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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dogs and babies

43 replies

DowntonTrout · 03/04/2013 20:09

My DD and her DH have a young/year old staffie.

DD is 26 weeks pregnant with her first baby.

We just had a conversation about her putting a travel cot in the living room with some sort of cover so that she can leave the baby in the room and the dog wont be able to get in the cot with it.

I said that she mustn't leave the baby in the room with the dog at all. A staffie could easily rip through the side of a travel cot and if it sees the baby moving and doesn't know what it is it could go for it. A cover wouldn't provide any protection.

She says the dog won't go for the baby. She KNOWS it wouldn't.

Firstly AIBU for interfering or giving my opinion anyway. Secondly AIBU about the dog? Personally I wouldn't leave a baby in a room with any dog. We are not on the best of terms and are only just beginning to rebuild our relationship, therefore I am already treading on eggshells and am hoping to be a non- judgemental and supportive grandmother.

OP posts:
MrsSpagBol · 03/04/2013 20:13

I think you are completely right. And I am a massive dog lover.

She cannot 100% guarantee what the dog will or will not do.

Tell her to read the story about that poor 14 year old girl who was killed. I am not saying her dog is awful. But the fact is that the risk is just not worth it.

FucktidiaBollockberry · 03/04/2013 20:14

No YANBU

She is a fucking idiot if she thinks it's OK to leave a dog with a new baby.

catgirl1976 · 03/04/2013 20:16

I love dogs.

I would never leave a young child unattended with one. Let alone a young dog with a baby.

YANBU at all. I don't know how you can get this through to her. Maybe she will feel differently when the baby arrives or maybe not. Could you get someone else to talk to her if your relationship is a bit delicate? Maybe some facts on how dangerous this is?

Simontowers1 · 03/04/2013 20:16

Dog lover here also and I agree with you OP. where dogs and kids are concerned it is all about what the dog is capable of. Staffies are capable of inflicting great damage (although let us be clear, attacks are rare). Why people have such dogs with young children is beyond me. Idiotic.

stargirl1701 · 03/04/2013 20:17

Can you get in touch with her HV and ask her to explain the risks?

TheDegglyDonkey · 03/04/2013 20:19

Another dog lover here. YANBU.
Regardless of breed, dogs can be unpredictable. It would be sheer madness to do what they are suggesting.

Bearmonkeysmum · 03/04/2013 20:20

I don't think you are BU personally. When I was pg we had lots of people telling us that we must get rid of our dog completely as you definitely could not have both. Whilst we weren't going to get rid we did take some precautions & ds & the dog were never left alone in a room together. We had a safety gate between the lounge & kitchen so the dog would be with me in the kitchen whilst ds in the Moses.

As much as I love my dog & don't think she would do anything, they are unpredictable & it's absolutely not worth the risk.

HoneyDragon · 03/04/2013 20:20

What are you trying to get through to her? Has she actually said she intends to leave them unsupervised together?

SnuffleTheDog · 03/04/2013 20:23

Breed of dog is irrelevant, never leave children alone with a dog or any animal for that matter

Original poster
DowntonTrout · 03/04/2013 20:25

Yes, yes, I know these things.

I have two dogs myself. They are lovely little things but I wouldn't put the baby in a room with them either. They treat the staffie as their baby so god knows how it will react to a new, real baby in the house.

Sigh.... There is no one else I can get to speak to her. Either I keep telling her or I keep out of it. Neither is a great option.

OP posts:
Original poster
DowntonTrout · 03/04/2013 20:31

honeydragon she says she is looking for a cover for the travel cot so she can leave the baby asleep in the living room and the dog will not be able to get in, as he is a jumper, fences/gates are no use with him.

When I said that she wouldn't leave the baby in the room with the dog anyway (yes, unsupervised) she said its so that she can be in the kitchen and not have to keep shutting the dog out, as that would be upsetting for the dog.

OP posts:
MissBetseyTrotwood · 03/04/2013 20:31

Ah, there was a site mentioned on here or on FB, I can't remember which, which was a foundation created by a family whose DDog had just randomly reacted one day and killed their toddler. It was a good, balanced site, full of sensible advice and telling the heartbreaking story of what happened that day to the family.

I'll have a search around for you and see if I can find it. I love my dog but I wouldn't trust him for a single second with a baby unattended and I don't think you ABU at all.

Quak · 03/04/2013 20:32

Tell her that every dog is on a spectrum. Those that will almost certainly bite and those that almost certainly won't. No matter how small the chance it is not comparable to the consequences.
My dog is meek, mild and ignores dd but I never leave them unattended together. Tip - It's easier to take the dog with you if you have to leave the room, rather than carting a baby about.
Tell your dd to stop being stupid and take proper responsibility for her soon to be born baby.

You can only do so much before she starts to get annoyed with you so perhaps you could ensure good advice comes from other sources too.

Good luck.

crashdoll · 03/04/2013 20:35

YANBU. I'm a dog lover but it's unreasonable to think your dog could never attack. I have a toy poodle, he's my baby but I'm not naiive and would never leave him unattended with children. I wonder if she will feel differently once the baby actually arrives?

PurpleStorm · 03/04/2013 20:37

YANBU.

Very risky leaving a baby alone with a dog, regardless of the breed.

SirBoobAlot · 03/04/2013 20:37

No, YANBU. Hopefully MW or HV will go through all the safety information with her, and her opinion will change once the little one arrives.

Though on a harsher note, I'd rather risk 'upsetting' a dog by shutting it out of the room, than take the risk of it killing a baby.

ChasingDogs · 03/04/2013 20:42

I agree with SirBoobAlot and Quak.

She should be starting a routine of separation now to be honest, as well as getting all the ground rules in place for when the baby arrives. Things like not being allowed on the sofa... If the dog is the current "baby" you don't want any resource guarding issues to raise their ugly heads once the real baby is on the scene.

MissBetseyTrotwood · 03/04/2013 20:43

Here is the story I was thinking of. Most of the site is aimed at older children but a good example of how things can change in an instant.

wibblyjelly · 03/04/2013 20:44

Yanbu. My dsis rehomed her dog a year before my ds was born. I've said to dh I'm happy that he was gone before ds was born, as there is no way I would be able to trust it around ds. I'm sure her dog is lovely, but it just takes a split second for something to go wrong.

Signet2012 · 03/04/2013 20:48

Unfortunately I had to get my beloved dog PTS when dd was 3 months old. (Ill health not related to dd arrival in any way)

He was a bit of a bugger but I had pretty strong feelings that he wouldn't bite her, he may run over her to get to the door if she was on the floor but I was pretty confident he wouldn't bite her.

I NEVER left him in the same room as her. Not once. He left the room with me each time even if I just popped in to the kitchen for a second.

As confident as I felt I would never ever trust a dog with a baby. You can't. Hope she sees sense soon.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 03/04/2013 20:51

You have said your piece now, don't ask her health visitor to talk to her, my mother (who I no longer talk to) called mine and told her I wasn't feeding ds and the health visitor was obliged to tell me what she had said.

She is only 26 weeks pregnant, she will more than likely change her mind when the baby is here, I said hundreds of things and made lots of plans when pregnant with my first, most of which I realised was a stupid idea when ds arrived.

If you nag her or continuously mention it you will alienate her. Wait and see what she decides when the baby is here before mentioning it again.

LittleRedDinosaur · 03/04/2013 20:52

YANBU at all but I appreciate this is a tricky situation and you'll have to tread very carefully to avoid a big falling out. Difficult. Maybe she'll re-think this of her own accord once she has a baby & her priorities completely change? I wouldn't do anything drastic until then but I also love dogs and would never leave my DD alone with one

LittleRedDinosaur · 03/04/2013 20:53

Cross posts with missy moo- completely agree

MumOfTheMoos · 03/04/2013 20:54

I have a staffie and a one year old. Staffies are known as the nanny dog and they are generally great with kids but I do not leave them together unsupervised. End of.

Like someone says above, it's easier to take the dig with you when you leave the room - so if I need to go into the utility room, moodog comes with me.

Original poster
DowntonTrout · 03/04/2013 21:02

Reading that made me go cold missBetsey.

OP posts:
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