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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I ask friend to replace cake pan she ruined

60 replies

jayisagirlsnametoo · 08/05/2013 05:24

Hi, this is my first AIBU so please be kind! :)

I leant my friend my cake pan as she wanted to make a birthday cake for a mutual friend. When it was returned, the cake had clearly been cut in the pan as there were numerous scratches from the edge to the centre. It was non stick, but obviously now ruined by scratches. I know it isn't a huge item but I don't have a great amount of money and I'd only bought it to make a cake for someone else in the past.

Would I be unreasonable to ask for her to replace it, or does that seem petty over a cake pan?

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 08/05/2013 05:29

Have you asked her about it? I think SHE might see it as petty, personally if I'd done that to a borrowed cake pan I'd have a) apologised and b) bought a replacement! As she didn't even mention it (assuming from your OP that she didn't) then I'd say she's not bothered that she's spoilt it.

Thing is, it is still usable but you'd have to now line the pan with greaseproof paper, same as if it wasn't non-stick. So she'd probably tell you that.

I think you have to evaluate the friendship, see if it's worth possibly losing it over a cake pan and then decide whether or not to bring it up with your friend.

And, as I should have remembered myself, don't lend stuff you can't afford to replace (Currently in the position of trying to retrieve 6 lent cake pans, 2 cooling racks and 2 muffin trays from a friend who moved while I was overseas!)

RubyOnRails · 08/05/2013 05:30

Petty.

PurplePidjin · 08/05/2013 05:37

she should replace it, but be prepared for her to rudely go Hmm You aren't risking the friendship by asking, though, she is by being disrespectful of your property

And it's alright for some, being able to write off a fiver's worth (minimum) of luxury item for the sake of a misguided sense of politeness

NynaevesSister · 08/05/2013 05:39

I probably wouldn't ask but would write it off to experience. I might ask her if she knew you can't use metal utensils in a non stick pan though. I had a friend stay who ruined a pot using a metal spoon in it. Twice I pointed out to her where the non metal utensils were and I also had a pointed chat about how much of a pain it was not being able to use metal utensils with non stick.

Finally I had to say it point blank before I lost anymore pots. She just had no idea.

In your situation I would tell the friend not to worry, it was just one of those things but she might want to tell the person who cut the cake in the tin that metal ruins non stick.

And you shouldn't use it really now that the non stick coating is coming off.

LittleMissLucy · 08/05/2013 05:45

Not petty. She should have returned it in the state she found it, or replaced it in my opinion.

MusicalEndorphins · 08/05/2013 05:53

Maybe say something to your friend along these lines. "Friend, I guess that you didn't realize this, but my non stick pan isn't non stick since you borrowed it, as it has scratches in the coating from someone using a regular knife in the pan. You need to use a special knife made for non stick bakeware, or turn the cake out onto a plate. I thought I'd let you know so if you ever buy yourself a cake pan, you won't ruin it. "
If she respects other peoples stuff, she should offer to replace it, if she doesn't, then you know never to lend her anything again.

Tailtwister · 08/05/2013 07:07

YANBU. Cake tins can be very expensive and even if it wasn't you don't borrow something and return it damaged.

I don't think you need to beat around the bush on this one. She must know the tin is damaged and is obviously not saying anything in the hope she'll get away with it. Just be straight with her. She borrowed something from you, damaged it and therefore needs to replace it like for like.

TobyLerone · 08/05/2013 07:08

It's not ruined.

pictish · 08/05/2013 07:09

Hmmm...this would annoy me....but I probably wouldn't ask for a replacement, but rather chalk it down to experience.

emsyj · 08/05/2013 07:16

I would be annoyed at this, but wouldn't say anything. It would colour my view of her as a friend though, because I would certainly not borrow something and return it in that state. I once borrowed a maternity dress from a friend - I ripped it and she said she wasn't bothered and not to worry, but I still replaced it. I couldn't have lived with myself otherwise!!!

I had a friend once who I was quite close to until she borrowed a rather expensive evening bag from me that had diamante decoration on it. She returned it with half the diamantes missing. I was really offended and have to confess I cooled the friendship considerably and don't socialise with her any more. If she'd confessed to it, I would not have been worried and would have told her to forget it, but the fact that she just merrily handed it over in a bag and never mentioned having ruined it made me really cross.

Lora1982 · 08/05/2013 07:18

Ive got three you can have one if you around east midlands? They annoy me, hanging around the cupboard.

andadietcoke · 08/05/2013 07:26

Is it ruined? You could always spray it with cake release rather than faffing with grease proof paper or a liner. If you do ask her to replace it (and as others have said you should be prepared for it to go badly) then she should at least get the 'ruined' cake pan in exchange.

usualsuspect · 08/05/2013 07:29

I wouldn't ask her to replace it. I wouldn't even mention it.

NoelHeadbands · 08/05/2013 07:30

It's not a huge deal is it? I couldn't risk bad feeling for the sake of a cake tin myself, she won't have done it deliberately

Molehillmountain · 08/05/2013 07:31

Yanbu to hope that she would offer-I absolutely would offer to and actually insist to replace. But I don't think it's worth risking a friendship over. If she asks to borrow again, then either don't lend or explain about how to look after tins. It's really frustrating Sad

pictish · 08/05/2013 07:31

All of my non stick bakeware has a few scratches on it....works just the same tbh.

usualsuspect · 08/05/2013 07:32

You can still use it it's not ruined.

newbiefrugalgal · 08/05/2013 07:33

I'd be annoyed and might say something if timing was right but wouldn't ask for a replacement.

usualsuspect · 08/05/2013 07:33

My cake tins are all scratched from use.

Bananasinfadedpjs · 08/05/2013 07:38

She might not know it is ruined. I often cut cakes in the pan. I didn't realise it ruined them until I read this. If she doesn't even own a cake tin, she's probably even less likely to know how to look after them. You should have told her how to make sure it didn't get any scratches before you lent it to her, but it's too late now.

I think it looks a bit petty to mention it, chances are she didn't realise, and she'll be mortified and embarrassed.

pictish · 08/05/2013 07:39

And tbh, when I said earlier that this would annoy me, I was just trying to be understanding.
It wouldn't annoy me. It's a cake tin. That will work just the same.

usualsuspect · 08/05/2013 07:44

Have you withdrawn your understanding ,Pitish Grin

gaelicsheep · 08/05/2013 07:45

It depends if she's actually your friend or not. If not then sure, ask her to replace it.

usualsuspect · 08/05/2013 07:45

Pictish*

Wowserz129 · 08/05/2013 07:46

Petty to ask for a replacement, it's a cake tin.