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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset that he hasn't been invited

31 replies

Sharkie45 · 25/04/2013 19:22

A friend from DS's class is having a birthday party, I know about it as most of the other parents have mentioned it, DS hasn't received an invite though
He is a friend of the little boy and child's mum has seen them greeting each other in the morning so is aware of him
I know not all the children are attending as there are several new children but DS started with this child so they have been friends for a while
AIBU to feel a bit upset?

OP posts:

SwishSwoshSwoosh · 25/04/2013 19:23

No, you're not being unreasonable but it is the way it goes and there is little that can be done about it so I would try not to over think it.

contortionist · 25/04/2013 19:24

Ate you sure he isn't invited? Perhaps the invitation got lost in the book bag. Probably worth asking the mum.

CloudsAndTrees · 25/04/2013 19:26

Yanbu to feel upset. Even the smallest of trivial things can cut like a knife when it comes to our children's disappointments.

It's very likely to be nothing at all against your ds, they are probably doing something where there is a limit on numbers.

thebody · 25/04/2013 19:27

Oh don't ask the mum. If he's not invited u will look a prat and embarrass both of you.

It's the way it goes, you too won't invite the whole class to parties.

Don't let it upset you.

rainbow2000 · 25/04/2013 19:27

I wouldnt ask the mum that puts her on the spot.Have a good look through his bag and if its not there just put it down to experience.

Bowlersarm · 25/04/2013 19:29

Check that he definitely hasn't been invited, but if he hasn't you just have to accept that it happens now and again. YANBU to be a bit upset but sometimes invitations just aren't given out to everyone, and sometimes it is a bit sad and unexpected. It happens to us all at one time or another. Don't make a big deal about it with your DS obviously.

ChoudeBruxelles · 25/04/2013 19:29

Maybe there is a limit on numbers. Don't ask about it.

Sometimes kids don't get invited to things

Original poster

Sharkie45 · 25/04/2013 19:31

Definitely not in his book bag and I've checked the book bag box in the classroom
I thought about asking the mum but I've not really spoken to her before bar the usual smile and hello
I'm trying not to overthink it but I feel sad that DS might hear about the party and ask why he didn't get to go

OP posts:

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 25/04/2013 19:31

Erm if you're in the NE and the party's tomorrow it may well be me :) I sent in all invitations but I know of at least one that didn't get to its recipient. And there's a little boy who is a friend of DS's who hasn't replied...

Mumsyblouse · 25/04/2013 19:33

If your child is in a class of 30, then they will not get invited to 30 parties a year, so there will be times that he hears about parties and doesn't get invited. This is normal and you need to lead the way by reassuring him that often numbers are limited and not everyone gets invited to every party, just as he won't invite everyone to his party.

Sorry, but you need to toughen up on this one and fast!

harrietlichman · 25/04/2013 19:34

Agree with others, don't ask, sometimes that's just the way it is. It probably bothers you more than it does your DS, forget about it.

redskyatnight · 25/04/2013 19:34

There will be a limit on numbers, boy's mum has asked him to name "x" friends and your DS wasn't on the list. Assuming these are young children (Reception/Y1?) this is no reflection on DS or their friendship. I used to do this for parties with my DC and the friends' list they produced from one day to the next could be completely different. If boy had been asked a different day DS might have been picked. Bottom line is he probably has several similar level friends, had to pick some and leave some out so whichever way you cut it someone is disappointed.

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 25/04/2013 19:35

Obv the little boy has since been invited but there may have been more that I know nothing about

greenformica · 25/04/2013 19:38

Not everyone can attend a party. I ask my kids to choose 10 or so due to number limits. No big deal.

fluffyraggies · 25/04/2013 19:44

If your son mentions the party and asks why he isn't going just say in a matter of fact way 'oh there's never room for everyone at a party. There'll be others coming up though' then distract him with something nice :)

CocacolaMum · 25/04/2013 19:47

What Fluffy said.. Its never nice though.

Original poster

Sharkie45 · 25/04/2013 19:50

Stealth no we are in Wales
They are in reception class, sounds like there will be many more instances of this and I do need to toughen up I suppose
Will have to make sure we do lots of fun things so he doesn't feel like he's missed out if anyone mentions it

OP posts:

BackforGood · 25/04/2013 20:02

Yes, YABU. You don't get invited to everyone's party. As Fluffy says - IF, and it's a big if he mentions it, just say well everyone can't go to every party, there wouldn't be space, and distract with something else. It's really not a big deal.

endoftether12 · 25/04/2013 20:06

I once had a situation when my son was 5 where a girl and boy in the class had a joint party and my son didn't get an invite. He didn't get on well with the boy so obv didn't expect an invite.
However, I was talking to the girls mum recently and she happened to mention that party and said 'oh,it was hard work with all the class invited'.
So either she had forgotten my son hadn't been invited or the other mum had been in charge of the invites and not mentioned it to her. Cruel to invite the whole class though and leave just one out. I didn't say anything though because it was up to them who to invite.
Anyway, my point is don't say anything, rise above it and don't hold a grudge. Plus do something fun with your son instead that day!

gybegirl · 25/04/2013 20:13

I think you'll find you'll be a lot more bothered than he will - speaking from experience. In fact I think you don't have to do something special at the same time as this would just emphasise his non attendance. Just say X is probably only allowed to ask a few people and maybe he'll go next year.

The mother is probably embarrassed about it. I was this year when due to numbers I had to do a similar thing. However, I've been on the other end too!

thebody · 25/04/2013 20:22

Oh in reception age it's usually about the mums. So host mum will invite children of her friends.

This soon changes when kids realise that just because the mums are mates doesn't always follow that the children like each other.

thebody · 25/04/2013 20:24

Oops meant to add I expect your ds won't give a flying fuck unless you make it an issue. I work in reception class and at this age 'friends' are very transitory.

You need to chill chik.

Dillydollydaydream · 25/04/2013 20:29

When my dcs were reception age it was often the children whose parents got on well with the birthday child's parents that got the party invites.

Jinty64 · 25/04/2013 20:42

We had similar. A little boy at school with ds3 had a party and ds was not invited. The boy and ds are the only two in the class to go to their beavers. I have known his Mum for 12 years as her older ds is the same age as ds2 and the boy was at ds's party. A couple of mothers phoned me to ask if we could share lifts and I had to say that ds wasn't invited. The other mothers were amazed as their boys were not particularly friendly with birthday boy.

I do wonder if ds was given or should have been given an invite and wasn't. In which case the mother will think me very rude not to have replied. Ds wasn't he least bit bothered.

rainbowslollipops · 26/04/2013 05:58

Ds will come across this a lot as he goes through school. Don't act on it like the group of immature bitchy 2 faced mothers at Dds school who have nothing better to do but sit around their cauldron plotting their next victim to pick up then drop. ah. that's better. .

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