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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let a stranger hold my baby?

54 replies

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo · 13/03/2013 16:01

DP thinks I was, and to quote him "in the best way possible you are crazy woman."

Today DS2 (11 weeks) and I stopped off at Costa today whilst doing a spot of shopping, it got quite busy and as I was taking up a 4 seater table (comfy to feed and space for the pram), I asked a lady if she would like to sit with me. In a casual way obviously not a weird way.

The lady accepted. Obviously it would of been awkward to sit there in silence so conversation started. She asked about DS2 (name age etc), which led to speaking about DS1, and she then revealed she had been TTC for a while. I mentioned our own fertility problems and eventually she asked if she could hold DS2.

I said yes, she held him, jigged him a bit, he did his typically stoic, i shall not grin at strangers stare, she complimented his obvious beauty and handed him back, finished her drink and left.

Now given that she didn't have two heads, nor suck his blood, and I didn't leave him, where is the harm?
I wouldn't hand him over to just anyone of course, but she seemed nice! I suppose she could of attempted to run off with him but its not exactly the norm is it? Prowling in costa... WIBU?

OP posts:
DeepRedBetty · 13/03/2013 16:04

No. It's you that was there and could feel the vibes. Hope she succeeds in having a baby soon.

PatriciaHolm · 13/03/2013 16:05

Of course not. She's probably telling everyone who will listen about the lovely baby cuddles she had earlier!

You were presumably both sitting in a busy store; the chances of her jumping up and legging it with your baby were about zero.

Your DP would be aghast at me ;-) When on holiday in Tunisia I let the toilet cleaner cuddle DS while I had a wee! She would also coo over him when I went to change his nappy so I had seen her a few times and she was thrilled to get a proper hold!

Original poster
StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo · 13/03/2013 16:07

Deep me too, she was v good with DS

Pat glad it isnt just me! DP honestly looked at me like I was as naive as bambi Grin

OP posts:
Theas18 · 13/03/2013 16:13

No problem. You made her day and your baby had a new face to grimace at. Good all round.

mrsjay · 13/03/2013 16:13

your husband is an antisocial fool Grin I think that is lovely did he think the woman was going run off with your baby, ? you were friendly warm and chatty to another person and you let her have a hold and cuddle of your baby hardly a crime,

SignoraStronza · 13/03/2013 16:14

Of course you were NBU! I've been known to pass dc to a stranger behind me in a queue at Costa to enable me to fiddle for some change.

UniqueAndAmazing · 13/03/2013 16:14

YANBU.
it's not like she just came up to you in the street, it sounds like a perfectly amiable exchange.

RatherBeACyborg · 13/03/2013 16:15

No, that's lovely. Share the joy I say. I love it when people take an interest in the dds, far better than people tutting and griping about children.

Cherriesarelovely · 13/03/2013 16:18

Not at all. It was a very nice, normal thing to do.

Original poster
StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo · 13/03/2013 16:18

Glad you all dont think im mad!!

i did remind him of the time we were away in dublin and a poor bloke was trying to hold a circa 8month old and fold his buggy to get on a bus, he went to clamp him between his knees! So i offered to hold him, which made me happy and his life easier. DP was very " thats different" haha bless his soul he is a funny one!

OP posts:
LaalRatty · 13/03/2013 16:20

Weirdly I just posted this in Chat.

When DD1 was 6 weeks old (and suffering with painful reflux and colic) I was struggling to feed ds who was 2 (he was in the process of not eating a thing and it was so worrying for a few months) in a cafe (my own food was going stone cold). dd was crying her heart out and I was seriously stressed with ds and my bottom lip was going. I'd arranged to meet a friend and been stood up. Really could have done without the stress. An elderly lady approached me and I prepared to do battle with her. Instead she asked how I'd feel about her rocking my baby while I concentrated on feeding ds and eating my meal? She said she knows how most people would feel about being asked that but she could see I was struggling and took a chance on asking. It was such a lovely and kind gesture so I accepted. She told me to take my time. She managed to calm dd and was so lovely with her. It was a huge help and so unexpected. She wouldn't accept my fiver so I asked the man at the counter to charge me what she normally had. Just a cup of coffee. So I left her a big piece of whatever cake she fancied.
I was so used to people being rude about my crying baby I was shocked that someone went out of their way to prove not everyone's like that. She also showed me an effective way of soothing dd's tummy. She was African and had 7 children and 11 grandkids as well as one great grandchild that she was immensely proud of back in Zimbabwe. Her name was Graceful (Grace for short) and I still think of her to this day 7 years and one more kid later. :o

LibertineLover · 13/03/2013 16:22

No, I've passed DS to a stragner behind me in the bus queue, while I do the buggy etc. That's not how peado's or child snatchers tend to operate :)

Lottapianos · 13/03/2013 16:24

It all sounds normal and rather lovely to me OP. It's a really lovely thing when someone offers you a hold of their baby, especially if you're not a parent yourself. I remember going to visit my mate when her baby was fairly new and being gutted that she didn't offer me the baby to hold at all. I bet you made that woman's day! Smile

DeskPlanner · 13/03/2013 16:25

What a lovely story Laal Grin

Original poster
StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo · 13/03/2013 16:25

Aw LaaL thats luffly! What a lovely lady Smile

OP posts:
NeverQuiteSure · 13/03/2013 16:25

What a lovely story LaalRatty

OP you were not BU at all. I have an 18 month gap between my two and if I was in a cafe I was always very happy to pass one of them onto the first stranger to show a passing interest.

notapizzaeater · 13/03/2013 16:29

I remember when ds was about 10 weeks hold with horrific colic and he started screaming the place down at the check out in morrisoms. The cashier was on go slow and I was getting more and more stressed when a young woman asked me if she could rock ds whilst I packed - she rocked him fir a good 10 mins - I could have kissed her Blush. She was just pregnant and said she hoped some one would do it for her

LaalRatty · 13/03/2013 16:35

Thanks! :o

facedontfit · 13/03/2013 16:36

Husband is being an a**e. Perfectly normal friendy thing to do.

elfycat · 13/03/2013 16:40

I let a 15 year old girl hold DD1 (5 months) at the cinema. Cooing at DD1 and chatting she admitted that she was pregnant and her family/ bf were supporting her but she was throwing away her career plans.

I asked if she thought I was too old to start a second career. She laughed and said no so I pointed out I was 38, she had all the time in the world to train later. She almost skipped back to her mother and pointed at me. The mother (my age the girl had said) smiled and waved.

LillianaVess · 13/03/2013 16:43

I would love to hold a baby for someone! DS is 6 and I am soooo broody but its never going to happen :(
I bet she's had a smile on her face for ages after that.

prettybird · 13/03/2013 16:45

Not quite so young, but when ds was 13 months old, we were visiting South Africa (so his great granny could meet him) and while we were there we also visited the Cape. We were trying to have lunch at an excellent restaurant at one of the vineyards. It was a late lunch and no-one else was there but ds was not for either eating or for stopping crying Hmm

The staff (both black and white) just whisked him off and gave him a tour of the premises so that we could eat in peace - off into the kitchen, outside ie out of eyeshot before bringing him back in to sit in lordship on the bar counter being entertained by them all.

Dh and I commented at the time that some other less negligent relaxed parents would have been having kittens! Grin

Cassarick · 13/03/2013 16:47

You've probably given her hope and she's gone home feeling optimistic......and lovely.

MrsMushroom · 13/03/2013 16:53

Yanbu people are always holding one another's babies here...on the bus mainly!

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 13/03/2013 16:55

Dd was whisked away in M&S at 5 days old. I think she wound up with a tour of the entire Ladies dept.

I am also a random holder of babies as is my friend. Especially in changing rooms. Clearly pink hair, piercings and tattoos emit safe with with babies vibes for mothers who have ran out of hands Smile