without causing offence.

Let her wear them in the paddling pool, in bed, whatever. And tbh your dd will probably like them and you are being a snob. You need to pick your battles and in the grand scheme of things, this really isn't a big deal you know. Wait until your dd wants nose piercings and tattoos etc and you'll look back fondly on Hello Kitty.

Original poster

chaosisawayoflife · 21/05/2013 21:49

Not sure if you're asking whether dd or mil would notice. Mil only sees dd1 once a week at most, so wouldn't notice clothes were missing. Dd will be 5 tomorrow, may notice but I could fob her off and distract her if she did. Dh wouldn't say anything, he idolises her.

OP posts:

Original poster

chaosisawayoflife · 21/05/2013 21:51

Cross posted with many! Speaking of piercings and tattoos, I'm still surprised mil hasn't had dd's ears pierced behind my back, she's been along if she can since dd was 3 months old!

OP posts:

MisForMumNotMaid · 21/05/2013 21:52

I don't know the solution but just think yourself lucky its barbies your MIL is buying. My mum and xmil got into a who could buy the DC's the biggest tractor/ trailer competition. It didn't stop at tractors and trailers, it went onto dumper trucks, mini off road ride in cars, scooters, bikes etc. i was in the process of downsizing and whilst grateful for their generosity to the DC it was so hard to find polite words to stop the excess.

WipsGlitter · 21/05/2013 21:53

I'm with you on the character clothes. But I did relent and get my DS some and he was so happy!

Cherriesarelovely · 21/05/2013 22:07

I understand how you feel. My ex mil was a bit like this. Not so much with the character clothes but with the obscene amount of presents. Really, really ott and not for birthdays or christmas, literally every weekend. We ended up having a huge falling out over it. I made my point though and she is now much more sensible. You do feel horrible objecting to it because it is borne of generosity but it is not good for your DC and I agree it does devalue the moderate amount of things you buy for you own DC.

EnglishRose1320 · 21/05/2013 22:09

I tend to accept that relatives will buy character clothes so in the run up to bday/Christmas make suggestions like 'she loved the peppa pig outfit you got her last year, she is really short of pj's atm any chance y

EnglishRose1320 · 21/05/2013 22:09

Ou could get her some' character pj's are not so bad I find

EnglishRose1320 · 21/05/2013 22:11

Plus let your children leave any loud or annoying presents at the in laws to play with when they visit and I find in laws start buying more sensible gifts

Hassled · 21/05/2013 22:13

I think character clothes are an example of things you may detest but just have to suck up as a parent. I hate them - but my DCs all had them. You can't fight it - but they will grow out of it.

And then you have the Superdry/Hollister years and wish a Thomas the Tank Engine T Shirt was still good enough.

LimeLeaffLizard · 21/05/2013 22:15

I'd return most of the unwanted gifts and keep just a couple for her to wear when she sees MIL.

I think some grandparents grew up with so little that they can't understand how nowadays many kids have too much stuff. Overload is just stressful.

Does your DD want the 7 second hand barbies?

DeskPlanner · 21/05/2013 22:21

Does your dd like the clothes and barbies ? If so YABU. I'm not a fan of character clothing, but my dc like them so they have them.

PoppyWearer · 21/05/2013 22:21

I'm with you on the character clothes, FWIW.

crashdoll · 21/05/2013 22:23

How old is DD? Does she like character t-shirts? If so, then YABVU.

Sirzy · 21/05/2013 22:24

I agree desk planner.

I am not keen on character clothes but DS loves them

dufflefluffle · 21/05/2013 22:27

But this is your dd's relationship with her grandmother. Your snooty attitude towards the style of the clothes is such a small matter compared to the importance of their relationship. If she has too many Barbies let her leave some at her Granny's. My MIL gives my DD god awful presents so I do have some idea of where you're coming from but I feel that that is their relationship and not mine to dictate. YABU.

TwistTee · 21/05/2013 22:39

I sort of understand this. My mil has bought a few outfits for my dd that I don't really approve of. Often synthetic, adult style clothes or lots of very cheap stuff.
DH and I also get a bit annoyed at the amount of stuff dd is given on her bday and at Christmas. Lots and lots of cheap presents. I really wish they would give her just one thing but really put some thought into it. Of course dd loves all the cheap toys regardless of the fact that most of them break within a few days.

Anyway, I have suggested they but less but to no avail, so every now and then things get sent off to the charity shop and clothes remain unworn.

pigletmania · 21/05/2013 22:43

Yabvu regarding the clothes, they are her gifts you cannot give them away. They are character clothing, not ht pants and crop tops! Suck it up

Startail · 21/05/2013 22:47

YANBU about Barbie hateful pointless things, the clothes rip and the hair frizzes,
. totally usless.

As for the clothes YABU all little girls should be allowed to wear Hello kitty and Minnie Mouse it's what little girls do.

loubielou31 · 21/05/2013 22:49

I'd return them, (possible before your DD opens them and then rewrap the replacements )

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