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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected a work leaving do

42 replies

Happymothersday · 10/03/2013 11:45

ok, I've had and left a few jobs. And each time I've been given a great send-off. But I've just left a job after 5 years and.... Zilch. First, they announced that I was leaving one day earlier than my last day (wishful thinking?). Then, I waited....and waited.... And finally nipped out to get a sandwich and... BOOM... Came back to find a card surreptiously snuck onto my desk, only signed by half the staff. And that was it.

I put my heart, soul and many, many hours of ( unpaid) overtime into that job. I always had glowing appraisals. I was not crap at my job. WIBU to have expected a goodbye speech at least?

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 10/03/2013 11:46

YWNBU! Just as well you have left.

Original poster
Happymothersday · 10/03/2013 12:02

Thank u. . Thought / hoped so. But now I'm just twisted and bitter about it. :(

OP posts:
FutTheShuckUp · 10/03/2013 12:05

Most places ive worked you have to arrange your own leaving do. Its a sign of the times I guess, people are replacable

Vinomcstephens · 10/03/2013 12:06

If you've been there for 5 years, other people must have left - what was done for them? If other leavers have been given a great send off then yes, I'd be wondering why you hadn't too. But if no fuss has been made of other leavers then it explains why no fuss has been made of you. I can understand you being hurt that no effort has been made but maybe that's just the way things are there? Was everyone genuinely aware you are leaving?

Vinomcstephens · 10/03/2013 12:07

....and in my experience, it's the person leaving who arranges a goodbye drinks session - did you do that?

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 10/03/2013 12:08

And most people dont give a shit either. sadly.

OP have some Thanks for good luck in new job.

Snoopingforsoup · 10/03/2013 12:17

As I left the job that was my career, 4 months after returning from mat. Leave, the Marketing Manager pointed out 'no one is going to carve 'worked at XXX' on your head stone anyway'. I have lived by that ever since as it turns out people in the workplace don't truly miss you no matter how many hours you put in, how many crisis's you resolved or how much you loved your career.
I worked in one large organisation since that were happy to let people walk away without so much as a thank you. Times have changed.
If you expected more, it's a shame it wasn't provided for you so YANBU.

aldiwhore · 10/03/2013 12:18

Wherever I've worked it's been up to the leaver to arrange drinks etc., though just a card put on the desk seems a little thoughtless.

youfhearted · 10/03/2013 12:21

no collection? tha seems very mean. the drinks and whatnot shoudl be arranged by the lucky leaver, but a collection at least - a pressie - even after shortterm jobs i have received something

youfhearted · 10/03/2013 12:22

would you say you got on with your colleagues?

BrianCoxandTheTempleofDOOM · 10/03/2013 12:32

I work for a fab (small) company and a big fuss is made of leaving, mat leave, birthdays etc.

However, years ago I worked for an even smaller company (5 employees) and I was (or thought I was) friends with the boss.

We originally worked together in a bigger company, that went bust and he set up his own business. I put my heart and soul into trying to make it work but told him from the start I was only staying 6 months to help set up and then moving on as I wanted to go back into another branch of the industry. On my last day (in his office which was in the basement of his house) I switched off my PC and said "I'm off then" and he ignored me, didn't say a word.

I had dared go against him and his amazing empire. I had proved I didn't need him controlling my life (he was an uber control freak). The truth was I was fed up of his little empire but didn't want to shit on him as we'd worked together/been friends for many years and I felt I owed him, therefore wanted to help in the first 6 months of his new business venture.

I have never been so hurt as I was that day. This is the same person that moved a lodger into the house he shared with his fiance (who was also a co-owner of the business) and then screwed the lodger, dumped the fiance but still had such a hold over her she continues to work for him to this day!

Oh, where did that come from? Ha, therapy. Wink

ilovesooty · 10/03/2013 12:33

At my work you'd get a card, a present and a little informal presentation. You'd organise your own leaving do but you'd get a good turn out. I don't blame you for being upset.

However: get this. At my last place of employment I'd been there 10 years. After horrendous workplace bullying and cover ups of dreadful conditions there I wrote to the press when I was forced out. When my letter was published the staff waited in the car park the next morning for the person who organised my collection to demand their money back...

redskyatnight · 10/03/2013 12:42

I was made redundant from my old workplace after 15 years. The norm when folks were leaving (particularly with that length of service) was that there was an informal gathering at work (organised by mgt) where there were normally some nibbles and you got a bit of a speech and were presented with a leaving gift.

I got precisely nothing. When it became obvious that nothing "proper" had been organised I arranged my own after work drinks to which very few people came. 4 of my closest friends at work felt badly for me and did get me some wine and flowers. I am incredibly grateful to them.

I still feel angry about it from time to time. It doesn't take much to organise something simple but makes the person feel like shit when you don't.

Original poster
Happymothersday · 10/03/2013 13:30

A) other leavers got a big speech, champagne and flowers
B) i got on well with most of my colleagues and was always cordial to everyone

A few colleagues popped down to see me or collared me in the corridor to say how gutted they were that i was going.

But i would at least have expected my boss and my team members to gather round in an office to say Ta Ta, thanks and good luck. It's work etiquette, surely?

Oh well. Back to stuffing my chops on mothers day chocolate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happymothersday · 10/03/2013 13:32

And hugs to all those who have had similar experiences.

OP posts:
MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 10/03/2013 13:38

That's really mean of them not to organise anything when others have had speeches and presents. Years ago when I had DD1 my boss bullied me throughout pregnancy and told my colleagues that they weren't to organise any collections when I left, or any nights out. Horrible

MrsReiver · 10/03/2013 13:42

Oh YAsoooooNBU, I've been in your shoes!

I had been working at a nursery for a few years, and left on the last day of term before the summer holidays. On the last day we were having a big party for all the kids, lots of mums and dads milling around, a really lovely atmosphere. I went to help one little on in the toilet and happened to glimpse a large bunch of flowers, box of chocolates and a card in the store room next to the loos. Possibly naively I assumed they were for me.

At the end of the party, the senior member of staff gave her usual goodbye chat to the kids who would be moving up to school, saying how much she'd miss each of them but she was looking forward to getting to know all the new children.

Then she proceeded to talk about how they were having to say goodbye to someone else who would be missed and one of the mums came in with the flowers and chocs.

She gave them to a granny who had been coming in twice a week for six months to help in the afternoons.

I didn't even get a mention.

By the time the kids were leaving I was in floods, I couldn't even say goodbye to the children - I was so upset it would have just upset them.

OkayHazel · 10/03/2013 13:43

Don't expect = don't get disappointed.

Original poster
Happymothersday · 10/03/2013 13:43

Mrs reiver Shock
Oh
My
God
.........

OP posts:
ChestyNut · 10/03/2013 13:47

YANBU

Worked for same organisation for 14 years and have left after a temporary move. Haven't had my leaving drinks I arranged yet but have a feeling I may be back here with the same OP.

Greydog · 10/03/2013 13:47

I worked for the same company for 40 years, and was offered early retirement last year. We had to let HR know we wanted to go by the end of December and we were told that we would know by 20th Jan and our last day of service would be 31st Jan. Well, most people were told yes or know by then, but they were still thinking about me. I checked my emails every day - nothing. My boss came down on the Friday to say I could go, but unless you've got it in writing you don't believe them. Monday, nothing. Tuesday 31st Jan - email hits my in box - sent at 6.30 to say today is your last day. Boss comes down to office at lunch time to ask when I will be leaving and what in the office belongs to the company? Only me and my pass card. Told her I'd hand it in when I left. Which I did. And that was it. I felt really sad and let down.

Greydog · 10/03/2013 13:48

Mrs R -that's horrid - sorry to have crossposted!

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 10/03/2013 13:49

Mrs Now thats just cold, not even a mention, thats awful.

atthewelles · 10/03/2013 14:12

I can't believe some of the stories on here. Anywhere I've ever worked there's always been a collection and a card organised. In most places there would also be a lunch arranged or tea and cakes on the person's final afternoon. Drinks would be organised by the person themselves, but only if they wanted it.
When I was leaving my last job I actually said I didn't want a collection because there had been an early retirement scheme in the previous few months and so a lot of people had left and there had been an unusually high number of collections. The day I left I was presented with a generous gift cheque regardless.

YANBU OP. They sound extremely thoughtless.

starfishmummy · 10/03/2013 14:19

I left an office where I had worked a similar length of time. On my last day I realised the card and collection were being passed around in a hurry. The day after I left I was going abroad for several weeks.......they got me some flowers!!
My next door neighbour loved them.

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