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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really upset about this?

103 replies

extremepie · 24/02/2013 18:30

My parents have just phoned to tell me they are coming for a surprise visit in 3 days time.

Ok, little bit annoyed that we didn't have more time to prepare but we moved to a different part of the country just before Christmas so I haven't seen them in about 6 months and am happy that they will be visiting, especially since DS really misses them.

The problem us DH doesn't exactly get on with my parents and basically had a massive screaming fit when he found out saying that he has no say in what happens in his own house. He is now demanding that I phone them back and tell them they can't come.

Essentially he is making me choose between offending my parents or upsetting him.

AIBU to be upset? What should I do?

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 24/02/2013 18:33

he SCREAMED at you - what a twat

regardless of the ins and outs he is being VVU

Earlybird · 24/02/2013 18:34

Can they afford to stay in a hotel or B&B? That way, you could maybe see them on your own? Or bring them to the house when your dh isn't there?

You say your dh doesn't get on with them. Do they like him?

Cherriesarelovely · 24/02/2013 18:34

Your dh sounds as if he is being rather dramatic! They are your parents, you haven't seen them in 6 months. He is being ridiculous.

Earlybird · 24/02/2013 18:34

Yes, agree with gordy. Having a screaming fit does seem extremely OTT.

Kat101 · 24/02/2013 18:36

Can you give us some background?

Branleuse · 24/02/2013 18:36

can you go to them for a visit, and then when you get home afterwards, LTB

SoleSource · 24/02/2013 18:36

You haven't seen your parents because your DH doesn't like them? Is that the real reason?

SparklyAntlersInMyDecorating · 24/02/2013 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Nanny0gg · 24/02/2013 18:37

Um.
Is there a little bit more of a back story? Cos otherwise that's a hell of an over-reaction.

HecateWhoopass · 24/02/2013 18:37

It's hard to say really. How are your parents? Are they good people? Is your husband horrible? Are your parents interfering and treat your husband badly?

Without knowing why the situation is how it is, it's really impossible for any of us to advise, imo.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 24/02/2013 18:37

Your parents ABU for not giving you a sensible amount of notice of their visit (assuming their visit involves an overnight stay).

Your husband is being unreasonable to shout at you but I would not be happy if my in laws turned up for an extended stay unexpectedly either. I get very anxious if things are sprung on me and maybe your DH is like me.

If your DH is very against your parents staying I'd say to them it's not convenient (or not convenient for more than a day visit) and then discuss with your DH when they can come.

ChristmasJubilee · 24/02/2013 18:37

How old is ds. Is he in school. I would go to your parents to stay for a couple of weeks and then discuss it with dh again!

Possiblyoutedled · 24/02/2013 18:38

I have legendary pil problems (name changed) but I never tell dh they cannot come to our home I discuss what would work better for us. I would never scream at him about it. I love him and he loves his parents.
Can't blame him for that.

CwtchesAndCuddles · 24/02/2013 18:39

He sounds controlling.

He is being very unreasonable - is there a backstory to why he doesn't like your parents?

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 24/02/2013 18:41

Your parents are extremely impolite to phone up and 'tell you' they are coming for a visit in 3 days time.

Do your IL's do this too? And you are happy to accommodate them at a moments notice?

If it were my parents/IL's I'd expect a request to visit, with a few suggested dates. Then my DH and I would speak to each other and decide which date suited us best.

If I came home and my DH 'told me' that his folks were coming to stay in 3 days time... Well I wouldn't be wearing my happy face.

usualsuspect · 24/02/2013 18:41

They are your parents,parents shouldn't have to book an appointment weeks in advance to visit their own family.tell your DH to jog on.

Lafaminute · 24/02/2013 18:43

I cannot bear my MIL who has been horrible to dh, my parents, even dd when she was a baby and me. She's a spoilt, egotistical bag and I do not enjoy having her in my house. But every christmas I have her and one other time during the year, plus I bring the children to visit her weekly - and my parents have had her to stay too. We do it because she is DH's mother and we all love him and for no other reason. I must say I would feel like behaving like your dh if mine announced his mother was coming to stay but I try my best to swallow it (we've been together 20 years and I am only just getting good at this to be fair) because it is not that often. Try and get your dh to compromise that two (for example) visits per year is not that often for him to have to put up with them and he can arrange to be out of the house most of the time. One of the reasons I adore my dh is because he is SO good to my parents & family and friends - I sympathise with you OP - your situation must be difficult.

XiCi · 24/02/2013 18:43

He screamed at you and told you they cant come?

Unless your parents are Fred and Rosemary West that is just vile behaviour.

Especially since you havent seen them for 6 months and your DS missed them. What an absolute twat he is being.

SilverClementine · 24/02/2013 18:43

They're all being unreasonable. Your parents surely should ask if It's convenient to come for a visit at such short notice, at which point i'd expect a discussion with DH to see if It's ok by both of you.

Your DH was unreasonable to have such a hissy fit, but ultimately your parents are being more unreasonable for putting you in this situation.

LindyHemming · 24/02/2013 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 24/02/2013 18:46

They're not DP's parents though. I think they should definitely give a sensible amount of notice and DP should have the chance to say it's not a good time for him. It is his house too. Different if they are only coming in the daytime but for an overnight visit I'd expect a couple of weeks' notice and the possibility of saying it's not convenient without them being upset.

mynewpassion · 24/02/2013 18:47

Yep, courtesy to ask if its convenient to come. Depending on distance, they might be a couple of overnights involved. If it involves overnight, your parents are the ones being unreasonable.

A couple hours visit only that makes your DH the unreasonable one.

usualsuspect · 24/02/2013 18:48

Then my idea of family is clearly very different to most on MN.

hwjm1945 · 24/02/2013 18:49

V hard,sympathize with him as not nice being told who is coming to stay rather than being consulted....but we all have our crosses to bear...I am coming to the end of a 4 day stay by my in laws in which they treat the stay like a.....also mini break,read papers and ignore kids unless they reading aloud or . Playing instruments....can't bear it but put up with it twice a year.

usualsuspect · 24/02/2013 18:50

Why doesn't he like them?

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