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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want a weekend away and leave dh with dcs?

36 replies

ariane5 · 17/04/2013 10:37

I have 4 dcs (11,6,3 and 1).

All have a disability (EDS) and other serious unrelated health problems.
Dh and I also have EDS. DH severely affected (dislocates knees daily and was in hosp at weekend with dis shoulder).

I am exhausted trying to deal with everything and my brother suggested I go with ds2 to his house for a weekend for a bit of a rest. I would leave other 3 dcs with dh and take ds2 as he's still bf and to be honest I really want to spend some time with him, take him out for a walk, play with him as usually he doesn't get much attention due to other dcs needs being so great.

BUT both my mum and mil have said its unfair for me to leave dh for the weekend with the other dcs and that I chose to have 4 dcs so shouldn't just "swan off" with the "easiest" of them all for a break.

Dh said he will manage but now I feel guilty, I just thought a weekend of not having to cook/clean/worry about all dcs would be bliss.
Dh is going for a holiday in aug with his brother and friends for a week so I will have all dcs on MY own (but that's ok apparently according to mil etc).

AIBU to want a break too?

OP posts:
Binkyridesagain · 17/04/2013 10:39

YANBU, go for it, relax and enjoy.

mumblechum1 · 17/04/2013 10:40

YASooooooNBU!

You should ignore your silly mum and MIL and bite your brother's hand off.

I can't believe your Mum and MIL can be so thoughtless. They should be offering to look after your children so you and your dh can have a lovely long weekend by yourselves.

Pandemoniaa · 17/04/2013 11:05

Don't give your mother and MIL another thought. You have more than enough on your plate (and I believe from your past postings that you are incredibly helpful to your mother too) and a weekend away is the least you deserve. Enjoy it.

Original poster
ariane5 · 17/04/2013 11:12

I really really want to go. The thought of some peace and quiet and spending time just with ds2 is very appealing.

DB and SIL are really nice and have said they will do nice meals and we can all go out to a lovely park nearby, have coffee etc.

I love my dcs but the older 3 are incredibly hard work and just a couple of days away would be lovely!

Dh does have a lot of trouble with dislocations and it worries me slightly will he cope. He can put joints back in (does knees himself daily) but his shoulder has been troublesome lately (he tried to put it back in at weekend, failed and had to go to a+e) so I'd be worried it may be too much for him but I would only be an hours drive away if he needed me back.

OP posts:
kotinka · 17/04/2013 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Binkyridesagain · 17/04/2013 11:16

Your DH has said that he can cope, he will.

In order for you to take care of others you have to take care of yourself.

StanleyLambchop · 17/04/2013 11:17

I think you should go. I remember your previous threads and you have so much on your plate I think it would fair make my head spin! Your DH has said he is ok with it and he can cope. What exactly has it got to do with your Mother & MIL? Go and relax and don't feel guilty.

Original poster
ariane5 · 17/04/2013 11:25

I suppose dh brother or MIL might be willing to help him, although he is usually to proud to ask for help.
I could speak to mil but I expect she will reiterate that this is why I shouldn't go!
No thought has been given by mil as to how I will cope withall 4 dcs alone in august when dh goes away (but to be fair he really does need a break as he does the 'night shift' with dd2 and never gets a proper rest so I don't mind!).

OP posts:
LazyMonkeyButler · 17/04/2013 11:29

YANBU for wanting a break, of course you're not. My only concern would be whether your DH can actually manage on his own as you say he has regular dislocations - is there any reason why your MIL or DM can't be on hand if he has problems?

LazyMonkeyButler · 17/04/2013 11:31

x-posted. Ask MIL to help. You're hardly going to holiday - just to visit your DB and taking one of the DC with you! It's not like a fortnight in the Seychelles.

middleagedspread · 17/04/2013 11:32

I was going to suggest that MIL & DM can come in your absence & help DH. They must see you need a break?

HumphreyCobbler · 17/04/2013 11:33

I can't believe your MIL and DM. Why are they so against your having a break? If they are so worried about your DH then they can pop in and help him, surely? Then everyone gets what they need.

You need to recharge your batteries in order to cope.

Original poster
ariane5 · 17/04/2013 11:40

Mil is just worried about dh needing more rest than he gets etc.

My mum seems to just be against me doing anything nice for myself (she never got a break when she had dcs etc etc so why should I mentality).

I think mil would go and help if I do go its just she also makes me feel guilty.

OP posts:
kotinka · 17/04/2013 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ColouringInQueen · 17/04/2013 11:45

I really think you should go Ariane. Like other posters have said, its really important to take care of yourself so that you are able to continue to care for the rest of your family. The whole "put your own oxygen mask on first" in planes is there for a reason. One weekend is not long and yes MIL should def help. I'm sure nobody wants you to get ill or seriously run out of steam and this will help guard against this and as you say give you some good time with your littlest which in itself is hugely valuable. Enjoy.

NeedlesCuties · 17/04/2013 11:50

Your DB was really sweet to offer, I think you should go.

milkymocha · 17/04/2013 11:54

I really think you should go!
Your DH has said he'll cope, you DESERVE the break!

badguider · 17/04/2013 11:56

Is your DH significantly more disabled than you? (It's not entirely clear if you have EDS also?)
Normally I would say you MUST GO if your DH is having a week away himself... but if you're completely able-bodied and your DH is struggling with his physical condition then I don't know... is there any chance you could take the 3yo as well? The other two are old enough that they shouldn't ever need lifted/carried while you're away.

Original poster
ariane5 · 17/04/2013 11:58

I will go then and ignore any negative comments from DM/MIL.

I know dh will struggle a bit but he has said he will be ok and likewise when he goes away I will struggle but as we both need a break (and nobody else can look after dcs) we have no other option than to go seperately.

OP posts:
Original poster
ariane5 · 17/04/2013 12:03

Yes I have eds too but suffer more with pain and fatigue whereas dh has multiple dislocations so he is much worse than me.

Older 2 dcs have mobility issues but dh drives (I don't) so he can get them about as all dcs have blue badges so that's not a problem.

Dd2 (3) is really the hardest of all as has severe mobility probs and t1 diabetes that is currently very hard to manage, and really that is what I need the break from and the reason why ds2 is a little bit 'neglected' (often in playpen/buggy most days whilst I deal with hypos etc etc.

OP posts:
TerrysNo2 · 17/04/2013 12:29

Only 2 opinions count here, yours and your DH, and if he is supportive then go for it! Ignore the rest.

Enjoy your time with DS2, spoil him rotten and enjoy each others company :)

quoteunquote · 17/04/2013 12:37

Stop feeling guilty your entire family will benefit from having you well rested and de stressed, it sounds like a great plan, go and enjoy yourself.

I hope you and your DH get a break together sometime, but grab this chance while you can.

GirlWiththeLionHeart · 17/04/2013 12:46

Why is it always ok for men to go away but not women? Confused

GO and enjoy, you deserve it!

Original poster
ariane5 · 17/04/2013 12:55

I would dearly love a break one day with dh but I doubt it'll happen for ages as nobody would look after all dcs.

I've been trying to get close family a bit more involved in dd2s care but there is a lot of reluctance/fear over injections/finger prick tests so for now only dh and myself do it.

SIL is a nurse though so maybe at some point she might be in a position to help us but for now we can't do anything so are having seperate breaks.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/04/2013 13:24

For god's sake, don't make such a drama out if it and quit being a martyr

Go away for the weekend and tell anyone who raises an eyebrow to Piss right off

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