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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Young boy committed suicide due to bullying.

61 replies

Lynned · 26/02/2013 08:49

In light of the above, whose parents were on Gmtv this morning, aibu to send this message to my Ds' bully.

'What you are doing to Ds on Xbox live is called cyber bullying. It is nasty, and how would you feel to be on the receiving end? I thought you lot were all mates, but sadly it all seems to have gone wrong. If it carries on I will dial 101 and get advice from the police. If it goes on at school I will contact your house master. Feel free to show this to your parents, but somehow I don't think you will. Think about it please, and go back to being the nice chap I know you really are.'

They are 11, and were friends at primary school. I appreciate friendship groups shift, but on Sunday night my Ds was almost physically sick about going back to school. They basically name call, especially as he likes to play Skylanders when they all play Cod. He has cod too, as I caved in to the pressure, andhe plays it at friends houses anyway. I have told him to block the name callers, but apparently they then can join in a game he is playing with another friend.

OP posts:
TheDeadlyDonkey · 26/02/2013 08:54

YANBU, but personally, I would take screenshots (is that possible on Xbox? Photos if necessary) and go to the police.

Sending him a message is just words on a screen. He needs a proper fright to stop him behaving like this.

Original poster
Lynned · 26/02/2013 08:59

Thank you for replying. Not sure about screen shots, the contact is verbal over the 'live' bit! I have emailed Ds form tutor to see how things are at school. This boy has previous, and I learnt yesterday that he is bullying another boy with hearing and speech difficulties. He is a typical bully, picking on kids lacking confidence.

OP posts:
theboob · 26/02/2013 09:03

I had this with ds1 when he started high school , he is very small for his age and this made him a target. It took him to fight back in the end on the school bus to get them to stop , not the way i wanted it to go but it seems to have worked .
He is good friends with one of them now and it took me a while to get used to this , i would contact the school as they take cyber bullying quiet serious where we live

rainbowrainbowrainbow · 26/02/2013 09:05

I wouldn't contact the boy directly.
School yes.
Parents possibly if I knew them and felt able to speak to them calmly.
Police depending on what is being said/done

Original poster
Lynned · 26/02/2013 09:08

Interesting, yes he is very small for his age, and the youngest int the year. When he was at infant school I used to have to drag him off the school gates. Hmm He walks to school with these boys, and in the first term ran home refusing to go back. I took him in and the school sorted it. In the London borough all schools have a resident police officer, I may contact him for help.

OP posts:
theboob · 26/02/2013 09:12

It can't hurt to ask his advice , my ds was being physically hurt every day and he would never fight back for fear of detension , it would continue onto xbox at home .Hope you get it sorted soon x

rollmopses · 26/02/2013 09:19

Much, much too mild.

Take screen shots, email him that you will be taking these to the police and are expecting him and his parents to be at the headmaster's office at whatever o'clock (speak to school first).

You have to cut such behaviour very swiftly and mean business.

Make yourself little oiks biggest nightmare.

squeakytoy · 26/02/2013 09:21

you cant take "screen shots", but you could use your iphone or similar to record/video it. However my course of action would be to stop him playing the live function on it in the first place.

AgentFelix · 26/02/2013 09:22

I would definitely involve the school and get advice from the resident police officer rather than send a message through Xbox Live. In my experience appealing to a bully's better nature is rarely successful.

Xbox Live is DS's (also 11) world [sigh] and I would ban it if it wouldn't break his heart. I am utterly sick of him relaying rude messages from other boys to me. On Sunday he received this "Sniff my bollock you smelly tramp" because he scored a 'sweaty' goal on Fifa 13 Confused. Blocking is pretty pointless because they can still communicate in parties.

I hope the school take it seriously.

TheChimpParadox · 26/02/2013 09:26

I would not make any contact with the bully - especially as he is a child himself - could open up a right mess for you in that respect.

Go to school and or parents initally.

Original poster
Lynned · 26/02/2013 09:30

I am literally shaking. I have just had bully's dad at my door. Bully showed the message to his dm, and she has gone mental. Dad said my message was also bullying. I said it wasn't, the message was sent just so he would stop. Bully is denying it, and dad says he didn't hear it so he has no proof, and I have to text him if it happens again. Wtf. I am still contacting school, but told him I will not name names, but if they ask my Ds, it's up to him.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 26/02/2013 09:30

No, don't send it. You need to go over the little twats head.

everlong · 26/02/2013 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheChimpParadox · 26/02/2013 09:35

Ah you've sent it - thought that might back fire on you - sorry.

Speak with school .

Original poster
Lynned · 26/02/2013 09:35

The chimp. Unfortunately you were right. I just want him to bloody stop. I thought it was the right thing. I always make such a bloody mess of things. Hmm

OP posts:
chartreuse · 26/02/2013 09:36

Go to the school, put everything in writing. You need to have a paper trial to show you have followed the correct proceedures. Look at the school's anti-bullying policy and make sure they stick to it.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 26/02/2013 09:37

Sounds like you're being bullied slightly now by this Dad if you've told him you won't name names to the school. What was conversation with this boy's Dad like ? Not good that it left you shaking ?

Sending you all good wishes for getting this sorted, and without aggravation for you, for the sake of your DS.

I would talk more with the school I think. HTH

AgentFelix · 26/02/2013 09:40

Your message isn't bullying at all. You haven't made a mess of things.

Get school involved ASAP and DO name names.

pinkje · 26/02/2013 09:45

Don't be too hard on yourself Lynned, the thing needed to be brought into the open which it now has. Hope your son moves onwards from this.

Original poster
Lynned · 26/02/2013 09:46

Thank you for your support. The dad wasn't shouting, but his manner was slightly threatening. I asked him into the house, as I have known them for a long time. The reason I didn't contact them is because I didn't want to cause a big fuss, I thought my message would be enough for the boy to think about his actions.

OP posts:
JugglingFromHereToThere · 26/02/2013 09:51

Not good that dad's manner was slightly threatening to you.
He should have been apologising to you for his son's behaviour IMO !
And doing everything he can to make things right for your son - even more so as the boys used to be good friends Sad

TheChimpParadox · 26/02/2013 09:51

Hope you get it sorted . x

Maryz · 26/02/2013 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenaiMorris · 26/02/2013 09:53

I'd be pretty pissed off if an adult sent that message to my son, sorry. Especially if they weren't able to produce any evidence.

Sadly bullies' parents are often either in denial or just clueless. Sometimes they claim that they're the ones being bullied (we've had this - it was bizarre) and sometimes children manipulate situations to get people into trouble especially when they know they're sailing close to the wind themselves.

ZZZenAgain · 26/02/2013 09:57

a friend of mine had problems with her dd being bullied by a group of boys at school. The school did not intervene effectively to help and the parents were not interested either. In the end she went to the police with it. I think this is what you should do, record what you can, take in your evidence and see what they have to say about it.

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