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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask this man at work out over email?

50 replies

SeeingTheLight · 19/05/2013 10:24

He sits on the opposite side of the room to me and I have quite a school girl crush on him, even though I've never spoken to him. I get the impression that he only really speaks to people in his department.

Would it be creepy if I sent him an email? (on the system at work everyones work email is listed)

If it was the other way around and a man sent a woman an email it would be viewed as sweet, but I think a woman sending a man an email could be seen as desperate.

(He is also single btw)

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 19/05/2013 10:26

Why can't you speak to him?

MalcolmTuckersMum · 19/05/2013 10:26

I wouldn't. What if he's not interested at all? Has he given you any hint that he might be? If he bums you out then you've got to spend the rest of forever sitting opposite him wishing you hadn't been such a donk!

Rindercella · 19/05/2013 10:26

I wouldn't if I were you. Remember that work emails are not private so someone in your IT department - or your manager Shock - could see it.

No chance of bumping into him at the photocopier or coffee machine?

FreddieMisaGREATshag · 19/05/2013 10:27

Not over work email. That could leads to all kinds of a shitstorm depending on your work policy on email and internet use.

HollyBerryBush · 19/05/2013 10:28

Does he go to lunch? follow him into the lift, contrive a meeting in the café, sandwich shop and have a conversation.

NoelHeadbands · 19/05/2013 10:29

If you haven't even approached him, then yes

CREEPY

And I'd say the same if it was a man sending to a woman Grin

flossy101 · 19/05/2013 10:29

I wouldn't, what if he didn't reply?

could you not engineer a meeting, follow him when he goes to the canteen, on his way out at home time etc? And get chatting that way?

SavoyCabbage · 19/05/2013 10:29

Nooooooo, don't. You need to speak to him if you want to go out with him.

livinginwonderland · 19/05/2013 10:30

work e-mails aren't private! plus, you've never even spoken to him before. bump into him and get to know him :)

Salmotrutta · 19/05/2013 10:30

I always go with the motto:
"Never put anything in a work e-mail that you wouldn't be happy to show the world"

Works for me.

janey68 · 19/05/2013 10:31

Big no no to do this over work email! And that applies both ways round- I would say the same to a man.
What on earth is wrong with striking up a real life conversation ?

Salmotrutta · 19/05/2013 10:31

And yes, it would be a bit weird too.

Ragwort · 19/05/2013 10:32

Surely no one thinks it is 'sweet' if a man asks a woman out over email Hmm - or have I just been out of the workplace too long? I would think it totally inappropriate.

What is wrong with the old fashioned way of chatting over coffee/the water cooler/photocopier /getting to know each other in a meeting or whatever your work environment is and then asking him out if there is any 'interest'? Wink

HollyBerryBush · 19/05/2013 10:34

If he fancied you, there would have been eye contact across a crowded floor by now.

Original poster
SeeingTheLight · 19/05/2013 10:34

Oh .... Sad Guess I'll just have to let this one go.

We don't have a lift at work and only have 10 minute breaks and half an hour lunch - always at different times during the day. So it's unlikely we would ever have one at the same time.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 19/05/2013 10:34

I remember when offices had those funny machines that had a turning handle - Bandas? - they made inky looking copies.

And carbon paper

Salmotrutta · 19/05/2013 10:36

Surely you could find a reason to loiter with intent in his general deskage area?

Drop something and spend ages tidying it up?

Original poster
SeeingTheLight · 19/05/2013 10:37

What on earth is wrong with striking up a real life conversation ?

I'm not a shy person and I would prefer a real life conversation, but I have no reason to ever go over to his side of the room - the photocopier and water cooler is right next to me, and he's never used either of them whilst I've been there.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 19/05/2013 10:38

Salmon - do you remember the telex machines as well (not even sure if that is the right word?? Grin. I even learned to type on a manual typewriter, so excited when I got a 'golf ball' !!!!

NoelHeadbands · 19/05/2013 10:38

But you do have a reason to go over to his side of the room- to strike up a conversation with him!

LeaveTheBastid · 19/05/2013 10:39

I'd be mortified if someone I probably didn't even know existed sent me an email via the work system Shock

Don't do it, honestly. If you won't approach him in person then just keep him as what he is, something pretty to look at when the day drags. He could be an absolute dick for all you know!

HollyBerryBush · 19/05/2013 10:40

telex machines, with the ticker tape that you shoved in and it punched little holes out?

Ronex, with the pink tippex stuff?

ah those were the days

Ragwort · 19/05/2013 10:41

What sort of environment do you work in that 'you would never have reason to go his side of the room'? Genuine question, I can't imagine working in an office where you wouldn't speak to other colleagues, even if it is just a chat about the weather/working conditions/something in the news - do you really, really not have the opportunity to say 'good morning' to him?

How big is your office?

But I am from the era where we used to have regular sherry parties every Friday - My boss had a drinks cabinet in her room Grin - guess that wouldn't be allowed these days !

HollyBerryBush · 19/05/2013 10:41

light bulb<

I am genius, I am - why don't you organise a general Friday night after works drink and send out a whole floor email?

Used to work in my world Grin

Salmotrutta · 19/05/2013 10:44

I was well jel of people who had typewriters.

My dad had an ancient old thing that weighed five tons and he used to let us play with it sometimes.

"The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"

Them were the days... When it was all fields round here Grin

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