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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask this man at work out over email?

50 replies

SeeingTheLight · 19/05/2013 10:24

He sits on the opposite side of the room to me and I have quite a school girl crush on him, even though I've never spoken to him. I get the impression that he only really speaks to people in his department.

Would it be creepy if I sent him an email? (on the system at work everyones work email is listed)

If it was the other way around and a man sent a woman an email it would be viewed as sweet, but I think a woman sending a man an email could be seen as desperate.

(He is also single btw)

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 19/05/2013 10:45

Brilliant idea Holly!

Original poster
SeeingTheLight · 19/05/2013 10:46

What sort of environment do you work in that 'you would never have reason to go his side of the room'?

In the room I work in there are 5 different teams, I am on a team of 14 - the other teams are similar in numbers so there must be 70ish in the room.

I don't have anything to do with his department ever, I would have no need to ever either.

I'm not sure I could casually stroll over there and say "nice weather we're having" Grin

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 19/05/2013 10:46

Affect female helplessness, break something and look pathetic, if he's meant to be your knight in shining armour, he'll leap up and fix it. or pick it up. or something. Then you can go all Mills and Boon and give him a long lingering smouldering look, go a bit asthmatic breathless and say you simply have to buy him a drink to thank him.

Who said romance was dead?

MrsMargoLeadbetter · 19/05/2013 10:48

I'd agree with Holly if you are the organiser of something you will have an excuse to talk to him/see him outside of work.

Be bold!

NoelHeadbands · 19/05/2013 10:48

I'm not sure I could casually stroll over there and say "nice weather we're having"

C'mon, but you'd send him an email?! Course you could Smile

Laquila · 19/05/2013 10:48

I can see how it would be difficult to engineer a casual conversation - I work in a huge open-plan office and there are plenty of people who I have no reason to talk to/deal with - it would be hard to come up with a. Eason that didn't look made-up!

FWIW I don't think it's creepy to send him an email - I think it's quite sweet - but I am always wary of relationships that begin via email or text - can be quite hard to progress to the next stage of real-life contact! Also definitely wary of using work email - all IT departments read their staff's emails - it's a fact of life.

GoofyIsACow · 19/05/2013 10:50

I did exactly this and now we are married with three children... Just do it! :) (sent an email to the other side of the office btw)

fluckered · 19/05/2013 10:51

is his name on the list of email address next to someone you would talk to or email about work? you could email him work related and then email saying sorry about that it was meant for so and so. it may be an ice breaker

Original poster
SeeingTheLight · 19/05/2013 10:51

Haha Holly you should write a book - I'm predicting it'll be even bigger than 50 Shades Grin

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 19/05/2013 10:51

Do you know any one who knows him? can you contrive an introduction? Do you get the same bus/train home? anything where you can bump into him?

Why can't you give a cheery good morning when you come in to work to that particular bank of desks?

ZacharyQuack · 19/05/2013 10:53

What you need is a good reason for everyone in the office to move from their designated areas and to talk to people outside their teams.

So, either some kind of (mild) natural disaster or vermin. Could you arrange for a whole bunch of bats to be release? Then you have an excuse to squeal appealingly and run over to the other side of the room and accidentally fall into his arms.

Original poster
SeeingTheLight · 19/05/2013 10:53

Did you Goofy - do you remember what you said in it?

OP posts:
CheeseStrawWars · 19/05/2013 10:54

Don't send an email - doesn't sound like you know him that well, he might be the type to forward it on to his mates and laugh about it.

Just talk to him!

claudedebussy · 19/05/2013 10:55

mutual friends / colleagues?

drinks after work?

Original poster
SeeingTheLight · 19/05/2013 10:55

Do you know any one who knows him? can you contrive an introduction?

The guy I sit next to, he used to sit near him and would talk to his friend who sat next to him. So my colleague asked his friend for me if he was single (but didn't say it was me)

His friend replied that yeah he was, and then said he felt like he was back at school. Grin

OP posts:
claudedebussy · 19/05/2013 10:55

yes - def NO email.

it will come back to bite.

GoofyIsACow · 19/05/2013 10:56

I cant really remember, my brain has been erased by too many sleepless nights. But I seem to remember we were having a conversation by email before the actual 'asking out' as such.
Not sure how the conversation started, I think I had to send him something work related and added a bit of chat at the end. I was far braver back then, I still can't quite believe I had the guts to do it and i still rib DH to this day that I was the one who did the asking Grin

Do you have any work related contact at all?

HollyBerryBush · 19/05/2013 10:56

There we go - get the bloke you sit next to ask the bloke you fancy for a drink and tag a long - make sure bloke you sit next to knows to bugger off after one pint though Grin

fluckered · 19/05/2013 10:57

you could just walk up to him and say nicely "i heard you were good with excel/reports/some work task" and ask for his help.

CheeseStrawWars · 19/05/2013 10:58

Walk over, say "Hi, I'm X, I sit over there. I wondered if you fancied going out for a drink sometime? Have a think about it and let me know." Alluring smile, and walk back to your desk.

If he gets back to you to say no, it's a breezy "Oh, that's too bad. Never mind!"

Job done.

fluckered · 19/05/2013 10:59

i wouldnt be involving a friend right now ... you just like his looks you might not like him when you get to know him. start some menial work conversation and test the waters. otherwise you risk being the topic of office gossip.

GoofyIsACow · 19/05/2013 11:00

Cheesestraw... Perfect!

HollyBerryBush · 19/05/2013 11:02

Do men being asked out? Mind you I didn't give DH any option, I just told him we were going out, but we did know each other first through mutual friends. I don't know if I'd have the balls to do it if I didn't already know someone and had judged the chemistry etc.

Original poster
SeeingTheLight · 19/05/2013 11:10

Nice idea Cheesestraw but .... I'm so not brave enough to do that. Also he sits with a group of men who would probably find it hilarious.

OP posts:
SacreBlue · 19/05/2013 11:11

I think sending a personal email to someone you don't know - except to look at - but have the opportunity, no matter how inconvenient, to speak to in person - is a bit off if not making it into creepy

Arriving early or staying a bit later might give you the time to approach him. If his friend has already said the approach so far feels 'like being back at school' then I would be inclined to step up in person yourself like an adult or back off completely.

The last thing you need in any office is an atmosphere developing with rumours abounding and people feeling/acting childish.

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