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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there should be a maximum visit length for your MIL

66 replies

Frescolita · 10/04/2013 12:32

Sooo...mine is here for 3 weeks, and I find 2 weeks completely sufficient to last the other 50 in the year. Am I out of line to think that there should be either a social etiquette max limit on visit length, or even better, a law?!

OP posts:
BegoniaBampot · 10/04/2013 12:34

really? we had ours visit for over 5 weeks and it was lovely.

WestieMamma · 10/04/2013 12:34

Mine can stay whenever she likes for as long as she likes. She's fab.

kinkyfuckery · 10/04/2013 12:35

I think a 2 week visit would be too long for me, from anyone!

MIL bashing threads are always more fun than just general people bashing ones though!

Sharksandfishes · 10/04/2013 12:38

Mine arrives in 8 weeks and really looking forward to it, she's here for a month Grin

In fact, the only thing I'm not looking forward to is not being able to eat anything other than "English" food (apparently even rice is forrin!) Grin

SkinnybitchWannabe · 10/04/2013 12:40

Half an hour is my limit. It's not that I don't like her because I do, it's the boring conversations her and my husband have.
Seriously I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than spend any length of time with her..and don't get me starting on his lump of a father who just sits there, silent and still like a garden gnome.

Original poster
Frescolita · 10/04/2013 12:41

:) i clearly need some tips from those who love their visits. Particularly on how to share the kitchen?

OP posts:
shoesandwine · 10/04/2013 12:43

I envy all the people who can look forward to the visits.

The problem I find is not so much the length of the stay, but what your guests expect. My sis and BIL are quite happy to do their own thing when they come to visit, and aren't "insulted" if we have to work late, aren't up at 6am to start preparing the breakfast buffet :) MIL is a different kettle of fish though - she's very old-school about how "one acts when one has guests" and after a week, I begin to find the whole "playing host" thing very stressful.

BegoniaBampot · 10/04/2013 12:46

must adnit, my PIL's are the must undemanding, uncritical folk out there. we even enjoy going on holiday with them - shock horror!

RemindMeWhatSleepIs · 10/04/2013 12:48

20 minutes??? Grin

WestieMamma · 10/04/2013 12:48

i clearly need some tips from those who love their visits. Particularly on how to share the ?

How to share the kitchen? Confused

If she wants it, let her have it. My MIL brings rubber gloves, dusters and polish and a suitcase full of cooking ingredients. I just let her get on with it and enjoy the rest.

thebody · 10/04/2013 12:50

Loved my mil, wish she was still here to have the crack with.

BottledWaterandFags · 10/04/2013 12:53

2 weeks? 3 weeks? What the actual hell is going on?

My PIL usually stay Friday to Sunday at max. They don't want to spend any longer away from their home and we don't want them to spend any longer in our home.

I'd go nuts with people in my house for longer than a couple of days.

AdoraBell · 10/04/2013 12:53

Usually I don't get overly involved in MIL threads because talking about mine makes me twitch but since you asked, 10 mins max, by law.

AnyoneforTurps · 10/04/2013 12:57

I'll swap anyone's MIL for my DM Wink

kerala · 10/04/2013 13:00

Bottled sounds like you are blessed with non overseas ILs. Ours moved countries "nothing to keep us England" as MIL so charmingly put it Hmm her two sons and two granddaughters didnt affect this decision...anyway. When you either have to drive 10 hours and get a cross channel ferry or spend just under £1k on flights you have to spend at least a week on the visit.

badguider · 10/04/2013 13:01

My MIL can stay as long as any houseguest but realistically the limit is a week at most.
Do the people who welcome long visits have huge houses? Our house is just big enough for those of us who live here permanently, it get's really crowded with more people (bathroom, kitchen etc).

herethereandeverywhere · 10/04/2013 13:03

Well, I'm not the biggest fan of my MIL but I actually have the opposite issues with her stays. She only sees the DCs every couple of months as they (MIL and FIL) live 100s of miles and a short flight away. She lives close to her DD and sees her 3 GC by her every day. So you'd think when they do come and fork out for flights they'd make an effort?

They arrive after the DC are in bed, have one full day with them, disappear half way through the next day to visit the same DD she sees every day (who is staying near to us at the same time - not to visit us, to see her own friends) and returns after the DC are in bed - again. My eldest actually cried as she couldn't understand why MIL wasn't there to read a story again. And the following day they go home.

They are both retired and very comfortably off. I don't love having them here but the continued snub of my DC is more than irritating.

herethereandeverywhere · 10/04/2013 13:04

Oh, their next planned visit here is October, when their cruise happens to terminate here!

MiaowTheCat · 10/04/2013 13:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WestieMamma · 10/04/2013 13:12

Do the people who welcome long visits have huge houses?

Ours isn't huge but it is bigger than what we had in the UK. Having a separate dining room helps as it can be used as a bedroom when needed and the kitchen is big enough for a small table so we can still sit and eat.

SelfRighteousPrissyPants · 10/04/2013 13:19

I'll be looking for tips as we're going on holiday for a week with my il's then they are renting a cottage 15 miles from here for 2 weeks in the summer and expecting me and DS to stay (DH at work- lucky sod!) with them.

Last year when they did the cottage thing DS was at nursery mornings and we slept at home, that was OK. Our house doesn't even have a spare bedroom so we escape house stays at least!

kerala · 10/04/2013 13:25

Our house is big. It is one of the reasons we can tolerate the longer visits. Particularly trying is that DH does not get on with his mother and tends to work late and disappear into our bedroom when they visit so I get to the lions share of the hosting. Still I get lots of brownie points and usually a good present once they've gone.

Herethere we also get visits timed with cruise pick ups and drop offs. At what age does one begin to find cruises appealing?! The idea of being stuck on a boat with my ILs would for me be an inner circle of hell.

ChocolateCoins · 10/04/2013 13:33

I'm lucky as mine lives 1 min walk from our house, but the last time she visited was Christmas day!

MarianaTrench · 10/04/2013 13:37

I can't stand mine but luckily she has no interest in us and spends most of her time out on the piss like a teenager. We see her less than once a year for a couple of hours. I can handle that.

squeakytoy · 10/04/2013 13:42

I am very lucky as I get on great with my MIL. She is a better mum to me than my own was.

I wouldnt have married my husband if I hadnt got on ok with his family though..