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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

please help me

45 replies

ditsydoll · 28/02/2013 11:59

I know this isn't an aibu but I really need someoneto help.

My daughter has dine a squeezing thing in the car since she was quite little, she's now 4 I have asked her why she does this and she just says it tickles her bum which I know is all pretty normal. We've tackled it by just saying bums are for private and that she shouldn't do it around people.

Last week I caught her doing a similar thing when I picked her up from nursery but just sat in a chair squeezing her legs together. When we got home I spoke to her about it and she seemed to understand but she won't stop, every time I pick her up now she's sat there doing it.
I'm so frustrated, what the he'll do I do?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 28/02/2013 12:03

I'm sorry, I'm not seeing the problem here?

She's just squeezing her muscles together?

littlewhitebag · 28/02/2013 12:03

Maybe try and ignore it? She probably knows she gets attention when she does this. Try and distract her with something else. Has the nursery mentioned that she does it when she is there?

littlewhitebag · 28/02/2013 12:04

I assume OP means her daughter appears to be getting some pleasure from this?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 28/02/2013 12:04

What is she doing? Squeezing her legs together?

I don't really see what the problem is tbh?

Original poster

ditsydoll · 28/02/2013 12:06

No nursery don't seem to have picked up on it or haven't spoken to me about it, she's not just squeezing her muscles together shes rocking round the chair squeezing her legs together so it will 'tickle her bum' as she put it.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 28/02/2013 12:08

Oh well, it's her bum to tickle isn't it?

I'm sorry but I still don't really see a problem.

littlewhitebag · 28/02/2013 12:08

Ignore, ignore, ignore. She will grow out of it. My DD used to do a similar thing when lying on the settee and she said it made her feel 'nice in her tummy'. SHe grew out of it by the time she went to school.

Binkyridesagain · 28/02/2013 12:09

I don't see a problem either.
Just ignore it.

Original poster

ditsydoll · 28/02/2013 12:10

Well there is a problem when she's basically playing with herself at nursery, she may not be using her hands but you can tell what she's doing.

OP posts:

littlewhitebag · 28/02/2013 12:12

She has merely discovered a nice convenient way to get pleasure. It is not wrong she is just doing it where you think she shouldn't. I still say ignore.

AmberLeaf · 28/02/2013 12:12

Its normal.

You have had the 'things we only do in private' chat.

Nursery are not concerned.

Just ignore it.

Original poster

ditsydoll · 28/02/2013 12:12

I'm trying to ignore it but it's just frustrating when I'm trying to explain while being as careful as possible to not make a big deal or an issue of what she's doing but nothing's working.

If she was a little boy playing with his bitsat school would you say the same thing?

OP posts:

Binkyridesagain · 28/02/2013 12:13

Do you honestly believe she is getting a sexual thrill from this?

Fleecyslippers · 28/02/2013 12:14

Reported.

Passmethecrisps · 28/02/2013 12:14

ditsy I wonder if you should ask for this to be moved to behaviour and development?

I can see why you are concerned but I do think it is likely to be something she grows out of. Ignore it or try to distract her when she starts doing it if you can

BookieMonster · 28/02/2013 12:15

Why is it a problem? She's found something that feels nice.

She'll work out that it's not appropriate in public and until then, please don't give her hang ups about the wonderful things she can do with her own body!

JohnBender88 · 28/02/2013 12:16

The way I see it she's discovered something that feels nice. She's not "playing with herself". Don't associate it with anything sexual, she doesn't know what that is.

Chances are you did something similar but just don't remember.

littlewhitebag · 28/02/2013 12:16

It won't be a sexual thrill in the way we think of it but it will be the same kind of tingly nice feeling.

If it was a boy with his hands down pants - same thing - have the 'not in public' chat then ignore.

TheSecondComing · 28/02/2013 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CockyFox · 28/02/2013 12:17

I would say the same boy or girl, most children do it and grow out of it. You have had a little chat about places being private - you have done all you need to do.

littlewhitebag · 28/02/2013 12:18

Why has someone reported this? OP has an issue which we are trying to help with. There is nothing wrong that i can see with this thread or the replies.

AmberLeaf · 28/02/2013 12:18

You have to ignore it.

You say you 'caught' her doing it, as if she is wrong to be doing such a thing?

What she is doing isn't wrong, but she will learn that there is a time and place for such things, but best to emphasise that point rather than focus on the act.

I have boys and they like all children were prone to fiddling, a simple ' we don't do that in the front room' or wherever.

Privates are private was what I used to say.

BookieMonster · 28/02/2013 12:18

BTW, as a mum of a 7 year old DS, they are always playing with their willies - at school, in the bath, watching telly... Same thing applies, a reminder that it's something to do in private.

AmberLeaf · 28/02/2013 12:19

She's not "playing with herself". Don't associate it with anything sexual, she doesn't know what that is

Yes /\ that.

Original poster

ditsydoll · 28/02/2013 12:22

Ok, iv chilled out abit. She's my first and suppose I just don't really know what is normal, I will just try better to ignore it I just feel frustrated and find the whole thing abit of an embarrasing subject but my mother has made me abit of a prude. I don't want that to rub off on her so I will just do as you have all suggested.

Thanks everyone, I'm obviously over reacting.

OP posts:

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