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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I ask friend to replace cake pan she ruined

60 replies

jayisagirlsnametoo · 08/05/2013 05:24

Hi, this is my first AIBU so please be kind! :)

I leant my friend my cake pan as she wanted to make a birthday cake for a mutual friend. When it was returned, the cake had clearly been cut in the pan as there were numerous scratches from the edge to the centre. It was non stick, but obviously now ruined by scratches. I know it isn't a huge item but I don't have a great amount of money and I'd only bought it to make a cake for someone else in the past.

Would I be unreasonable to ask for her to replace it, or does that seem petty over a cake pan?

OP posts:

SacreBlue · 08/05/2013 07:48

V annoying when people borrow things and return them damaged, I expect it is one of those things to let go this time and don't lend the next time tho.

Khaleese · 08/05/2013 07:48

Petty to ask now, i'd chalk it up to experience. Don't give her your stuff again.

pigletmania · 08/05/2013 07:58

How much do you value te friendship? I personally would let it go but not lent to her again. It's not worth it really. I am sure you can buy another cake tin, go to Wilkos, Home Bargains, pound stretcher for again ones iam sure they have cheaper non stick pan, dies not have to be a branded one!

pictish · 08/05/2013 08:07

I have usual.

It's a cake tin. Just a cake tin. A cake tin that will still bake a cake.

gaelicsheep · 08/05/2013 08:16

Anyhow, you grease and line cake tins, no? So it will make no difference at all.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 08/05/2013 08:20

It depends which you value more; the friendship or the cake pan. If it's the cake pan, then definitely ask for a replacement.

wiltingfast · 08/05/2013 08:21

Definitely petty. Let it go.

And never lend anything expecting to get it back in the same condition it went. If it is that precious, don't lend.

senua · 08/05/2013 08:26

You should have said something when it was returned damaged. It's too late to say something now and will appear petty.

However you are allowed - should the occasion ever arises - to loudly refuse to lend to someone else. If karma is kind it will be in earshot of friend and you can passively/aggresively explain why you no longer lend your bakeware.
OK, OK I know this will never happen but if you replay this scene in your head it will help you to get virtual closure.

RubyGates · 08/05/2013 08:40

Maybe she didn't do the damage, but someone else (the friend for whom the cake was made perhaps?) did it.

Maybe she knows that the tin is damaged, but can't afford to replace it and is too embarrassed to mention it.

Either way I think it would be petty to mention it.

And as several other people have mentioned it's better not to buy non-stick cake pans in the first place. Cake release or greasing/flouring the tin is healthier for everyone.

Littlehousesomewhere · 08/05/2013 08:50

I wouldn't ask her to replace it.

I would make a mental note to never lend her anything again.

I would also be more cautious about lending things that can get damaged easily to others.

I wouldn't use it either, scratched nonstick pans releases toxins.

2rebecca · 08/05/2013 09:05

You can just coat the inside with greaseproof paper or the cake liners lakeland etc sell.
Googling the nonstick toxic issue it's inhaling the fumes if you heat a nonstick pan to a high temp with nothing in it that is toxic, the more academic reports say scratches are harmless.

Thewhingingdefective · 08/05/2013 09:23

I would be peed off about it, but I wouldn't ask for a replacement. Just remember not to lend her a cake tin again!

lessemin · 08/05/2013 10:18

If I lent a cake tin to any of my friends I would be impressed that I got it back at all

AngryGnome · 08/05/2013 10:19

I have recently lent a lot of baby things to my sister's in-laws, who had a baby grandson visiting from overseas.

We lent them a ball pool - came back to us with a total of 10 balls as the dog had chewed and punctured the rest. They told me it was 'hilarious'.

I also lent them a couple of Annabel Karmel/baby led weaning cookery books (the baby is weaning, and his mum was keen to read them). They have obviously had somthing spilt on them, as none of the pages will separate now (in all three books!) and are completely unsusable. It is very obvious - not only are the pages stuck together but the covers are all stained. They didn't even mention it - presumably not as 'hilarious' as the dog chewing

I won't be asking for replacements, but neither will I be lending anything again in the future.

pictish · 08/05/2013 10:20

Never lend out what you can't afford to lose.

Stick to that rule and you'll do well.

msrisotto · 08/05/2013 10:27

Leave it and never lend her anything again.

dufflefluffle · 08/05/2013 10:31

I would never cut a cake in its tin but I would always line even a non-stick pan so...in your case I'd let it go, know not to lend anything to this friend again and try to forget your irritation. Everyone has different standards of care for their (and others) possessions.

Fakebook · 08/05/2013 10:34

How badly is it scratched? I doubt it will stop working from small scratches. It would annoy me too, but I'd never lend my prized possessions to anyone. (My cake tins are all from the 99p store, not even the pound shop, so not very special to me).

SconeInSixtySeconds · 08/05/2013 10:34

I am a bit torn on this one. If it was just a bog standard circle tin then I would mention it to friend but not ask for a replacement.

However, if it was an expensive shaped tin (teddy or train or something) I would have smoke coming out of my ears and would definitely ask for a replacement.

So which was it op?

CSIJanner · 08/05/2013 10:40

Are we talking a series of tiny scratches or chasms as they've welded carving knives into the base?

Not mocking - have seen it done. Te encore were rock cakes that bent knives

Branleuse · 08/05/2013 10:40

I wouldnt say anything. It will still work

dont lend her anything again though, and if she asks why, then mention it then and then say that you wont be lending anything to anyone that you cant afford to be lose.

AngryGnome · 08/05/2013 10:45

It comes down to which do you value more - your cake-pan or your friend? Do you think she could have genuinely not realised the damage she has caused? She might be mortified if you bring it up, and apologise and offer to replace straightaway.

Bricklestick · 08/05/2013 11:18

Just don't lend her anything again, job done. Did she know it was non-stick?

Nagoo · 08/05/2013 11:25

It's not ruined.

The proportionate reaction to getting a scratched pan back is this:

Don't mention it.

Original poster

jayisagirlsnametoo · 09/05/2013 16:15

Hi all, sorry for not replying sooner, and thank you for all your input.

I do believe it is ruined, in the same way that a shirt would be if it had an ugly black stain on it that wouldn't wash out. It could still carry out the practical function of a shirt, but it would definitely be ruined.

It wasn't a cheap cake pan, but it wasn't overly expensive either. It is the principal of having something returned to me in a much different condition than I leant it out which bugs me. Whenever I borrow things I always make sure it is returned in the same condition, I forget that others aren't so careful! Next time (if there is a next time!) I will make sure to warn the borrower to treat it nicely!

Anyway, I texted my friend on the same night the pan was returned to me (when I wrote the OP) and she was very apologetic and said she would replace it before I suggested, and asked me where it had been bought so I know she will get me one of the same quality. Result!

OP posts:

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