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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Singing teachers child

56 replies

Cazzymaddy · 26/02/2013 14:09

AIBU with this? DD1 (15) started singing lessons in mid January- we found someone that was recommended to us and she does them in the back room of her house- 30 minutes session. On the first session, the teachers young child was left with me alone in the front room- she had toys to play with- I guess she was about 6years old but she wanted me to play with her- the excuse given was that she had not wanted to go to Grandmas that evening. On the second session, we changed our day so she was there again and I was alone with her. Last week, back to our normal day and she wasn't there as the teacher said her exH was messing her about with contact days, but she said she would be there next week. AIBU to think I am leaving myself wide open to be with her alone as I am essentially a stranger? I am thinking of sitting in the car outside tonight as I can't think of a way to phrase it to the teacher.

OP posts:

MajaBiene · 26/02/2013 15:31

If you want to stay in the house while your DD has her lesson then it's not weird that the teachers child is there.

If you don't want to interact with the child though, you can go off for a coffee or sit in your car.

BuiltForComfort · 26/02/2013 15:41

I would be more concerned about whether your DD will have an uninterrupted lesson if the teacher has her DD in the house whilst she tries to give lessons. some 6yr olds are fine at amusing themselves quietly but others wouldn't manage more than 5 mins without pestering their mum for something!

the Karaoke thing sounds a bit odd .. depends on what sort of singing and if she's training for exams I think.

DystopianReality · 26/02/2013 15:42

This is the music teacher child's house; it's her front room. It is truly beyond me to understand why the OP is objecting to this child being in her own house! You are the guest OP.

MrsMushroom · 26/02/2013 19:28

Other people are right about you not having to escort DD anymore...unless it's 20 miles or something she could get a bus. By 14 I was taking myself off to drama class on a weekend on two buses....around 8 miles from home...never had any bother.

Floggingmolly · 26/02/2013 20:51

Your dd is 15, not 5. Why do all the arrangements need to be made through you?

Dominodonkey · 26/02/2013 20:58

music teachers' children

How can you feel better? Unless there are multiple teachers it is still incorrect...

GrumpyKat · 26/02/2013 21:04

I think she's being rather nice opening her home to you actually. I'm a music teacher and I don't have the parents of my pupils sitting in my house- it's my house (unless I've known them and taught their children for years, that's different). And my dd is often at large in her own home whilst I am working, seeing as she lives there and everything. Sometimes, my husband is there too!

Picturesinthefirelight · 26/02/2013 21:13

Dh is a singing teacher who mostly teaches Musicsl theatre. Only in an emergency have our children been in the house without me there (once when I got held up and once in hdlf term when he had agreed to squeeze someone in who had an audition.

Despite being an excellent pianist he does often use backing tracks do that he can fully concentrate on the pupils singing rather than doing two jobs at once (playing and listening).

Picturesinthefirelight · 26/02/2013 21:15

It's not about the child being in her own house - it's about who has responsibility for her. The OP is paying for the undivided attention of the tutor.

My dd is 11 now so able to look after herself if need be.

toomuchicecream · 26/02/2013 22:14

I have looked after my DS's music teacher's toddler daughter two or three times. Every time I was texted in advance to ask if I would mind, and it was because the usual childcare had fallen through. The alternative would have been no lesson. Watching a DVD was fine. Putting her tea in the microwave and "encouraging" her to eat it was fine. It was when I suddenly recognised the way she was wriggling in her chair and matched it up with the number of pairs of small pants on the radiator....

tropicalfish · 26/02/2013 22:57

how good a singing teacher is she ? How well does your dd get on with her? How much does your dd enjoy and make the most of her singing lessons? How good are her qualifications? How much are you paying?
My dd has singing lessons with a teacher that comes to our house and I pay £30 for 45 mins. This is through an agency which takes a £5 cut.
Personally, I would be glad to be helpful to someone who was an excellent teacher who might otherwise be unable to teach. You have to be there anyway.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 26/02/2013 23:02

dominos if the statement refers to the notion of the children of music teachers in the abstract, then it is correct.

OP I have no idea why you are staying while the lesson happens? I would consider that quite strange.

Goldmandra · 26/02/2013 23:14

Why do so many people have a problem with the OP staying?

If I drive my DH to a GP appointment I would expect to sit in the waiting room while he sees the GP. Does that mean I am overprotective of my DH?

If it is too far to reasonably go home why wouldn't she wait?

LeeCoakley · 26/02/2013 23:30

I'd always wait in the car. A good book, the radio on and a bar of chocolate. Even a mug of tea if I'm really organised. Drop them off outside and then go in at the end to pick them up if a chat is necessary.

NotADragonOfSoup · 27/02/2013 08:03

Goldmandra I think most of the problem people have is that the OP has a problem with the child being in the living room of her own home. It's hardly the same as a doctor's waiting room.

youfhearted · 27/02/2013 08:11

i dont know why you are making a fuss. the 6 yearold girl is in her own home. you are in her home.
if you want to sit in her home be prepared to interact ornot. perhaps the music teacher does not want you there and this is her way of telling you, if you must come in, my dd is here.

youfhearted · 27/02/2013 08:12

FranKatzenjammer · 27/02/2013 08:26

Tropicalfish, I am also a singing teacher, and I'm afraid you are being ripped off.

teaforthree · 27/02/2013 09:12

Well now she knows where the teacher lives she can get herself there and back and you'll have a free half hour on mums net doing housework :)

mamalovesmojitos · 27/02/2013 09:26

Agree with general consesus. Of course the child is in her own house! You can wait in the car. Sounds like you just don't like the teacher though (drip feed about YouTube) so maybe you should just find a new one. It is ok to use karaoke backing tracks for singing lessons, of course it is.

Original poster

Cazzymaddy · 27/02/2013 09:26

I don't have a problem with her being in her own home- I have a problem with playing with her, as happened the first week when she was flinging herself off the side of the chair and asking me to pull her back by her legs. Anyway, waited in the car last night - there is not even a bus that goes from our house to hers- so no, this is not about helicopter parenting. And before anyone says, can she not walk, no it is too far- and yes, if there was a bus she could get it as she gets a bus every day to school, she does know how to use a bus. We cannot go the same day every week as I work shifts. We pay £12 for 30 minutes. It was not unusual to wait, as all other parents and grandmas etc seem to wait, as we have seen the people before and after us on 2 separate evenings. Anyway, thanks for all the advice and opinions.

OP posts:

12ylnon · 27/02/2013 10:13

TBH i think you're pretty odd for staying in the teacher's house while your DD is having a lesson.
I did singing and piano for 10 years when i was young, it wouldn't have occurred to my parents to come in. They used to go home if i was having an hour, or sit in the car and read. I don't recall any other parents staying either (my teacher's daughter taught too, so there were always lots of children coming in and out).
Can't you go for a coffee at a friend's every now and again?

Picturesinthefirelight · 27/02/2013 11:28

Dh teaches a lot if adults and often they have a friend/parent who has driven with them stay. It's not unusual especially ifcthecteacher does not live anywhere with public amenities as we do

Providing a waiting area be it a living room or kitchen or whatever is seen as part of the service.

Goldmandra · 27/02/2013 11:55

I think most of the problem people have is that the OP has a problem with the child being in the living room of her own home. It's hardly the same as a doctor's waiting room.

I'm not talking about her concerns about the child being present. I am talking about the bizarre idea that being in the house while the lesson is happening is helicopter parenting.

Parents don't wait in the living room during music lessons because they want to check up on the child/teacher. IME they generally sit in the living room (if it is offered) because it is warmer and more comfortable than sitting in a car.

It is the same as sitting in any building waiting for someone you have driven to an appointment. You find somewhere comfortable to wait for them whether they are a child or an adult.

Why is sitting in the car outside the house seen as more desirable or less helicopterish than sitting in the living room?

Sitting in the room where the lesson was taking place would be helicopter parenting.

PureQuintessence · 27/02/2013 12:00

Yab totally U
What on earth made you think that you could help yourself to sit and read in the tutors front room!? Did she tell you this was ok? If I was the tutor I would find this extremely rude!

Your dd is 15, can she not make her own way there and home?

To be honest, if you are making yourself comfortable in somebody elses house (do you ask for tea and biscuits? ) you can hardly complain that you share the space with a child who lives there.

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