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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Singing teachers child

56 replies

Cazzymaddy · 26/02/2013 14:09

AIBU with this? DD1 (15) started singing lessons in mid January- we found someone that was recommended to us and she does them in the back room of her house- 30 minutes session. On the first session, the teachers young child was left with me alone in the front room- she had toys to play with- I guess she was about 6years old but she wanted me to play with her- the excuse given was that she had not wanted to go to Grandmas that evening. On the second session, we changed our day so she was there again and I was alone with her. Last week, back to our normal day and she wasn't there as the teacher said her exH was messing her about with contact days, but she said she would be there next week. AIBU to think I am leaving myself wide open to be with her alone as I am essentially a stranger? I am thinking of sitting in the car outside tonight as I can't think of a way to phrase it to the teacher.

OP posts:

kalidanger · 26/02/2013 14:11

Sit in the car around the corner. you're very busy and can't babysit a strangers kid. How odd.

fluffyraggies · 26/02/2013 14:17

Very odd. I would say i had to 'pop' somewhere at the start of the lesson and and just re-appear outside in the car sometime before the end of the lesson. ie: you cant be relied upon to 'babysit'.

DD3 had maths tutoring all last summer and i hated milling around for an hour while it went on. Too long to sit outside in the car but not quite long enough to do something like the weekly shop.

Spent a fortune in Costas by the end but i'd still rather that than babysit the tutors kids!

MrsMushroom · 26/02/2013 14:20

Justg say "Must dash....see you in half an hour"...you don't need to tell her where you're going for goodness sake! She's the singing teacher...not your Mum!

Goldmandra · 26/02/2013 14:27

I don't think you are taking any risks by being alone with her. Lots of people do that all the time.

I wouldn't mind it a bit if she was well behaved so wouldn't see it as a problem. However it's probably not very professional of the teacher to have her own child in her care while teaching and I can see that people who don't much like the company of children might not be too pleased.

You could take some 'work' in with you as an excuse not to interact with her, be on the phone a lot or just go for a walk. I'm sure the little girl will find a way to entertain herself.

faulkernegger · 26/02/2013 14:27

I am a singing teacher, and sometimes my DCs are left on their own while I am teaching (depending on their father's work commitments). I would never dream of asking my pupil's parent to 'babysit'. Stay in the car, or make the most of your 30 mins!

NotADragonOfSoup · 26/02/2013 14:27

Just drop your DD at the front gate and leave. No interaction required.

NaturalBaby · 26/02/2013 14:29

It's not very professional of her. She needs to find some reliable childcare and not rely on the kindness of strangers.

Original poster

Cazzymaddy · 26/02/2013 14:29

Yes, I know what to say but don't really see why I should have to sit in the car when in effect I am paying her to teach my child and I could be sitting in her front room with a good book- after all she is essentially at work and I wouldn't expect to take my children to my main job and for other people to look after them. I don't think it's odd to consider child protection either.

OP posts:

NotADragonOfSoup · 26/02/2013 14:31

Well, in reality, you're paying her to teach your child to sing, not provide you with somewhere quiet to read

kalidanger · 26/02/2013 14:33

She's (the tutor) blithely trusting a stranger with her kid. Relying on TNE kindness of others. If it was a studio with a waiting room I doubt she'd leave the DC in the middle of the floor

Trouble is; perhaps if she's being let down a lot she might have to start cancelling lessons at the last minute. Not your problem of course.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 26/02/2013 14:33

What a cheek., the woman's child being in her own house!!

Just stay in the car then, it's no biggie is it!

Patchouli · 26/02/2013 14:35

I don't see why you have to sit in her front room just because you're paying for your DD's singing lesson. - It's kind of her to let you.
The little girl will be fine without you, you're not obliged to stay. Wait somewhere else, or your DD make her own way.

Original poster

Cazzymaddy · 26/02/2013 14:36

Ok I accept that but on the first session, I had expected to leave her but she offered for me to sit in the front room- and interaction is needed at some point as I have to arrange the next lesson. On a separate note, I plainly know nothing about singing lessons but is it normal to be taught using karoake on YouTube as her choirs at school use piano and sheet music, or doesn't it really matter how you get taught?

OP posts:

DeWe · 26/02/2013 14:38

My dc do various music lessons, and it wouldn't occur to me to ask to stay in the front room during the lesson. I stay in the car, or wander round the neighbourhood depending on temperature/how I feel/other dc.

I doubt she's relying on you to babysit. More you're in the room her dc is playing in. When I was little dm used to tutor with us in the house (age from 3, 6 and 9) and she used the back room deliberately to leave us the living room to play in. If someone had wanted to wait in there they would have had to share it with us and what we'd wanted to do. That's the advantage of tutoring from your house, you can do that.

Think about it, if you had a plumber in you'd think it was a bit cheeky for him to ask if his wife could come and read in your front room while he worked.

BarbarianMum · 26/02/2013 14:38

It is quite common for music teachers children to be in their own homes whilst lessons are going on. Of course you shouldn't be expected to babysit, but as long as the child isn't interfering with the lesson YABU to expect her not to be there.

You can just say you are going to read your book and not engage with her, or not stay in the house. Or find a new teacher.

The being worried about allegations being made against you is really sad a bit odd. Presumably the teacher is not worried about it or she wouldn't leave you alone with the child. Again, if it makes you uncomfortable, don't be there.

Bejeena · 26/02/2013 14:38

Can't your DD just make her own way there or you just drop her off?

NotADragonOfSoup · 26/02/2013 14:39

At 15 your DD should be more than capable of arranging the next lesson. Or you can arrange it when you pick her up.

BarbarianMum · 26/02/2013 14:39

music teachers' children

Original poster

Cazzymaddy · 26/02/2013 14:41

No its too far to walk but I will drop her off in future. I don't think it's sad or odd as I can't even work where I work without an enhanced CRB (And yes i know it's only a piece of paper) which is with strangers children.

OP posts:

TheChimpParadox · 26/02/2013 14:42

Wait in the car . That what I do when DS is having his music lesson. Your DD is old enough to be dropped off and ot escorted to the door- make sure she goes in and wait in car or park round corner .

DystopianReality · 26/02/2013 14:44

Obviously you have more than one 'beef' about this teacher.

I would change the teacher then you will be spared the atrocious trangression of this teacher where you have to interact with her child and you also might find a nice wholesome harpsichord teacher.
FGS, you do not have an entitlement to sit in this teacher's front room and if you made a tiny effort, you might even find you like her child.

Goldmandra · 26/02/2013 15:05

How does having an enhanced CRB protect you while you are with strangers' children?

You are at no more risk with this child than with your own, your friends' children or those you come into contact with at work.

The music teacher is on her own in a room with your child. Is she also taking an unacceptable risk?

holidaysarenice · 26/02/2013 15:17

Why are you even in the house?? Your dd is 15, she does not need her hand held! Go and do something else, or do you like helicoptering?

holidaysarenice · 26/02/2013 15:26

Why are you even in the house?? Your dd is 15, she does not need her hand held! Go and do something else, or do you like helicoptering?

Phineyj · 26/02/2013 15:30

I don't see why the 15 year old can't make her own way to the lessons (bus?) and why the lesson isn't at the same time every week, avoiding the whole issue, but hey.

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