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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About going back to work

50 replies

BimbaBirba · 18/02/2013 14:43

I'm going back to work tomorrow after one year on maternity leave. It's a brand new job with a brand new company.
Last week I wrote to the person who's going to be my manager to ask if she'd let me work reduced hours for the first week because my LO is not settling in at nursery and I've been asked by nursery staff to give him another week on reduced hours.
This morning my manager rang me to say that if I can't work my full hours from tomorrow I'm afraid she will have to withdraw the offer of employment.
Is it "fair enough" or a bit harsh?
I'm a bit in shock tbh

OP posts:

Original poster

BimbaBirba · 18/02/2013 17:05

It's a low paid charity job.
Of course I won't tell my employer that DH's job pays the bills and mint doesn't! I may have been silly to ask about reduced hours in the first week but I'm not completely stupid! She's probably figured that out anyway!

OP posts:

ChewinTheFat · 18/02/2013 17:06

With regard to Childcare issues, sometimes things go wrong, single parents with no family to rely on if child is ill. It's all very well and good saying you need to give 100% to your work commitments in a new job but sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do about it and to a certain extent employers do need to understand this (which most do) I realise the op has a dh and its different. I just feel that if you have kids, yes try to be as organised with Childcare etc as possible but sometimes it's not as easy as that.

valiumredhead · 18/02/2013 17:10

YABU

I hope it goes ok and your LO settles, mud be very hard.

Angelico · 18/02/2013 17:14

You need to stop thinking about this as "going back to work after maternity leave". You are starting a new job with a new company. The fact that you have spent the last year on maternity leave is nothing to do with them.

^^ This. But I am sympathetic that it's a bit awkward.

fromparistoberlin · 18/02/2013 17:15

"My DH has a very demanding job"

thats not going to help you OP, you BOTH have demanding jobs

as trust me if you take all the slack for sick days, not him it will piss them off big time

sorry, we have not helped! But think about it, as you really do need to speak with DH

maybe a pre-meptive measure is to think about buying in some parental leave to cover emergencies

GOOD LUCK!!!!

missmapp · 18/02/2013 17:15

I started a new job 'after' ( well old job, but new boss who didnt know me) maternity leave and had to build up goodwill before calling in favours- for the first few times dc were ill, dh took time off, then , after about 6 mths, I asked for time for a hosp appt for ds1 and all was ok, by then they knew I would make up the time and then some. Put this down to bad luck, let dh cover and then show them yoyu are worht it !!
BTW - althougth the training course is longer hours for you, from their point of view, you are not in the office, so that probably makes it worse, not better!!

attheendoftheday · 19/02/2013 02:20

I agree with other posters that it's not a good way to make the right impression when starting a new job.

However, I think you have some right to a certain amount of unpaid parental leave in the first few years of your child's life (though possibly someone better informed can correct me). I'm not sure even a new job can withdraw a job offer on those grounds. What if you were a single parent and your dc were ill?

Personally I would still be asking your dp to take the time off this time, though.

Want2bSupermum · 19/02/2013 02:43

I am in a similiar position to you OP in that my DH is the main earner and my income, while still a good income, is much lower than DH. However, I make DH pull his weight. It is important to me that DD see DH and I both working in and outside of the home.

Now is the time to set the tone with your DH and it starts with him stepping up next week. I had to be tough with mine (he wanted me doing pick up and drop off when he finishes work at 4.30pm and I finish as late as 8-9pm and would have to neigotiate a flexible working plan) and I am very happy that I was. He always pushes back but you have to get him invovled now otherwise you will run yourself ragged.

ChairmanWow · 19/02/2013 07:34

I know it's probably a bit late to be saying this, but why didn't you settle him before you were due to start work? I started this process 3 weeks before returning to work so I had a clear run and no worries on my first week back. It's my responsibility, not my employer's. You will also need a certain amount of goodwill because there you will need to dash off whrn he's ill/had a fall etc - as, I hope, will your DH. I guess you probably realise now that this wasn't the best start so I won't add anything else.

Hope it goes well for you.

lljkk · 19/02/2013 09:52

I imagine OP has been trying to settle him, CW, but extra costs come into the settling period not easy when OP is low paid, and then nurseries do unhelpful things like completely rotate the staff around on your child's first day (they did that to me & 10month old DS , took him a month to stop crying every day).

Tailtwister · 19/02/2013 09:55

I agree lljkk. Some children take ages to settle and OP is doing her best. Of course this job isn't OP's priority, her child is. I don't know anyone who puts their work ahead of their child.

maddening · 19/02/2013 11:10

She probably wants to make sure you don't set a precedent for time off etc

ChairmanWow · 19/02/2013 11:16

Fair 'nuff. I've just reread the OP and you're right lljkk re the settling in period, though regarding finances I thought OP's partner was the main wage earner. Guess I was lucky with DS nursery, he had a linkworker assigned to him all day until he was feeling more confident which made settling in much smoother.

Difficult situation really. I know your child is your main priority, but the need for a job is pretty important too, at least to most of us. Is there any chance they can give you a bit of leave - maybe a couple of hours a day, just to allow DC to settle? I can kind of see where your employer is coming from in that they don't want unreliable employees, but I wouldn't have thought some annual leave would kill them?

Bramshott · 19/02/2013 11:25

The key thing here is that you've been "asked" by nursery staff to do another week of reduced hours. I'm afraid I'd be saying to them "sorry, I start work next week, I'm afraid that's not possible".

Goldenhedgehog · 19/02/2013 11:31

"He's very understanding and will do his best to help"

It's not "help" when it's your own child. And "understanding" implies its your problem that he is understanding of, rather than an issue for you both jointly.

You need to make sure from the start that time off for your child's illnesses is shared 50-50. Just because your employer happens to pay you less for your job than your DHs employer pays him for his, doesn't mean they should have to bear the brunt of childcare disruption. Always or mostly taking time off yourself rather than sharing the burden with your DH is a fast route to irritating them.

Original poster

BimbaBirba · 19/02/2013 15:16

Thank you for all your messages.
I've just come home to find my DS very happy with his daddy and as soon as he saw me he started toddling towards me with open arms, literally . It must be one of those moments that I'll remember forever!
At work it couldn't have gone better. My manager was very nice and she went to great lengths to explain why it wasn't possible for me to work shorter hours this week.
I just wanted to clarify that the childcare issues are beyond my control and definitely not due to being disorganised or leaving it to the last minute. He was going to go to a different nursery (as you can see if you search my previous posts) which proved very bad during the settling in sessions so I've had to find somewhere else with only two and a half weeks before going back to work. In addition, he's been very poorly as I was trying to settle him in the new nursery so we've had to miss quite a few sessions. I think he's actually coping ok all considered.
Anyway, thanks to all of you who have shown empathy and support! Things are looking much better today

OP posts:

maddening · 19/02/2013 15:31

What did she give as the reasons?

maddening · 19/02/2013 15:32

Ps good first day - the worst bit is done :)

Twattergy · 19/02/2013 16:01

This thread reminds me of good advice I had and heeded on returning to work. Pre-arrange for your first few weeks back to be short week, either, say 3 days a week for a few weeks, or shorter days. Use holiday allowance for this. This helps the return to work anxiety, helps with kids settling into child care and generally eases the transition. Done well in advance there is no reason why an employer would say no to this. Sorry it's too late for you OP...first few weeks toughest of child care, then it gets easier/the new normal...

coraltoes · 19/02/2013 16:25

Great news bimba, good luck for the new job

AThingInYourLife · 19/02/2013 19:22

Great news, so glad to hear it went well :)

Boboli · 19/02/2013 19:50

Good to hear the first day went well, OP and hope that the new job goes well.

For what it's worth, I work in HR and I think it wouldn't have killed them to find a compromise to help you out on your first week. From a commercial point of view, they've gone through the process and expense of recruiting you and ran the risk of completely demotivating you by this rather unnecessary abrupt response. This could have led to you having second thoughts at this late stage (more expense for them to replace you) or they end up with a disengaged new starter on their hands, less productive, less bought in to the company, less likely to stick around for long (more expense again).

No-one works at 100% productivity on their first week - it wouldn't have been the end of the world.

Want2bSupermum · 19/02/2013 20:04

Glad to hear your first day went well. It is already water under the bridge so move on. I would make sure you have a dicussion about how you will divide your time off if your DC is sick. It happens a lot!

Want2bSupermum · 19/02/2013 20:05

Sorry - discussion with your DH...

CheddarGorgeous · 19/02/2013 20:52

Really glad it went well, best of luck :)

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