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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

who would you believe?

48 replies

OnlyAsking123 · 26/03/2013 14:10

My boyfriend is a flirt when he's drunk, has never acted on it, and doesn't bother me particularly.

We have 2 kids together.

Last weekend, a good friend was over (lets call her N)we were drinking, I went to shop with another friend, (k) when I came back, all was fine, the friend he was left with kicks up a fuss about nothing with another girl there. so N was asked to leave, she had been moody all day, but when outside she phoned boyfriends sister and Mum to say my boyfriend had come onto her in a really up for it way.

His answer is he can't remember, but she's rubbed his leg twice in the past, but didn't want to say, I've never seen him flirt with N.

N also seems to get jealous when boyfriend is flirting with either me or others, it's very weird, and I don't know who to believe. AIBU to give him the benefit of the doubt and cut N out of my life?

OP posts:

RalphGnu · 26/03/2013 14:37

*not nice.

I have sausage fingers today!

Original poster

OnlyAsking123 · 26/03/2013 14:39

Think that's the crux of it, I don't trust either of them, just don't know if this is worth working on with him, he's the Father of my children.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/03/2013 14:42

It all sounds exhausting Only. How old are the kids?

Also, I don't need to trust anyone but DH. Because I trust him, no one else's morals are important. However, if she rubbed his leg once, why did she get close enough to rub it twice? And, does he flirt with other people?

Itsjustafleshwound · 26/03/2013 14:44

Does it really matter? He has previous form and 'n' reactions sound as if she is quite happy to sow seeds of discontent.

Booyhoo · 26/03/2013 14:45

someone who had never tried to cheat on his GF would be adamant that they hadn't. teh only reason they would say "i cant remember" would be because they belived there was a possiblity they had, which would suggest it's happened before.

it sounds like an unpleasant relationship you trying to catch him out and not knowing what to believe. him flirting with other people and getting so drunk he cant trust himself not to try it on. and your friend is weird too. who gets jealous of their friend being flirted with by their own boyfriend?

twentythirteen · 26/03/2013 14:47

OP, neither your friend nor your partner sound like great catches, as you say you don't trust either of them, but you can't control them either. Find your boundaries and manage those with respect to yourself.

squeakytoy · 26/03/2013 14:49

I would believe her.

I also doubt she has ever rubbed his leg.

Viviennemary · 26/03/2013 14:51

They both sound a silly immature pair. So who knows what has gone on or not gone on. Sorry this is no help. If you trust your DP that's great. But I'd give this N person a wide berth for the time being. She sounds a bit of a stirrer at best and at worst well who knows.

RalphGnu · 26/03/2013 14:51

It's not an easy thing to think about and obviously you would love to keep your family together but would you be able to carry on with your lives not really being able to trust him? Like I say, it's a horrible thing to have to consider but I think you already have grave doubts or you wouldn't have started the thread.

Do you have any other (non weird) friends or family in rl who can give you an objective opinion?

AgentProvocateur · 26/03/2013 14:55

Honestly? It sounds like everyone was drunk, and your friend and boyfriend sound as bad as each other. How many we're in your house? Were your childe in? It doesn't sound like a great environment for them.

Original poster

OnlyAsking123 · 26/03/2013 14:59

No they were at their Grandma's for the weekend, there was only 6 of us there, I know it sounds like we were all pissed, but we weren't actually, and N hadn't been drinking at all, she was a moody cow all day!

OP posts:

Original poster

OnlyAsking123 · 26/03/2013 15:01

Ralph yes, they don't believe N, she's a bit of a twat TBH, i won't be seeing her again I don't think, I don't trust her, but do I trust him either?

OP posts:

RalphGnu · 26/03/2013 15:09

No, you don't, or you wouldn't have to ask. Life is a total shitter at times, but you need to look after yourself.

Booyhoo · 26/03/2013 15:19

i stayed with my EX for far too long after i stopped trusting him. there were times i know he was lying to me. i suspect he cheated on me at least once but i told myself i trusted him but in reality i didn't. it made for a horrible relationship. i would read his texts when he slept and it only lead to more mistrust as i would find stuff that was suspicious but couldn't tell whether it was just me being paranoid or genuinely suspicious. it was awful. and because i was being secretive and sneaky reading hsi texts my behaviour changed and he knew something was up so didn't trust me. i still to this day do not know the full truth about whether he was up to anything or not but at least it doesn't matter anymore as he's not my problem anymore. we have children together too.

Emilythornesbff · 26/03/2013 16:02

"I have no recollection......." remember Clinton's words?
But you know he's a flirt so maybe it doesn't matter.

Emilythornesbff · 26/03/2013 16:04

I think I'm with squeakyto

LibertineLover · 26/03/2013 16:06

Of course it matters Emily there's a big difference between flirting and doing something about it, I would tolerate neither, as I think it does show lack of respect, and N and people like her would have no way in if he didn't act this way.

Emilythornesbff · 26/03/2013 16:07

Not sure i'd want all these pissed up ppl arguing and flirting with ,y kids I the house tbh.

Floggingmolly · 26/03/2013 16:09

They sound a right pair. I'd believe something happened alright; but, she rang his mother? Why?

Booyhoo · 26/03/2013 16:09

the children weren't in the house

Emilythornesbff · 26/03/2013 16:13

Well, we all have different views about what constitutes flirting I think.
Some ppl regard friendly tactile behaviour as flirtatious. Sounds like the op's bf's flirting is more than this and she seems ok with that.
I wouldn't be happy with that personally. I think it always has the potential to be a problem

I was a bit flippant in my reply.

Emilythornesbff · 26/03/2013 16:14

Ok, sorry boyhoo.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 26/03/2013 19:50

Your really desperate to pin this on your friend aren't you? Despite all the evidence stacking up against your clearly wonderful dp.
Cut her out, she's better off without friends like you.

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