Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to assume they're not coming?

29 replies

Mouseyinmyhousey · 22/04/2013 14:30

Is it unreasonable to expect that a few days before a childrens party, where 30+ invites were sent, that more than 10 people would have replied?

Would it be u to assume the ones who haven't replied aren't coming? No idea how many to cater for.

OP posts:
StealthOfficialCrispTester · 22/04/2013 14:32

Similar situation here (party next sat) but as a serial "late replier" myself I am not complaining

50shadesofbrown · 22/04/2013 14:34

Did it definitely say on the invites, to RSVP?
I definitely don't think YABU to ask the parents straight out. Some people have funny ideas on acceptable time frames to respond.

ben5 · 22/04/2013 14:36

I would expect people to respond yes or no upto the day before. Also watch out for those who never reply. Out of 30+invites I would expect 20-25 people

Original poster
Mouseyinmyhousey · 22/04/2013 14:44

Yes I definitely said to rsvp and put my phone number and email address.

I guessed I may have a handful not reply and planned to do a few extra bits just incase. But did not expect 20+ to not even reply.

Trouble is how am I supposed to know how many party bags to make up, I don't mind wasting a couple but would rather not waste 20. Then there's the food.

OP posts:
Tweasels · 22/04/2013 14:44

This happened to us last year. I don't get why people just don't reply, it's very frustrating

I had to go around and ask parents when I didn't get RSVP's. Most actually were coming and just hadn't bothered to tell me. One claimed to have not seen the invite but my DS had seen it stuck to their fridge when he was round there for tea Hmm

In the end there were 4 I hadn't heard from and 2 turned up. So I think you'll have to assume that some of them will turn up.

And no YANBU.

Original poster
Mouseyinmyhousey · 22/04/2013 14:48

I'm going to have to ask, only I'm quite shy and really don't want to come across as pushy.

Also, it's most of the parents I know who have actualy replied. Out of the rest I'm not sure who's who as we get a lot of childminder, mum, dads, grans picking the kids up.

OP posts:
StealthOfficialCrispTester · 22/04/2013 15:04

In fairness I once got a note in ds's bag "can he come to X's party on saturday". This was Thursday. I texted to say that I hadn't had the original invitation, and unfortunately he coukdnt make it. She texted back to say the party had been the previous weekend. I do check dd's bag most days!

rainbow2000 · 22/04/2013 15:09

My sons 18th is coming soon and its really getting on my wick that no one has even bothered to let me know one way or another.Im just gonna post on fb the people who have answered and ive a good mind to disinvite the rest

FairOfFaceButFullOfWoe · 22/04/2013 15:11

I had a similar situation a couple of weeks ago with Ds's party. Had very few replies so sent a polite note just reminding parents to RSVP as we needed numbers. Within a couple of days we'd heard from everyone although not everyone who said they were attending turned up but that's a whole other thread! Hmm

elfycat · 22/04/2013 15:30

You've just reminded me to RSVP (party over a month away). Also to put in a note asking if I can bring DD2 as I don't have childcare available (Mother would know this as she's a manager at the nursery they go to).

Or I could leave DD1 (4) there for an hour Wink but maybe not!

Original poster
Mouseyinmyhousey · 22/04/2013 15:35

Perhaps I'll do notes for tomorrow, there's still a couple of days.

I'm actually thinking that the ones who haven't replied probably won't come. I've been to other parties where there have been 15 out of 30 invited kids. There are certain kids who just never go to parties.

I'm going to feel really bad for ds if hardly any turn up. I grabbed a couple today who have said that they can't make it and he just looks really disappointed every time.

I understand that there will be people who can't come, but 2 thirds of the class? When I was at school everyone always rsvp'd and always turned up. Can people just not be bothered with parties these days?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mouseyinmyhousey · 22/04/2013 15:36

elfy we were always left at parties as kids in the 80s and 90s, doesn't seem to be the done things now.

OP posts:
ryanboy · 22/04/2013 15:36

Chase replies up! ImE people nearly all come but don't reply til the last minute!

JuliaScurr · 22/04/2013 15:42

ooh,that is bloody annoying
I could go on (and on) about dd's birthday seaside trip; cars/lifts etc and people buggering about.
But I won't.
people are thoughtless
and a bit thick, sometimes

K8Middleton · 22/04/2013 15:52

Gosh yes it's so rude. I left invites with nursery to hand out and half never replied despite asking for RSVP. I thought maybe they'd got lost between nursery and home and nannies and au pairs.

No. Some people are just rude. I was like this Shock when one of the dads I know to say hi to caught me just after a party
Dad "oh didn't ds have a birthday last weekend?"
Me "Yes, we had a party."
D "I think you invited quite a few from nursery didn't you?"
M "Err, a few children [7]. I left invites with the [nursery] girls. I wasn't sure they all got handed out."
D "oh yes, we were going to get back to you but [can almost hear 'But we were waiting to see if we got a better offer'] X was ill that day any way so she couldn't have come"
M Shock

It was the sheer nerve that got me. Fine to spend on an entertainer, food and a party bag for a child who may/may not be coming but you couldn't even be bothered to send a text??!!

Don't get me started on my "friend" who said she was coming weeks in advance and kept talking about how excited she was who then couldn't manage a 20 min bus ride to get there.

Fuckers Angry

Original poster
Mouseyinmyhousey · 22/04/2013 16:32

I've heard some pretty strange excuses for not coming too.

I'm starting to get a complex.

OP posts:
Portofino · 22/04/2013 17:45

At dd's recent party she told me a couple of girls couldn't come because their parents didn't drive. I offered to collect them and told her to get the parents to get in touch. One contacted me that morning, and the other 10 mis before the party started asking where I was . Hmm. I think I had 3 official responses and all 15 turned up. Plus one extra, a cousin of one of the invitees. I just go with the flow really.

Original poster
Mouseyinmyhousey · 22/04/2013 18:29

I'm doing notes.

I'm a go with the flow kind of person usually and if it was just 3 or 4 kids I'd just make the extra party bags incase they do turn up on the day. But when you're talking 20ish people...

Well if they all don't come, or if they do but don't let me know, I think next time I'll just do something very small with 2-3 close friends.

OP posts:
NynaevesSister · 22/04/2013 18:32

After having some birthday parties since he was 2 I now have it down to a formula.

DS has two best friends he would be devastated they couldn't come. So first I check with their parents make arrangements that suit. After that he has best friends but he won't be upset if they don't turn up.

As long as those core friends are there he is happy.

Next I plan on a third not turning up. This can backfire! Last year I invited 12 and all except one turned up! This year though it worked out with a third not being there.

Those that have to bring siblings - great if they ask. I let them know that they will have to pay the cover if it is at a venue. If not I say yes but sorry no party bag. Not so great if they just turn up! I point out there won't be a party bag and if they start to push forward or take things over I gently distract child or if very young take them back to the parent.

MummytoKatie · 22/04/2013 18:33

I feel your pain. Four days before dd's party we had between 5 and 16 coming.

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 22/04/2013 18:34

Is that one third of the non responders or one third in total?

Original poster
Mouseyinmyhousey · 22/04/2013 18:37

Sorry, 20 out of 30 have not replied. And out of the 10 who have not all are coming.

OP posts:
Dinosaurdrip · 22/04/2013 18:44

We had a similar situation with DS's party earlier this year. He invited 20 children, 10 replied and said yes they could come about 2/3 days after invites sent. Further 5 then replied yes about 1/2 days before the party. 2 who had said yes then didn't arrive and then there were 2 who didn't RSVP who just turned up so it was all ok in the end but I can't understand why people don't reply at all and then turn up.

StealthOfficialCrispTester · 22/04/2013 18:48

Sorry, that was to nyn

PuffPants · 22/04/2013 18:56

I dread all this. Surely you can't be on nodding terms with all 30 sets of parents so you are chasing up complete strangers presumably? Is there a class list with parents emails addresses? Could you send out a group email to chase rsvps?