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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Keeping mum on my childcare arrangements

41 replies

MummaBubba123 · 10/04/2013 00:00

My friend and I work. She's a part time supply doctor and I'm a teacher (tutor from home). We have both found having an au pair works better for flexibility of childcare. I've been really unlucky recently- with two only lasting 6 months and one shortly after that having been found by me to be restraining my daughter by the wrists. She didn't last long!
I found a new au pair and was scared that she would talk to my friend's au pair and hear that the others have found easier jobs in central London and become concerned that I asked the nutty one to leave. We live in the sticks.
So, I let my au pair (lovely girl) settle in with us for a few weeks and told my (nosy) friend I was using a babysitter.
Her au pair met mine and my friend was prying for info. I told her the truth and that I relied on my au pair for my livelihood. Feel bad to have lied but wanted a clean break from the au pair chat thing.

OP posts:
quoteunquote · 10/04/2013 00:02

sorry that is clear as mustard,

who was prying for what information?

kotinka · 10/04/2013 00:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jessepinkman · 10/04/2013 00:06

I'm sorry but I don't really understand your post. Are you worried that your friends would 'poach' your good childcare arrangements?

Au pairs are not commodities to be traded.

Original poster
MummaBubba123 · 10/04/2013 00:07

Friend heard from her au pair (who met mine at play group) that I had indeed had an au pair for the last month - not, as I'd said, a babysitter.
The au pairs all egg each other on and my last one lied to justify her own naughty decision to take a job in central London as she wanted, in her own words, to have a rest and an easy time for her last 3 months.

OP posts:
PurpleStorm · 10/04/2013 00:08

I'm confused Confused

apostropheuse · 10/04/2013 00:11

her own naughty decision

You've got to be having a laugh. Hmm

MajaBiene · 10/04/2013 00:12

So basically your friend treats her au pair better than you do, so you didn't want your friend's au pair to tell yours that she could get a better job elsewhere?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 10/04/2013 00:14

Lol!

ilovesooty · 10/04/2013 00:15

I think I feel sorry for the au pairs, or I think I would if I understood what the hell the OP is trying to tell us.

Jessepinkman · 10/04/2013 00:17

If an au pair won't stay with you, it says more about you.

My mum had au pair girls for us, they are still like thirty years later, her friends.

You have to respect and when they are teenagers care for the people that look after your children for peanuts. They are not commodities, they are people.

There are day nurseries. Some of them are really nice. They will stop you getting upset about things.

Original poster
MummaBubba123 · 10/04/2013 00:22

Lol
I didn't explain it very well. I work 5-8pm. Kind of rules out the day nursery thing. I've had two au pairs who have lived with us for 2 years.
Recently, I've had au pairs who have used our place as a stepping stone to get a job in central London / who have heard once here that this can be done.
Ride responses on here not appreciated but have humoured me.
;)

OP posts:
Original poster
MummaBubba123 · 10/04/2013 00:24

Oh - and I've been an au pair mysf 3 times - so I'm well aware that they / I was not a commodity.
I involve them in our family life of they choose to come out with us as part of the family vs as part of their job.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummaBubba123 · 10/04/2013 00:24

Myself - not 'mysf'
If - not 'of'

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 10/04/2013 00:24

Recently, I've had au pairs who have used our place as a stepping stone to get a job in central London / who have heard once here that this can be done

I'm struggling to see what's wrong with using one post to progress to another.

Original poster
MummaBubba123 · 10/04/2013 00:26

It's wrong when you've made a commitment to stay for a year and make a move at the drop of a hat to a family who've treated you well - without saying goodbye to either my 5 or 2 year old out of guilt.

OP posts:
Isabeller · 10/04/2013 00:26

OP is a private tutor but au pair 2 (or possibly 3) misunderstood the job description and brought wrist restraints. Au pairs 4,5 and 6 set up a polish bakery in central London, OP doesn't want friend to know about "naughtiness" in case she is forced into a full blown medical case conference. Surely that's clear enough?

(apologies OP, in my defence it is late and I've just been reading something very silly)

Original poster
MummaBubba123 · 10/04/2013 00:27

Lol

OP posts:
apostropheuse · 10/04/2013 00:29

Isabeller Grin

That's much clearer. Thank you for clarifying the situation.

MajaBiene · 10/04/2013 00:31

You want to isolate your au pair so she can't find out how to get a better job then?

ilovesooty · 10/04/2013 00:32

That's what it sounds like to me too Maja

missingmumxox · 10/04/2013 00:32

I am still lost on the fact now that your friend is nosy? how? Why? what does she care? she has an au pair, she is not poaching, as she has one.
your au pair if they wish to leave they will, just like I would leave my employer, if I wasn't happy, or wanted something else to interest me.

Original poster
MummaBubba123 · 10/04/2013 00:34

Well - I'd rather she didn't bugger off to London like the last two.
Isolate? No. I've found her some nice local English friends so she's been happy socially

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 10/04/2013 00:34

I don't think she wanted her au pair to talk to her friend's au pair in case it gave her ideas about moving on.

Jessepinkman · 10/04/2013 00:34

Should be a possibility, same as any other role...

Original poster
MummaBubba123 · 10/04/2013 00:36

Anyone else love in the stocks n been in this situation?
Having an au pair is my only option for childcare at the times I work. I'm totally dependent on them and so pay well and treat them nicely. It's v hard to see the children have so many changes.
I can see the situation isn't coming across clearly.

OP posts: