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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Always same bedtime

63 replies

Snickersnoodles · 05/04/2013 07:35

I have a DD who is 8 months and my friend has a DD who has just turned 4 months.

We have both been invited to another friends house (who has 2 dc, toddler and school age) with our DC's for food, early evening.

My friend doesn't want to go as her DD goes to bed at a certain time and she doesn't want to alter this.

AIBU by thinking that it doesn't harm children to have an occasional change to their routine.

My DD is usually in bed for 7.30 but if we are out somewhere and it is later, then I don't worry about it. I did this with my older DS and he was a brilliant sleeper and still is at 7.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 05/04/2013 07:38

That's how she is happy doing things. It's their choice.

teacher123 · 05/04/2013 07:38

My DS always has the same bedtime (to within about half an hour) and I wouldn't voluntarily change it or stay out later. I do however suffer from PND and anxiety regarding his sleeping, so I probably am not the best person to comment on this!

ilovepowerhoop · 05/04/2013 07:38

when my kids were younger they got very thrown out by a change to routine and if they were up late they didn't sleep in the next morning and it spoiled the next day. It has changed now that dd is 9 and I now have to drag her out of bed!

Tee2072 · 05/04/2013 07:43

I don't worry about it but lots of people are welded to their routines and that's their right.

HorryIsUpduffed · 05/04/2013 07:49

It messes up my DCs something rotten. We have been doing the clock change ten minutes a day here this week.

Iaintdunnuffink · 05/04/2013 07:49

Some babies settle easily, some don't. I had a nice bedtime routine for my eldest that worked well enough, he wasn't the best sleeper and didn't wind down easily. As bedtime routines went,it was quite fluid and I was happy to take him out after bed, or alter the time. Not happy exactly but I didn't think it would do any harm and it didn't. I never once enjoyed any of those evenings though! He would wriggle, grizzle and I would spend my time trying to settle him. He was one of those children that get grumpier and more awake the more tired he was.

It was a different story with other one, he was always happy when tired and would fall asleep in my arms. He's 8 and still the same, if we.'re out late he doesn't moan, all he needs is a comfy corner and a blanket.

fluffyraggies · 05/04/2013 07:50

I don't think it harms children to change their routine occasionally, but if it's been a struggle to get your DC into a routine (and finally get some sleep yourself) then it would take a very exciting, worth while or grave situation to make you risk upsetting that.

Speaking from experience here :)

MammaTJ · 05/04/2013 07:52

My HV told me when my DD was a baby, have a routine for the baby but you rule the routine, don't let the routine rule you. For me, routine is important but so is flexibility when it suits.

Not much you can do about your friends decisions and choices though.

munchkinmaster · 05/04/2013 07:52

She may end up with a horrible, screaming overtired baby who is then up all night. To be honest I wouldn't have done at four months - might have before then.

Original poster
Snickersnoodles · 05/04/2013 07:59

So does this mean you would never go out on an evening with the dc. When I only had DS, we took him out often and when he was very little, he would sleep in our arms etc.

Does the same go for naps. DD naps at a similar time during the day but is sometimes asleep for longer than normal and if it coincides with the school run or an appointment etc, she is woken up.

I was also told by my HV when DS was little the same as MammaTJ.

OP posts:
wannabedomesticgoddess · 05/04/2013 07:59

Hmm. Its a funny one.

With DD1 I was like you OP. She would have slept on a clothesline so we had no routine. Except a loose 7.30 bedtime. But if it needed to change it wasnt an issue.

With DD2 (5months) its a nightmare to get her settled. We need a routine, but as yet havent figured out one that works. I suppose I would take her out of it but I would then be awake all night with her and be exhausted the next day.

Its every parents choice and I suppose its easy to think its the parent driving the routine. But until you have a tricky baby its hard to see that infact some babies need a very firm routine no matter what the parents want.

It is her choice but I dont blame you for being annoyed.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper · 05/04/2013 08:00

My two go to bed at 7-7:30PM come hell or high water when at home, but we're not phased in the slightest by changes to the routine if out and about and luckily neither are they.

But others aren't as lucky with how their kids respond and handle changes.

Sirzy · 05/04/2013 08:02

DS is normally in bed by 7, it would have to be a very special occasion before I would keep him out past 8.

If she is only just getting the routine established then I can fully understand not wanting to deviate from the routine at all

Cherriesarelovely · 05/04/2013 08:06

I wouldn't have been that keen to muck about with bedtimes when Dd was 4 months. She had just got into a routine and it was the fact that she was sleeping better that was keeping me sane. I'm sure you are right that it wont do any harm but sometimes when you are a new mum you can't face the upheaval even for 1 night.

maddening · 05/04/2013 08:06

Well at 4 mths old there are lots of sleep issues eg regressions so she might be desperately trying to sort that.

Could you all take food to her house instead?

Original poster
Snickersnoodles · 05/04/2013 08:06

She is always telling me how easy her baby is and she is only waking once during the night, sometimes not at all.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 05/04/2013 08:09

Maybe that's because she has the baby in a good routine!

SneakyNinja · 05/04/2013 08:11

Well obviously a strict routine works well for her then doesn't it?

KayHunt · 05/04/2013 08:11

Well let her stick to her routine as it helps her. My son is a monster if he's not in bed vying 1930.

So I don't go out with my baby, it's only a brief time they're babies, sleep is my saviour not socialising.

Original poster
Snickersnoodles · 05/04/2013 08:13

My DD is also in a good routine, sleeping through. Changing it for one night does not alter this routine. How would she know if it would change it or not if she has never tried it.

Ok, I will accept that IABU but it will be a long few years then as they both have no family here as both moved down here from Scotland.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 05/04/2013 08:15

Hmm well my ds is 10 months and bedtime is 6 - he's decided this himself and any later than this and he will literally throw a fit (!! ) until he's put in his dark room in his cot... so I never go out anywhere near his bedtime, ever.

Dd now aged 10 wasn't too bothered about a change to her routine.

I guess it depends on the baby and how they react. Its not fun contending with a miserable overtired baby !

RubyGates · 05/04/2013 08:17

She will know, won't she what a change to the routine will do to her baby?

YABU

Original poster
Snickersnoodles · 05/04/2013 08:19

Yes, I accept that IABU but she has never tried it so she doesn't know.

OP posts:
devonsmummy · 05/04/2013 08:21

I never took dc1 out past bedtime - bf a fussing hard to settle baby to sleep for an hour or more was not my idea of a fun night out. Knowing if I did manage to get them off to sleep & they'd wake being put in car then repeat getting to sleep at home again.
We tended to have friends to us
Slightly different with dc2 as easier to put down to sleep, but only ever went out past bedtime on 2-3 occasions.
Totally depends on baby & mum

FiveGoMadInDorset · 05/04/2013 08:22

I don't think YABU, we took DD out when she was a baby and it never did her any harm, babies are portable. But each to their own.

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