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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

please help me

45 replies

ditsydoll · 28/02/2013 11:59

I know this isn't an aibu but I really need someoneto help.

My daughter has dine a squeezing thing in the car since she was quite little, she's now 4 I have asked her why she does this and she just says it tickles her bum which I know is all pretty normal. We've tackled it by just saying bums are for private and that she shouldn't do it around people.

Last week I caught her doing a similar thing when I picked her up from nursery but just sat in a chair squeezing her legs together. When we got home I spoke to her about it and she seemed to understand but she won't stop, every time I pick her up now she's sat there doing it.
I'm so frustrated, what the he'll do I do?

OP posts:
CajaDeLaMemoria · 28/02/2013 12:24

This is really, really common. You'll probably find that nursery either haven't noticed (because it's so normal) or don't feel it's worth mentioning (because it's so normal).

Reminds me of that big uproar about kid's toys that seemed designed for this kind of thing - a vibrating harry potter flying wand was one, I think - and we had to start distributing materials that showed that is normal and okay, and should not be treated in a sexual manner or worried about.

She'll grow out of it. It's the same as other little habits kids get...sucking their hair etc.

Original poster
ditsydoll · 28/02/2013 12:27

Why has my post been reported :s I'm really just looking for some advice from other mums and dads who have maybe gone through this or can help me deal with it better than I am.. sorry if I have offended anyone.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 28/02/2013 12:27

Reported? Really?

Passmethecrisps · 28/02/2013 12:29

I think there has been some daftness elsewhere so a conclusion has been jumped to.

I suggested the thread should get moved as I was worrie you might get a hard time in AIBU

Original poster
ditsydoll · 28/02/2013 12:33

I don't really feel like iv been given a hard time, I like aibu for the brutal honesty. Thanks to everyone who has helped.

OP posts:
BookieMonster · 28/02/2013 12:34

Thanks OP, you're an AIBU poster that I like - asks a question, gets an answer you may not have liked or expected but takes it all on board. I like the cut of your jib. Your DD sounds completely normal, BTW, seriously.

soaccidentprone · 28/02/2013 12:35

ds2 did something similar (only more obvious 'cos he's a boy)

he said it felt nice. I said it was fine to do it in his room, but not on the sofa etc. I also told him it was perfectly OK to do it, but daddy doesn't sit watching TV playing with his willy because it's a private thing, ds1 doesn't do it, I don't do it, so we don't expect you to do it either.

he is now 11 and I don't think he plays with his willy any more, but he stopped doing it so obviously when he started school.

so basically have another chat, and then ignore.

Blipbip · 28/02/2013 12:39

very normal behaviour. I only have boys but they stick thier hands down their pants (these days its when they think no one is looking) but if I'm honest I can remember doing this as a little girl. I had no idea it was sexual it just felt nice.

Passmethecrisps · 28/02/2013 12:39

No, I don't think you have been given a hard time either.

I am pleased. Sounds like you knew what you were doing anyway. I am pleased you got some support

ScarletLady02 · 28/02/2013 12:42

I will echo what all the others have said, I wouldn't worry about it. If her behaviour was concerning at nursery they WOULD have said something to you about it...so if they haven't then they've obviously not noticed anything.

CalamityKate · 28/02/2013 12:44

I used to know someone who did the same thing from a similar age. Apparently it was some years before it occurred to her that using her hands worked better :)

Maybe have the "some things are for private time" chat but its really not that big a deal.

GeneHuntsMistress · 28/02/2013 12:59

Can I ask you all please - everyone seems to be referring to younger pre-school children. My dd is 6 and has recently (few months now) discovered "fidgeting" Grin I have been doing as everyone else - discussion about things we do in private etc etc and distraction. But can I ask if it's ok at this age? As it seems all this "they'll grow out of it" advice is aimed at pre-schoolers.

Please tell me I'm now worrying unnecessarily?!

hellsbellsmelons · 28/02/2013 13:11

My niece used to do this all the time. From the sounds of what you describe her way was much more 'obvious'.
Parents were told she would out-grow it and she did.
She was probably 7 or 8 when is just stopped.
Don't worry - it's very normal!

GeneHuntsMistress · 28/02/2013 13:16

Oh thank you hellsbells! I thought it was all normal etc and then reading this thread becoming more and more nervous that everyone was talking about much younger children....

Ill calm down now Smile thank you

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy · 28/02/2013 13:17

I have a friend who worked in a nursery and she's told me that she's witnessed a girl masturbating on things. Basically rubbing herself on things.

I guess its not completely unusual, I mean boys play with their penises until they have an erection from a young age and that must feel 'nice'. It cant be much different.

Its not something that deserved reporting. I dont know how you would deal with this OP sorry.

PiedWagtail · 28/02/2013 13:30

I remember doing this as a child Blush all totally normal. Don't worry!

hiddenhome · 28/02/2013 14:00

She probably has worms Hmm

Give her a worming tablet and it'll probably stop.

Loie159 · 28/02/2013 14:13

pls dont make he feel guilty for doing something innocently that feels nice to her. my DS like all little boys have a bit of a willie fixation at times and tells me it makes him feel fizzy (!!) so we just remind him its ok to want to feel nice, but its not something he should do with others or in front of others - Privates are for In Private! We just remind him he needs to go to his room / bathroom if he wants to do that. They become more aware the older they get and so she is unlikely to still be doing this in school. Dont make it into a big deal just remind her gently that its a private thing and leave it at that!

KellyElly · 28/02/2013 15:51

It's all natural. Kids explore their bodies. My 3 year old fiddles with her bits. Nothing to worry about.

CalamityKate · 28/02/2013 17:51

Loie my DS went through a stage of having a "fizzy" willy too! :)

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