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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this doesn't class as cooking dinner for DCs?

33 replies

unlucky83 · 22/04/2013 17:48

I'm a SAHM and DP works early in morning...
DP doesn't do anything else -I get up with DCs, get them to bed, school run, cleaning, washing, gardening, DIY -he doesn't even look after the cars or the bills....
We agreed that it would be fair if 2-3 times a week he could make dinner for DCs (and himself - he often makes things for himself that he likes and we don't)...if there is enough for me fine -otherwise I'll find something ...
I do batch cooking of bolognaise and chilli - big pans and freeze in portions. So it is just a matter of cooking a pan of rice or pasta and microwaving the 'sauce'... great if I don't feel like cooking, late back etc...
He has just said it isn't his turn to cook for them as he made dinner last night ...they had my batch chilli - so he did cook the rice...
(he has done that before -but we haven't had the it isn't my turn because... conversation before)
So am I being unreasonable to think that he shouldn't count that as him cooking their dinner - seeing as I did the hardest part?

OP posts:
noisytoys · 22/04/2013 17:58

YABU. He made their dinner with what he had. It isn't a competition on who spends longest making dinner

PiratePanda · 22/04/2013 18:00

YABU. He made their dinner.

Pontouf · 22/04/2013 18:01

YANBU. This would piss me off too. In fact it'd piss me off that he gets his dinner cooked for him 4 nights a week ad you have to cook your own every night. It just seems a bit petty and mean. How much harder is it to cook for 4 than 3?

SantanaLopez · 22/04/2013 18:01

YABU

wannabedomesticgoddess · 22/04/2013 18:02

He sounds like a real catch.

Fairylea · 22/04/2013 18:06

I don't think the issue is the cooking, more that he is generally a lazy arse.

I'd stop doing batch cooking for a week (or hide the portions you've made at the bottom of something else so he can't find them) so he has to make more effort on his days.

But I also think you need to have a chat about splitting things more equally in general.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 22/04/2013 18:09

I cant understand why he cooks for himself and the dc but not you? Why did you both agree to that?

YoniMcShoni · 22/04/2013 18:10

What happens on the days there are no batch cooked portions in the freezer?

Does he do 'proper' cooking then?

If he does perhaps you could suggest he also prepares a batch of something you can warm through when its your turn to make dinner.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 22/04/2013 18:11

wannabedomesticgoddess Mon 22-Apr-13 18:02:55
He sounds like a real catch.

This. Are you his wife or the maid?

Lucyellensmum95 · 22/04/2013 18:11

It sounds like you have a really odd relationship OP, im not sure i get it.

phantomnamechanger · 22/04/2013 18:13

eh, so on the days he (grudgingly) cooks for the DC, he'll cook for himself but nothing for you? despite the fact that you do 90% of all household chores for the family

why?

phantomnamechanger · 22/04/2013 18:14

and YANBU - unless you told him he could use YOUR chilli on one of HIS days, then it's yours to fall back on when you dont feel like cooking, IMO - but then again, I find this whole situation very ODD

bedmonster · 22/04/2013 18:27

I don't know if YABU but I do think he is a lazy arse. The food is there, it's for the DC regardless of who cooked it, and i'm sure you're glad that they've had a decent meal?
However, I don't get the bit about him never cooking for you and because he likes different things to you, Does he eat food that you cook? Does he ever cook for you?
He does sound like a lazy git imo!

yaimee · 22/04/2013 18:31

As everyone else has said, it isn't him using your chilli that you should take issue with, its that he's bone idle.
I wouldn't have an issue if my dp did this, but then he does plenty of other things too.

KansasCityOctopus · 22/04/2013 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McNewPants2013 · 22/04/2013 18:37

Yanbu, he should cook them something not use the batch cooking that you have done.

Sugarice · 22/04/2013 18:40

I'm another one more interested in why you aren't catered for on the nights he cooks.

mynewpassion · 22/04/2013 19:07

Food that you yourself would have served to the children were provided for them by him. He made dinner.

Are you going to start labeling food items as yours and his now as flatmates rather than as a family?

Original poster
unlucky83 · 22/04/2013 19:07

Sorry got distracted - it is a bit of an odd set up ...
He used to work shifts so often wasn't around for dinner anyway ...and one DC is going through a stage and will only eats limited things ...
(this is where I admit when he first started working these shifts - so always home for dinner - I once forgot to get him fish and chips from the chip shop - been out, lets have a chippy tea - then as I drove home with them I remembered that he would be there ...Blush - I did offer to go back and get him some or we could all share...)

He does do proper cooking - he will cook things like roast chicken and then there will be some for me ...but then sometimes he cooks for himself - what he wants to eat - something the Dcs and I don't like ...so if its his turn and the DCs don't like it he will give them something like pasta pesto...

Actually if he makes something he will make loads and then make something new the next night ...so I often eat left overs otherwise it ends up in the bin...(thinking there is some 3 day old beef stew in fridge at moment - DCs don't like it...I'll eat it tomorrow - unless he decides he wants it...)

And the DCs have school lunch so occasionally I will give them something like a baked potato with beans and cheese - I'll happily eat that but DP thinks you should always have a proper meal with meat etc On those nights he makes his own food ....

He won't eat some of things that DCs do ...like sausages - so I'll make enough mash and veg and he'll do what he likes to eat with it...and some things I cook he doesn't really like ... (And I don't use salt cooking for DCs and so he will make a big point of adding salt...)

Batch cooking - I make enough for a couple of months - 6-8 nights worth of each...so can't really hide it ...but maybe next time we are about to run out I'll leave it a week or so ...
I have meat in the freezer - like pork chops/ chicken breasts - but he likes buying stuff he feels eating like on the day ...
Thinking actually we should do a menu plan (but he'd hate that...) - we are a bit haphazard about the whole thing...
Just still don't think giving them my batch cooking counts as doing dinner...

OP posts:
Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 22/04/2013 19:11

How can it be anyone's turn to feed the dc's. they need adults feeding them not children drawing straws. What is his problem with just being a dad??? Does it really matter to him that he cooked or not? Y won't be just take some initiative?

HorryIsUpduffed · 22/04/2013 19:11

Well it counts inasmuch as he provided hot food that they ate, and you didn't do anything today, but I'd be a bit annoyed, yes.

But then my DH does more than zero round the house. Yours I'm afraid sounds more like a lodger than a family member.

Squitten · 22/04/2013 19:13

Your meals sound so complicated!! It would drive me mad

YABU to be annoyed that he gave them the food that I assume you would have given them if you had been doing it. They all got fed - job done. If you expected him to make something from scratch then a) you should have said so and b) that WBU

Sounds like you do need better meal planning and he is a lazy sod

Toadinthehole · 22/04/2013 19:21

OP, it isn't clear whether this is about DH cooking dinner or how much DH does generally. In any event:

a) he cooks dinner, so YABU on that score
b) he works and you don't, so not clearly YANBU until we know more about his work hours.

Sugarice · 22/04/2013 19:51

My Goodness, it's so busy and eye aching to read and process. Grin

I'm not sure who is being unreasonable now, sorry.

Original poster
unlucky83 · 22/04/2013 20:12

Sorry - I know it is all bit a odd...guess we are still getting used to change in circumstances ...
Just P**d me off when he counted that as his 'turn' ....
Actually part of the problem is what one DC will eat ...when the choice is limited it makes it tough when someone 'steals' one of your options...
(maybe I am being unreasonable...)

OP posts:
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