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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let a stranger hold my baby?

54 replies

StrawberriesTasteLikeLipsDo · 13/03/2013 16:01

DP thinks I was, and to quote him "in the best way possible you are crazy woman."

Today DS2 (11 weeks) and I stopped off at Costa today whilst doing a spot of shopping, it got quite busy and as I was taking up a 4 seater table (comfy to feed and space for the pram), I asked a lady if she would like to sit with me. In a casual way obviously not a weird way.

The lady accepted. Obviously it would of been awkward to sit there in silence so conversation started. She asked about DS2 (name age etc), which led to speaking about DS1, and she then revealed she had been TTC for a while. I mentioned our own fertility problems and eventually she asked if she could hold DS2.

I said yes, she held him, jigged him a bit, he did his typically stoic, i shall not grin at strangers stare, she complimented his obvious beauty and handed him back, finished her drink and left.

Now given that she didn't have two heads, nor suck his blood, and I didn't leave him, where is the harm?
I wouldn't hand him over to just anyone of course, but she seemed nice! I suppose she could of attempted to run off with him but its not exactly the norm is it? Prowling in costa... WIBU?

OP posts:
GoSuckEggs · 13/03/2013 16:55

Aw, how lovely. I have often considered asking if someone when they look like they need help, but havent due to feeling like people would think i was weird!

wigglesrock · 13/03/2013 16:55

I've done it loads; waiting staff in restaurants, cabin crew, older children's teachers etc. As a complete aside and its very anecdotal although what else is MN. It took me 7 years to conceive dd1 she is nine months younger than her cousin (who I had first hold of), dd2 is 10 months younger than another cousin and dd3 is 10 months younger than another very close baby.

storminabuttercup · 13/03/2013 17:02

You made her day it's lovely. Your DH is being silly

When ds was about 13 months we were on holiday in the uk. We were out having a meal in a lovely little itallian, ds was playing up, looking back we'd been out for meals too much that week and he was fed up, the staff were amazing it was very quiet and the manager offered to feed him so we could eat in peace, we declined as he was a self feeder as we'd done blw and was happy munching on pizza but when he had finished the manager took him for a wander around the restaurant, taking him into the open kitchen to meet the chefs, who were all lovely to him, one of the chefs kissed his head and said he was beautiful, it was lovely to see and we finished our meal and went back a few days later and ds was perfectly behaved.

I know first hand that there are some horrible people out there, but you can't stop everyone interacting with your child.

My grandad was upset yesterday as he'd been given the daggers by a woman on the bus as he had been pulling silly faces at her son. He said its sad that the world has come to that and that he wished he could have proved it meant no harm. I love it when people talk to my ds, he's chatty and I've had so many people say that he's made their day and I know that's the same for my grandad, ds is the only great grandchild and he sees him often but he loves chatting to kids :-(

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 13/03/2013 17:07

Your DH is being a paranoid fool! How depressing to think that he sees something untoward about a stranger, whom you have engaged in conversation, having a cuddle of your DS while you sat at the table with her. What on earth did he think she was going to do with your DS while you sat about 2 feel away from them!

FreudiansSlipper · 13/03/2013 17:07

yanbu baby cuddles are lovely

ds was often held by other people while I tried to work out how to get him in and out of the sling. He was a very content baby so people would often say finish your coffee and I shall hold him

Fine by me ds was happy and I had a few minutes to myself

I am sure she really enjoyed holding your ds and your shared experience will hopefully give her hope. When we went to Italy and turkey ds was 2 and often taken off by staff he was fine and loved the attention

MrsKeithRichards · 13/03/2013 17:13

We were on holiday when ds2 was 4m old and one night my impeccable timing failed me and he was awake and in need of attention. We were taking it in turns and eating one handed when this lady from another table came over and practically ripped him out my arms! Was lovely to eat in peace and ds2 loved the attention from this lady and her friend.

minouminou · 13/03/2013 17:13

It sounded like a perfectly normal interaction.

I remember travelling on the bus back from my 20-week scan....feeling a bit shell-shocked at having a girl (too lengthy and boring to justify or go into here). A woman - Indonesian or similar - got on with her tiny daughter in a her pram and just plonked her in my arms while she folded the pram up. Complete stranger.....but it just seemed so normal!

I remember looking at her lurid pink velour snowsuit and thinking..."OK, as long as no-one buys you anything like that, we'll be OK...."

teatrolley · 13/03/2013 17:16

HotPink, if you did decide to run off you'd be easy to describe Grin

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen · 13/03/2013 17:18

Suddenly it all makes sense Grin

Cezella · 13/03/2013 17:24

I work in a restaurant and am constantly cooing over babies, holding them whilst parents eat, rocking them to sleep, feeding them, doing ring a ring a roses and have on occasion taken them up the road in their pram to get them to sleep. Parents love it, as does my boss (unless its heaving in there and I'm busy feeding a baby!) I've never had the urge to steal one yet, will let you know if I do.

Twattybollocks · 13/03/2013 17:29

Yanbu. I handed my 2 day old dd over to the lady behind the counter in the petrol station as she asked for a cuddle. Dd didn't mind, made my life a bit easier and she enjoyed it immensely. Share the love!

Shutupanddrive · 13/03/2013 17:31

This thread is making me broody!

MadStaringEyes · 13/03/2013 17:35

I've let tonnes of strangers hold mine.

When ds1 was about a month old a wheel fell off the pram. I had to stop somebody to help, the only person passing was an 18 year old man. I handed ds1 over,got the wheel on, then cried. He took me for a coffee, he's lovely and we still meet up occasionally now.

I also let a 4 year old and then her jealous mum hold a 6 week old ds2 after a swimming trip.

A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet.

NotYouNaanBread · 13/03/2013 17:59

A couple of times when I was in London with child + shopping + buggy and was faced with stairs I couldn't manage, I would ask the nearest unsuspecting passerby to carry dd up the stairs while I took the buggy & shopping. I reckoned the child was the least awkward bit to carry and people were always delighted (if a bit stunned) to help.

I also made a member of Boyzone hold dd1 on a flight because the tiny seats were too tiny for me to organise myself while holding her after we sat down.

exoticfruits · 13/03/2013 18:00

It is sad that people even feel they need to ask the question.

crashdoll · 13/03/2013 18:25

YAsoooooooooNBU, the lady got baby cuddles and he got to stare at a new face and get given attention. It's perfectly normal. I once offered to hold someone's baby as she was coping with a tantruming toddler. She was so grateful and I got to squish a gorgeous baby. (NOTE: I did not squish too hard but he was a very squishy baby!) The toddler got his attention and chilled out. Everyone happy. :)

newcastle34 · 13/03/2013 18:35

I did similar recently at,the supermarket. Dd 6months was crying so a lady offered to hold her or pack shopping for me. I gave her dd.

TidyDancer · 13/03/2013 18:35

This has turned out to be a really lovely thread. :)

OP YANBU. You probably made that lady smile for quite some time afterwards. Snuggly baby cuddles are the best.

AuntLucyInPeru · 13/03/2013 18:38

A lovely lady let me hold her 5week old at a party a while back. Made me smiley afterwards for ages ( still does, when I think of it). It was very nice of you to share the preciousness of your perfect baby Smile

TulipsAndWings · 13/03/2013 18:51

I was handed a baby in a bus queue while the mum folded the buggy. She then sat down but I wasn't getting that bus and had to stop the driver driving off. I think the poor woman was so exhausted she didn't even think. She was mortified. I was scared to death, this was before I'd even thought about having kids.

When I took dd to Spain, she was 3 months old. We ate out every night and had fabulous dinners while dd was coo'd over by staff.

So yanbu Grin

Saski · 13/03/2013 18:54

YANBU!

I wound up in Lebanon quite a lot when both of my kids were newborns. It is totally normal for the waiters to take your baby and carry them around the restaurant to show everyone, because the Lebanese love babies. Everyone wins - mother gets to have her arms free, people get to hold a baby.

DoubleTops · 13/03/2013 18:56

I got a lovely gummy smile yesterday from a 12 week old when his mum needed to see to his big sister. Made my day as my youngest is 2.5 and i do not get a chance to coo over gorgeous babies very often, his mum seemed quite relieved at the offer of help.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 13/03/2013 19:03

I think that was a lovely thing to do.

I remember a thread in which a woman asked if she was being unreasonable because she wouldn't let an old lady hold her baby because she thought it was weird. I was so sad for the old lady in question - ok some people don't, but so many people like holding babies if they don't cry or shit. It's such a sensual (in the proper meaning of the word) thing - the baby smell, the silky kitten like hair and the squidginess . This woman might have been lonely and on her own, missing her grandchildren, or her great grandchildren. She might have not had any human contact for weeks or months. Made me very :(

sjupes · 13/03/2013 19:06

i think its fab and have done it frequently - people at bus stops, taxi drivers firemen when i set the house on fire when DS was six days old , people in play centres when i'm trying to put the stroller away etc etc.

last week i was on the bus with DS and folded his stroller up to let a lady with a newborn on i plonked him in a seat, put the stroller in the shopping bit then asked the elderly lady who had sat beside DS where i was about to sit if she'd pass me him.. her face!! i may well have told her she was naked in a pre school the look i got Shock

i eventually got him and we sat nicely whilst he winked at the older man a few seats behind us and played peek a boo :)

GroupieGirl · 13/03/2013 19:07

I've been know to hand mine over to the bus driver if I needed to fold the buggy.

Tidy This is a nice thread! Smile

I've also gone against the grain and invited siblings to my three-year-old's birthday party...as a deliberate ploy to ensure I get baby cuddles from the 3 & 6 month old brothers of two of my daughter's friends!

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