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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU that my sister posting status updates of

32 replies

doingmyhead · 03/05/2013 06:42

My mother passing away on Facebook, is just unbelievable?

Ending in the finale of she has "gone"?

She is 57, so not an immature teen.

Does professing her love and sorrow all over Facebook, mean that she loved our mum more. Will people think that?

But then I am probably sensitive at the moment.

OP posts:
ZillionChocolate · 03/05/2013 06:47

Some people will see nothing wrong with it, others will raise an eyebrow. I'm not a fan of it.

Be generous and let it go. People deal with grief in different ways.

I'm sorry for your loss.

MrsHoarder · 03/05/2013 06:48

Its a bit much, but maybe this is how she gets support from her friends.

No-one will think that means she loved your mum more, at worst they will think that you are a more private person which is fine.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

HollyBerryBush · 03/05/2013 06:48

Some people do live their lives through social media.

Thats her way of dealing with grief, although it isn't yours.

Sorry for your loss. You must be feeling very raw.

ceres · 03/05/2013 06:48

no, people will not think that your sister loved your mum more.

people have very different ways of dealing with things.

so sorry for your loss.

SacreBlue · 03/05/2013 06:49

No they won't think that. I think that people will recognise different ways of grieving can all have similar depth and how we grieve is very personal.

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

uniqueatlast · 03/05/2013 06:50

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I posted on Facebook when my Mum died and other friends have done too. Mum had MND and Friends wanted to know and I couldn't face telling everyone individually. I didn't post until the evening when every family member and close friends had been told properly.

If it's her way of garnering support from her friends then so be it. No-one will be comparing your love, just feeling sad for you and thinking of you and your family.

Take care of yourself. :hug:

Original poster
doingmyhead · 03/05/2013 06:55

I suppose I just hated people calling and texting me during the final minutes, as we have mutual friends and family, it was quick, so nit everyone knew, it was happening. I know they meant well, but I needed to tell them in my own time.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts xx

OP posts:
MusicalEndorphins · 03/05/2013 07:29

I am so sorry for your loss. :(

Your sister must get some comfort reaching out and (maybe),getting a lot of replies to her posts I suppose? I wouldn't do it, but everyone has their own way to cope I guess.

Nobody will think your sister loved your mother more... if they were to think anything about her posting versus you not posting a lot of updates on facebook, I think they would think you maintained a dignified silence.

maddy68 · 03/05/2013 07:30

I think it's a bit crass but perhaps she can't deal with talking to people so by putting it on fb she us telling everyone at the same time rather than dealing with individual texts etc.
just because its her way if dealing with it doesn't make it wrong. Just different to yours.
Really sorry to hear your sad news xxx

NotTreadingGrapes · 03/05/2013 07:33

Sorry for your loss. Flowers

YANBU. x

LegoAcupuncture · 03/05/2013 07:36

So sorry for your loss Flowers

Your sister is dealing with her loss in a different way. Personally I don't like the use of FB for this, but each to their own. I can understand why you're upset by this.

Mumof3men · 03/05/2013 07:37

I'm sorry for your loss.

your sister is dealing with her grief her way, some people need to talk out their feelings whether in real life or through fb, that's how they cope. People grieve differently.

Pusspuss1 · 03/05/2013 07:40

I hate Facebook posting about really serious stuff like this - I think it's completely inappropriate, but you do see it a lot. Very sorry for your loss. YANBU.

Featherbag · 03/05/2013 07:43

SIL did this when MIL died, I felt wretched for DH having to face enquiries from well meaning friends when he hadn't been ready to tell anyone yet. Some people lose all reason when grieving, your DSIS will quite likely not have thought about the effect her posts would have on you. So sorry for your loss x

Sirzy · 03/05/2013 07:43

So sorry for your loss.

I have no problem with things like that being posted on Facebook as long as people who need telling have been told first. It saves on a lot of phone calls when it's the last thing you feel like doing.

By posting things like funeral details then you don't need to constantly be telling people the details.

Katienana · 03/05/2013 07:50

I don't like stuff like that going on fbook it doesn't look right next to all the silly videos and photos.

ENormaSnob · 03/05/2013 08:04

I think it's completely inappropriate tbh.

TequilaMockinBird · 03/05/2013 08:10

YANBU

So sorry for your loss Sad

Altinkum · 03/05/2013 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justforlaughs · 03/05/2013 08:12

I don't like seeing people posting about really sensitive and distressing times on fb but everyone has their own way of dealing with times of stress and grief. If it will upset you to see it everytime you go on fb I'd suggest you block her temporarily and explain to her why you are doing so. No need to be judgmental, just explain that you find it upsetting. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum.

pictish · 03/05/2013 08:15

I don't think it's inappropriate either. I wouldn't do it, as I am much less of an attention seeker....but I know plenty that would and do, and they are good people expressing their feelings through their own medium.

OP I am very sorry for your loss. Feelings must be running very high atm. xxx

hackmum · 03/05/2013 08:15

I agree with you, OP. It's completely inappropriate and doesn't take into account the feelings of other people close to your mum, such as you, who may want to keep something like that very private. It also seems horribly attention-seeking.

Triumphoveradversity · 03/05/2013 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DoctorRobert · 03/05/2013 09:35

I'm so sorry for your loss. Flowers

I can understand why this has upset you and it's not something I would do either. People deal with grief in different ways though and I guess this is her way atm.

Nobody will think that she loved your mum more x

chocoholic05 · 03/05/2013 09:44

I posted something about my dh nan being very ill on Facebook. She later died. Mil is not on Facebook but fil is as is her sister bil and her daughter and her older 2 grandchildren. Mil was really upset and told my dh. He asked me about it and I was so upset for the upset id caused I have never posted anything about that side of the family since.

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