Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday with my two best friends - AIBU?

51 replies

grapelovingweirdo · 12/04/2013 17:37

DP doesn't want me to go, got angry when he found out earlier.

I don't understand what his problem is and wish he would just trust me.

He is absolutely amazing most of the time too, he seems to think that there is an issue because my friends are single. They are lovely though and not caners, he has met them both and gets on well with them, both female.

Am I unreasonable to wonder if I'm in the right relationship? This is the man who lied about being divorced from the mother of his kids for a year and a half (found out on Facebook!)

He often accuses me of making myself up to be more attractive to men (I do it to look and feel good for myself)

Am I being totally selfish? I'm 28, he is 40 if that makes a difference.

OP posts:
ThingummyBob · 12/04/2013 17:39

I think I've read a thread of yours before.

Imho it sounds like he is a controlling arse from what you have said Sad

Calabria · 12/04/2013 17:42

I had this with my (older) ex. It pushed me away from him in the end.

awkwardsis · 12/04/2013 17:42

Oh goodness, get rid. He sounds a total arse. Ime, and this will be shot down no doubt, the women our age I know with partners your dps age are with very controlling, inadequate men who have sought out someone younger than them to control. I know of at least 3 :(

ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 12/04/2013 17:45

Liars often find it difficult to trust. They apply their own standards to others. People cheat if they WANT to. If you wanted to cheat, you could - anytime. The holiday is in itself irrelevant. His issues, his to address.
Have a great time.Grin

ENormaSnob · 12/04/2013 17:45

Get rid.

somuchforanindiansummer · 12/04/2013 17:46

Get rid

Ragwort · 12/04/2013 17:48

Get rid.

He sounds jealous and controlling and he's a liar (what are his good points?) Hmm

CocacolaMum · 12/04/2013 17:49

The age doesn't really make a difference, the problem is that he cannot be trusted and is tarring you with his brush! Get rid of him now before he screws you over again

maddening · 12/04/2013 17:51

Get rid before you waste half your life on a tosser

lurkedtoolong · 12/04/2013 17:52

Dump him now. He's a controlling liar who wants to stop you spending time with friends.

kinkyfuckery · 12/04/2013 17:53

He sounds incredibly low in self-confidence and like he tries to control you out of fear of you finding someone better.
Can you live with that forever?

desperateforaholiday · 12/04/2013 17:53

I would end it now. Things won't get better. My favourite age was when I was 28 and single Smile

MammaTJ · 12/04/2013 17:54

Insecure, jealous and possessive. Trying to make that your problems rather than his.

That red flag is so big it can be seen from space.

Original poster
grapelovingweirdo · 12/04/2013 17:55

Thanks for your replies, the difficult thing is that he has so many good points! He makes me laugh until my stomach hurts, is really sweet, we get on so well most of the time that we practically have our own language.

I just hate it when he gets like this. If I sound immature it's because I probably am with regards to things like this. Have only ever had one other relationship, it was for seven years.

So, I'm not being selfish to want to get away with my friends for a week? I've saved up enough so that I can go away with him too Smile

OP posts:
seriouscakeeater · 12/04/2013 17:56

The fact he is saying you get dressed up for other men is a HUGE red flag, one of my exs was like that. Its steadily got worse I ended not even going on holiday with my family because of him.

My DH would never dream of saying anything like that...infact he is going to Vegas for a stag and im going Portugal for the hen next year and its no problem.

Honestly take the advice of the rest of the posters, I wasted 4 years being with that knob face.

desperateforaholiday · 12/04/2013 17:56

No your not being selfish, he is

Tee2072 · 12/04/2013 17:57

He lied about being divorced? Hmm

Get rid.

DeepRedBetty · 12/04/2013 17:59

Some of the knobbiest men (and women) in the world can be absolutely lovely when they want to be. Otherwise intelligent sensible people wouldn't fall for them in the first place!

Original poster
grapelovingweirdo · 12/04/2013 18:02

He did Tee, we got together and he told me he was divorced from his ex (I get on well with her but don't see much of her). I found out a year and a half later.

Ill be the first to admit that I'm not perfect myself, I don't get jealous but I am quite untidy, forget things and generally make the place look untidy.

The thing is, I love him so much. It would kill me to leave him. I really really do love him, I just hate the jealousy, he's also very jealous of my best male friend.

OP posts:
Fairydogmother · 12/04/2013 18:05

I was in a brief relationship with an older man and he was THE most jealous person ever.

Don't like the sound of your partner at all - especially the lying part

foosty · 12/04/2013 18:09

you make the place look untidy?

Did he tell you that?

Original poster
grapelovingweirdo · 12/04/2013 18:13

No foosty but I can turn an immaculate room into a cluttered space within ten minutes of occupying it. Not deliberate at all an I do try to get better at it. I have aspergers but am very high functioning.

OP posts:
VelvetSpoon · 12/04/2013 18:16

I don't like the sound of your DP at all.

One of my friends always ends up with blokes like this - they hate her going anywhere with me (even when I wasn't single) because I am a bad influence and I attract too much male attention Hmm. TBH that's bullshit and it was far more about them wanting to control her and shitting themselves she might go off with someone else.

Original poster
grapelovingweirdo · 12/04/2013 18:49

Really don't know what to do

OP posts:
ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm · 12/04/2013 18:51

Jealousy is a very unattractive trait. Really don't like the sound of this one, TBH, OP.