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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not be brimming over in sympathy.

51 replies

edinbuirgh80 · 07/05/2013 12:41

So yesterday dh had a vasectomy. He has been a complete nighmare. Basically saying/being in so much pain and really milking it. I have tried to be sympathetic but its starting to grate a little now.
After all i have had 3 csections and after this last one pretty much had to get on with looking after our 3 dc and the house. He had 3 days off work only and even than had to be asked to change a nappy. He didn't once offer to do any hoovering or ironing etc so it just got lef until I had to ask him to do it.
Aibu

OP posts:
litterrage · 07/05/2013 12:43

Two wrongs don't make a right.

pinkyredrose · 07/05/2013 12:44

YANBU!

Remind him that 3 pregnancies and cs aren't exactly a walk in the park.

pinkyredrose · 07/05/2013 12:45

litterrage what?

everlong · 07/05/2013 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gordyslovesheep · 07/05/2013 12:49

Maybe it is painful ...yabu

BiteTheTopsOffIcedGems · 07/05/2013 12:53

Did I write this? Are you me?
YANBU.
My husband wanted to sleep at his parents house to rest, they wanted him to as well. The look on my face must have said what I was feeling he didn't stay.
After the birth of my fifth child by emergency section with other complications I was doing the school run two weeks later.

chocoluvva · 07/05/2013 12:55

Give him a pile of codeine and he'll sleep it off - hopefully.

AuntieStella · 07/05/2013 12:59

What do his bollocks look like at the moment?

If aubergines, then probably he's not just milking it.

zippey · 07/05/2013 13:03

Give the guy a break. If he's looking for a bit of tlc, give him it. You are his wife after all. If it were the other way round, I would say the same.

He will appreciate you all the more for it.

We dont know the pain other people are in, and pain thresholds are different for different people. There is solid argument that mens threshold for pain is lower than womens as well.

likeitorlumpit · 07/05/2013 13:07

just nod , smile and start reminiscing about your THREE c sections , he will get the message .

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 07/05/2013 13:12

He's probably psycologically stressed along with physically. You know how some men are when it comes to their 'manhood'.

Give him another day and some painkillers and then tell him to pull himself together Grin

NotYoMomma · 07/05/2013 13:12

I don't understand this competitive misery, why compare your c section to his op unless its to say 'mine was worse than yours ner ner ner' in an annoying self righteous manner.

I would never compare childbirth to my dh getting the snip, let him have his moan, whinge etc but then think 'thankful he has had that done' and all move on

Startail · 07/05/2013 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

CelticPixie · 07/05/2013 13:19

Startail what a rude response.

natwebb79 · 07/05/2013 13:21

Noooo he didn't offer to do any ironing or hoovering when the OP had just had a CS, not now he's had the op. And are you serious with "You are a house proud idiot and in my experience they become ex wives."?? I really hope you're joking.

kotinka · 07/05/2013 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emsyj · 07/05/2013 13:28

Errrr, Startail I think the OP meant that the husband didn't help and do the ironing after any of her sections...

So perhaps it's not the OP who's the idiot, eh? Wink

NotYoMomma · 07/05/2013 13:31

Well I wouldn't have stood for that, dh would have been made to do the ironing...

Why do people put up with that and then martyr themselves. Should have put your foot down!

DH wouldn't have needed a vasectomy as I would have chopped off his nuts for making me iron after an op!

Dahlen · 07/05/2013 13:31

Well I wouldn't lower yourself to his level by being unsympathetic about it, but TBH his current vasectomy sounds like the least of your problems. He sounds like another manchild who seems to think all things domestic are women's work - even women who've had major abdominal surgery.

ShatnersBassoon · 07/05/2013 13:33

The poor bloke has the right to feel sorry for himself and admit it's painful when he's nursing wounded and bruised testicles.

I hate all this 'But I've had something worse, so you're not allowed any sympathy'. Be kind and listen to him grumble.

zippey · 07/05/2013 13:35

It doesnt cost anything to be nice.

SoupDragon · 07/05/2013 13:37

The OP isn't being mean or nasty, she simply isn't gushing over him with sympathy telling him what a brave little soldier he's being.

ChunkyPickle · 07/05/2013 13:37

Much like a c-section, you need to be really careful for a bit after a vasectomy or things can go rather badly....

Just because he was an arse after your c-sections (really, did you have to hoover? Couldn't you just have let it ride for a couple of weeks? - I did - not that I'd have hesitated to remind DP where it was if things got to bad) and didn't help doesn't mean you have to be an arse back.

wigglesrock · 07/05/2013 13:37

I don't get competitive pain either, it's a bit like tiredness competitions - makes everyone feel like shite. My husband had an emergency appendectomy last year - he was in so much feckin' pain - didn't occur to me to play one upmanship.

christmasmum · 07/05/2013 13:37

I gave my DH 48 hours of sympathy and then thought he'd benefit from a more 'brisk' approach! Mind you, 12 months later and I still get the odd update on how his balls are doing Hmm

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