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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is bullshit, and I need YOUR help to stop it.

40 replies

notsofrownieface · 06/03/2013 23:13

link to a fred sorry

It is just bullshit, misogynistic bullshit. I need your help.

Link to article what no means

OP posts:
Original poster
notsofrownieface · 06/03/2013 23:20

The long and short of it, is apparently a woman means yes if you approach sex right and a man means yes if a woman doesn't expect an orgasm Hmm

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 06/03/2013 23:25

Not quite sure why you felt the need to start a thread directing us to a thread you started half an hour ago. Hmm

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2013 23:25

I only sped read it but didn't it say 'multiple' orgasms?

Naysa · 06/03/2013 23:34

I don't really get why you're so heated you need to make two threads Hmm

IMO it's not that bad. It's not encouraging rape it's just highlighting the differences in the way men and women become aroused and their attitudes towards sex - albiet very briefly.

I honestly don't think it's worth two threads. Confused

Naysa · 06/03/2013 23:36

It's also written by a woman. I think this is why there is less about how men think.

SashaSashays · 06/03/2013 23:46

Can't see what your so worked up about. It provoked a bit of an eye roll from me as its a very cliched type of article but its hardly worth getting so heated over.

It's very similar to something I read not so long ago in (I think but not certain) Marie Claire, which was about "getting your man to go down" and other sexual acts when he had already said he didn't want to. Same concept.

Original poster
notsofrownieface · 06/03/2013 23:46

So no doesn't mean no then? Confused I realise that I have two threads running at the same time, I thought the subject matter was one that would get people as pissed off as I am, obviously not.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 06/03/2013 23:50

It's missing one word and that's 'can'

What no 'can' really mean when she says no to sex.

Other than that, imo she makes some valid observations.

MrsMushroom · 06/03/2013 23:50

Get real all of you people who can't see the problem here! The "writer" is an embarrassment. She's crapping on about "ladies let go of your expectation for multiple orgasms"

Why?

So men don't feel "pressure".

She's also toyed with an important right we have...the right to say no and mean it. when a woman says no she means fucking NO! There's no grey area and this knobhead is writing as though there is!

Naysa · 06/03/2013 23:50

When does it say no doesn't mean no?

The author is explaining why women say say no and how men's sexual advances make them feel. Nowhere in the article does it say "if she says no, go ahead anyway". What it's saying is "you got a no because abc so in future try xyz"

Or am I reading something different to you? Hmm

MrsMushroom · 06/03/2013 23:51

Worra go on....give me one valid observation.

MrsMushroom · 06/03/2013 23:52

naysa it does not HAVE to say "if she says no go ahead and do it" what it IS saying is that men should DOUBT the word no.

And when it comes to sex...they should not. of course they should not! No means NO when we're talking sex.

nailak · 06/03/2013 23:55

i read the article and i thought it was about how to get your wife in the mood, and that men are more visually stimulated then women and stuff?

nailak · 06/03/2013 23:56

it is like saying try and understand why she is saying no, in future you should initiate intimacy in this manner, ie less abrupt etc

nailak · 06/03/2013 23:56

no where does it say is what she really means is yes

MrsMushroom · 06/03/2013 23:57

Nailak If it was meant to be about how to get your wife or partner in the "Mood" then why not call it what it is?

Why frigging cast doubts over what a woman means when she says no....I'll tell you what I mean when I say no....I MEAN NO! Not maybe...not perhaps but NO!

MrsMushroom · 06/03/2013 23:59

Nail it doesn't HAVE to say what she really means is yes.

It's suggesting that the word NO could mean YES...it's saying "No could mean "open to suggestion"

Which is bollocks.

Naysa · 07/03/2013 00:05

MrsMushroom

"What she really means when she says 'no' to sex"

" acting abruptly on your impulses can put her under pressure and be real turn-off. Giving her time to warm up to the idea can change the whole course of your evening."

" But feeling suddenly groped isn’t always exciting for women."

IMO these are great suggestions and are in no way suggesting that a man should ignore what his partners say.

The article is saying that you got a no because of these reasons. Next time, try this and you are more likely to get a yes.

The title of the piece is What she really means when she says 'no' to sex. So the bit about why he says no is extra.

It's hardly claiming to be a comprehensive explaination of why your partner says no, exploring the variables, techniques and emotions. Hmm

WorraLiberty · 07/03/2013 00:05

Errm well considering multiple orgasms aren't exactly the norm...despite what many erotic novels/literature might have women believe...I'd say "ladies let go of your expectation for multiple orgasms", is pretty good advice.

If not fairly obvious advice but there you go.

MrsMushroom · 07/03/2013 00:06

Nayasa those observations are the frigging ABC of sex in this day and age. They're bloody irrelevant unless you're 15 and having sex education!

MrsMushroom · 07/03/2013 00:07

Bollocks I expect the best when it comes to sex. If I don't enjoy it then I'm not doing it. My body is too important for me to just let it get fucked out of politeness.

Naysa · 07/03/2013 00:07

No where does it say they shoud doubt he word no! Nor does it suggest it.

It gives the reasons why the man was rejected and gives tips for what to do IN THE FUTURE. That seems to be the vital bit that you're missing.

MrsMushroom · 07/03/2013 00:09

Nayasa the clue is in the title.....What she really means when she says no....nothing! She means NO!" There's no "really" about it!

Naysa · 07/03/2013 00:11

MrsMushroom what are you reading? It's a crappy Yahoo article written to fill space.

Stop behaving like it's being written as gospel.

No where doea it say that no means yes.

It's giving valid tips on how to improve the chance of having sex and also emphasing the way some actions impact you sexual partner and why they said no.

Darkesteyes · 07/03/2013 00:12

So the author is saying that as women we should let men have sex ON us rather than WITH us. Bollocks to that.

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