Keeping mum on my childcare arrangements

[MummaBubba123]

My friend and I work. She's a part time supply doctor and I'm a teacher (tutor from home). We have both found having an au pair works better for flexibility of childcare. I've been really unlucky recently- with two only lasting 6 months and one shortly after that having been found by me to be restraining my daughter by the wrists. She didn't last long!
I found a new au pair and was scared that she would talk to my friend's au pair and hear that the others have found easier jobs in central London and become concerned that I asked the nutty one to leave. We live in the sticks.
So, I let my au pair (lovely girl) settle in with us for a few weeks and told my (nosy) friend I was using a babysitter.
Her au pair met mine and my friend was prying for info. I told her the truth and that I relied on my au pair for my livelihood. Feel bad to have lied but wanted a clean break from the au pair chat thing.

But you don't want her to talk to other au pairs or network on the job front. And as for finding her "nice local English friends" - that sounds pretty patronising to me.

Live - not 'love'
Lol

my first :)
anyway did anybody see the village? how depressing! I am about to watch Worlds worst place to be a... on Iplayer.

My gd, I'm not patronising. They are nice friends of her age! What's with the reaction? She had ASKED me to find English friends for her.
I give up. Seems like I'm getting a rather hostile response - perhaps it's difficult to describe the situation fully online. Or perhaps people are looking to give someone a bashing.
I'm not up for it.
Night!

Does your friend's au pair give your au pairs ideas about running off to London? And you think by meeting one another they will discuss you In a bad way for having 3 au pairs in the space of 6 months and basically gossip about you? You've lied to your friend saying that you don't have an au pair, but are using a babysitting service, except both au pairs have met each other and now your friend knows you have an au pair, so may feel a bit about why you lied?

I think you're making a big brouhaha about nothing. Treat your au pair nicely and she'll stay. Otherwise, just use a babysitting service for 3 hours a day.

mumma I know what you mean by APs egging each other on - this week my AP was talking about someone doing less hours, albeit for less money, but when I counted it out other AP was actually doing more hours, for less money. Answer - 'oh'.
I assume the 'naughty' decision is where they forget their original time commitment and leave at extremely short notice. And I think it is fair to call that naughty. if it were the host family cancelling, not because the AP did not do a reasonable job but because there was a 'better' AP available - that would be naughty++ too.

Lots of crossed posts.
To me YANBU.
I am on AP2 here.

Oh definitely NBU but don't forget to confiscate her phone, disconnect your internet router and steam open all her post as well. Because there's just a chance that your friend is not her only potential source of knowledge about other au pairs Unlikely I know, because not many young women use the interweb or social media, but you can't be too careful.

And it definitely makes more sense to cut off her access to the rest of society than to try to work out why your APs don't want to stay.

Clearly those who have posted unsympathetically:
A) Do not rely in this kind of childcare.
B) Have inverted snobbery issues that they're seeking to project.
C) Haven't taken the time to seek clarification but prefer to pass judgements and enjoy their own 'humour'.
D) have preconceptions about the way that I and others may be treating their au pairs.
Laughable

Bet you the new AP is gone by summer.

I'm a bit confused. Are you sure your friend's AP is encouraging your APs to run off to London? After all, she presumably hasn't run off to London.

I think you are just making life complicated with all these lies. If the AP is the type to be unreliable do you really want them looking after your kids anyway?

You're both correct. I've a new childcare arrangement from June. So this one is only here until then - which suits her as she only wanted a short term position.

Hope it works out for your DCs and genuine sympathy about the childcare challenge.

I think your thread just got off on the wrong foot because we were rather confused about the situation you described.

and it was late

A year commitment may be a bit too much to expect of a teenager/early 20's from another country who wants to experience life in the UK.

The grass is always greener elsewhere, people change jobs thinking they are going somewhere better. Does not always turn out that way.

If you expected them to stay 3 months, then some will exceed expectations, others will move on quickly and you may be glad they did in some cases.

If you need reliable childcare where the same person stays a long time, is an au-pair the option? Maybe a local nanny with own child, would be more stable as they a more fixed to your location.

So true. Unfortunately, the timing of my work in the evenings restricts me to only people who have no children or are teenagers. So much coursework nowadays that a reliable au pair us the best option.. when it works! Lol