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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About going back to work

50 replies

BimbaBirba · 18/02/2013 14:43

I'm going back to work tomorrow after one year on maternity leave. It's a brand new job with a brand new company.
Last week I wrote to the person who's going to be my manager to ask if she'd let me work reduced hours for the first week because my LO is not settling in at nursery and I've been asked by nursery staff to give him another week on reduced hours.
This morning my manager rang me to say that if I can't work my full hours from tomorrow I'm afraid she will have to withdraw the offer of employment.
Is it "fair enough" or a bit harsh?
I'm a bit in shock tbh Sad

OP posts:
HoHoHoNoYouDont · 18/02/2013 14:44

Sorry, I think YABU. I think it's a case of 'fair enough'.

CheddarGorgeous · 18/02/2013 14:46

You asked to reduce your hours on your first week of work? Sorry, YABU.

But I hope it goes well and your DC settles - good luck :)

HollyBerryBush · 18/02/2013 14:47

If it was your previous employer and you were well thought of, you'd knowwhether you could ask for this or not.

To ask for reduced hours with a new employer before you have started - that does come under the category of 'coming it'.

Unfortunate, but people are running businesses.

WorraLiberty · 18/02/2013 14:47

Sorry but I think it's fair enough too from the company's POV...although it's obviously very tough for you.

It's not a great start is it?

Original poster
BimbaBirba · 18/02/2013 14:49

Not a great start. I genuinely thought it'd be ok. Sad

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 18/02/2013 14:50

I can't believe you asked them for time off your first week!

If your baby isn't settling at nursery your husband needs to take some leave to cover it.

This is a new job.

You need to make a good impression.

It sounds like you've really pissed them off.

lljkk · 18/02/2013 14:53

Can your child's father take 2 half days instead?

AThingInYourLife · 18/02/2013 14:53

You need to stop thinking about this as "going back to work after maternity leave".

You are starting a new job with a new company.

The fact that you have spent the last year on maternity leave is nothing to do with them.

HazleNutt · 18/02/2013 14:56

Fair enough - if this is something you wanted, you should have brought it up during the hiring process.

Bejeena · 18/02/2013 15:01

Honestly sometimes you think you've seen/read it all but things on here never cease to amaze me.

Of course they are going to think you are seriously taking the mick if you ask to do reduced hours in first week!

CheungFun · 18/02/2013 15:02

I do sort of agree with the company and other posters as it's a new job and it's your first week, but if it was me in your situation with such a blunt response from the company I'd be wondering what they'd be like if you had to take time off if your LO was ill or needed to be taken to a dr's appointment etc.

I had to leave work early on my first two days back as DS was I'll at nursery with a high temperature. It wasn't the greatest start, but it helped knowing that my team leader was a mum herself and she understood that there wasn't anything I could do about it and that I felt bad enough already!

PrincessRagnhild · 18/02/2013 15:02

YABU I'm afraid. Asking for time off in your first week is not the way to make a good impression - it makes it look like your new job is way down on your list of priorities - which would be fair enough with your LO, but you need to at least try to show your employers that you are prepared to make an effort for them. They are investing in you after all.

Original poster
BimbaBirba · 18/02/2013 15:06

I felt I could ask because the following week I agreed to go on two days training which will mean I'll have to work longer hours. So I thought she wouldn't mind if I worked shorter hours the first week and made them up the week after.
My DH has a very demanding job and he's already covering for me next week when I'm training. That's why I was reluctant to ask him to take time off this week too but I guess I have no choice.
I am really worried now in case my LO is ill or I need to take time off for other emergencies.

OP posts:
minibmw2010 · 18/02/2013 15:09

It's difficult but this is a NEW job, one where you're (I assume) on probation for a fixed period? This is not the way to give a good impression, sorry.

whattodoo · 18/02/2013 15:11

With any luck, you will find your new employer to be fair in the future when your child is sick etc.

But you need to build up some goodwill first.

And you should be getting uh into the mindset that childcare is both parents' responsibility, not just yours and the ocassional favour from DH

PrincessRagnhild · 18/02/2013 15:12

They might be okay with you taking time off for emergencies once you've settled in and built up some goodwill. It's just that asking for time off before you've even started the job (unless it was agreed before they offered you the job) looks really bad and unprofessional.

I don't quite get your calculation re. having to work longer hours in the second week due to training. Are you saying that because you're having to work longer hours the second week, you should get to work shorter ones during the first week?

SullenCrescent · 18/02/2013 15:18

"That's why I was reluctant to ask him to take time off this week too but I guess I have no choice."

Why do you need to ask him to take time off, it is his child and his responsibility as much as yours, you should be planning your return to work and child care arrangements together.

Tailtwister · 18/02/2013 15:23

I agree, your DH needs to take on more of the childcare during the first few weeks. I can understand why you want to work reduced hours and if it was an existing job you were returning to then it wouldn't be an unreasonable request. However, it's a new job and they really need to see your commitment.

I think there could be more understanding from people on this thread though. Returning to work after 1 year's mat leave is daunting enough, but a new job is an additional stress. You'll be fine OP. It will be hard, but put your faith in your DH and let him take the strain off you for a few weeks.

Original poster
BimbaBirba · 18/02/2013 15:30

Thank you. I was feeling nervous about going back before and now I'm biting my nails thinking I've ruined it Sad
It's not DH's fault at all. He's very understanding and will do his best to help but my job doesn't pay the bills, his does. He's also away a lot so can't always help out.

OP posts:
WhatsTheBuzz · 18/02/2013 16:15

wow,
that's really stressful for you. Yabu but obviously not your fault and
for this reason I think some posters should have tried to empathise more
and not be so presumptious about the situation with your DH!

NatashaBee · 18/02/2013 16:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChewinTheFat · 18/02/2013 16:32

Why shouldn't she tell her employer her wage doesn't pay the bills? Just out of interest, not that I think anyone would voluntarily divulge that info to an employer.

It's a big ask op on your first week on a new job. Hope your dc settles in well and good luck with the job :)

WipsGlitter · 18/02/2013 16:35

I actually had to do this in my first week of a new job and they were fine about it. The fact you are being flexible the following week and they're not reciprocating is a bit off. What sort of job is it?

Mandy21 · 18/02/2013 16:49

I also think its gets things off on the wrong foot. Even the most flexible of employers will be wondering whether its a sign of things to come (rightly or wrongly) and that you'll need be asking to change your hours etc at regular intervals. Unfortunately, I think it does demonstrate that you don't see the job as a priority within the family unit if you're asking for changes even in the first week. I agree with other posters that you (and your DH) should have made arrangements so someone else picked up any childcare issues for the first couple of months.

OTTMummA · 18/02/2013 16:51

YABU! It is a new job, you need to build up a relationship of goodwill before you can ask for flexibility like this,,, or next time ( if you find another job down the line ) you could always negotiate your hours for the first 2/3 weeks, which is what I did.
I tend to find employers prefer it when you enter a job with yourself and your other responsibilities organised and are more than often willing to adjust things a little if you are upfront at the interview.

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