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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

who would you believe?

48 replies

OnlyAsking123 · 26/03/2013 14:10

My boyfriend is a flirt when he's drunk, has never acted on it, and doesn't bother me particularly.

We have 2 kids together.

Last weekend, a good friend was over (lets call her N)we were drinking, I went to shop with another friend, (k) when I came back, all was fine, the friend he was left with kicks up a fuss about nothing with another girl there. so N was asked to leave, she had been moody all day, but when outside she phoned boyfriends sister and Mum to say my boyfriend had come onto her in a really up for it way.

His answer is he can't remember, but she's rubbed his leg twice in the past, but didn't want to say, I've never seen him flirt with N.

N also seems to get jealous when boyfriend is flirting with either me or others, it's very weird, and I don't know who to believe. AIBU to give him the benefit of the doubt and cut N out of my life?

OP posts:
BOEUF · 26/03/2013 14:13

Bit of a cliché, isn't it? What's in it for her lying? Your 'boyfriend' sounds rather sleazy, don't you think?

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 26/03/2013 14:13

He can't remember if he came onto her or not? Or did I misread that bit.

pinkyredrose · 26/03/2013 14:13

He 'can't remember'? On that alone I would say he's guilty.

Flobbadobs · 26/03/2013 14:14

I wouldn't believe either of them.

ENormaSnob · 26/03/2013 14:14

He can't remember Hmm

ENormaSnob · 26/03/2013 14:15

I think he's lying.

And he's a sleaze.

Original poster
OnlyAsking123 · 26/03/2013 14:16

Ok, so to try and catch him out, i said she had recorded the conversation on her phone. so he's saying he can't remember saying it, but didn't want to listen to the (non existent) recording.

OP posts:
LemonPeculiarJones · 26/03/2013 14:19

He came onto her.

"I can't remember" - ?! That's the sort of excuse you'd expect from a five year old child!

VanitasVanitatum · 26/03/2013 14:19

She only mentioned it when she got asked to leave.. Sounds like she is stirring, but that doesn't mean it wasn't true. Sounds like he needs to change his behaviour, and I would withdraw from her a bit as she sounds like trouble in general.

overmydeadbody · 26/03/2013 14:19

What a pathetic excuse, "I can't remember".

Why would you want to be with someone who can't remember if they came on to someone else or not? Why?

I wouldn't trust N either though.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/03/2013 14:23

He's a liar. I would have listened to the recording. He didn't, because he worries there is something to hide.

N might be rotten though and through but she is not your problem.

Original poster
OnlyAsking123 · 26/03/2013 14:23

I honestly think though, that he's saying he can't remember because he thinks there's a recording, and he honestly didn't say it, therefore thinks he can't remember? does that make sense?

OP posts:
RalphGnu · 26/03/2013 14:26

It all sounds a bit odd, but from what you've said I think your boyfriend sound s a bit dodgy about it all. I mean, saying he can't remember rather than a denial is a bit suss.

Is it the kind of thing your friend would lie about?

I know you say it doesn't bother you particularly, but flirting with other women is seriously disrespectful, whether drunk or not. And your friend's out of order too for rubbing his leg. It's a weird way to behave.

From the info given I would tend to believe your friend, but you need to be really honest with yourself and ask yourself what you believe.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 26/03/2013 14:26

If you have to lie to trick him into possibly confessing something then maybe you don't trust him as much as you think you do.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 26/03/2013 14:26

As bad as each other imo, your BF and N, (whose 'good friend is she btw?).

MansView · 26/03/2013 14:26

yeah, can't remember..??

plus the fact he's a flirt - but doesn't flirt with her? - unless she's really ugly - I'd say there's defo something going on...

could be he either did come on to her - or she came onto her and he rejected..!

RalphGnu · 26/03/2013 14:27

Sorry, x-post.

He's saying "Well, if I did, it was only because I was so drunk, so I can't remember."

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/03/2013 14:28

If my DH said that there was a recording of me flirting with his friend I would say "bollocks, I didn't say that, let me hear" not "I don't remember".

LemonPeculiarJones · 26/03/2013 14:29

Aw OP, no it doesn't really make sense.

If it hadn't happened he'd be happy that there was a recording to fully exonerate him.

CheeseStrawWars · 26/03/2013 14:30

"Did you come onto my friend?"

"Err.... I can't remember."

Really? He was that drunk? Drunk to the point of blackouts? Alternatively, any answer to the question "Did you come onto my friend" that isn't "No" is yes by implication.

Hullygully · 26/03/2013 14:33

Who is the other friend?

Hullygully · 26/03/2013 14:34

the friend he was left with kicks up a fuss about nothing with another girl there.

Who is this "another girl?"

How is she involved? Did she come on to someone?

Original poster
OnlyAsking123 · 26/03/2013 14:34

I text both of them to leave me alone and let me think, I don't know what to believe, he did and gave me space, she has text me every 4 hours since then?!! Asksing if I'[m alright, and not to fall out with her over this.

OP posts:
NessieMcFessie · 26/03/2013 14:35

You pretended that there was a recording? He always flirts? All sounds a bit odd to me OP...

RalphGnu · 26/03/2013 14:37

If my DH said that there was a recording of me flirting with his friend I would say "bollocks, I didn't say that, let me hear" not "I don't remember".

Exactly that, OP. They both sound untrustworthy. Sorry, I know it's not hearing that about someone you love. Sad

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