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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to see my sons new girlfriend?

72 replies

Emmatheratbag · 17/02/2013 21:49

He has had a few girlfriends, and I never met them, but with his latest girlfriend he has spent a few week-ends at her home. Sometimes I need to know if he is coming home as I need to secure the doors. All of our friends ask if I have met her yet, ( no pressure there then!) as they know he is living with her at the week-ends. One of our friends has 'friended' her on FB so they can know more about them than I do! Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 17/02/2013 21:50

Have you asked him if he is going to bring her round to meet you?

smellysocksandchickenpox · 17/02/2013 21:53

yup YABU,

perhaps they would be more relaxed about her meeting you if you were less... eager (not quite right word)

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 17/02/2013 21:54

How old is he?

He might not be ready to introduce her to you yet. I'd let him do it in his own time tbh.

Original poster
Emmatheratbag · 17/02/2013 21:55

Yes several times. Oh she is busy, or we don't need/want a formal meeting do we? I'm afraid tonight on a fleeting visit for a change of clothes, I did say that I had found it quite humiliating for me to answer questions from my friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emmatheratbag · 17/02/2013 21:56

He is 29.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 17/02/2013 21:58

His private life is none of your business - he will bring home 'the one' when he's ready.

smellysocksandchickenpox · 17/02/2013 21:59

"Yes several times"

"I did say that I had found it quite humiliating for me to answer questions from my friend"

yeah! I can see why they stay away. Chill out and care less about their buisiness and they might open up more

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 17/02/2013 22:02

I thought you were talking about a 17/18yo.

YAB totally U. He is an adult, I assume he has a house key should he need to get in, you questioning when he will be home will be totally humiliating for him, and he is grown up enough to introduce his girlfriend when he wants to. Just tell your friends you haven't met her yet, its no big deal.

Original poster
Emmatheratbag · 17/02/2013 22:05

Ok thanks Ill chill. He normally lives at home, I'm probably being a little sensitive because of this. Also another fly in the ointment is that he has met her parents and will be staying with them for a night next week. I'm just feeling left out I suppose?

OP posts:
FelicityWasCold · 17/02/2013 22:06

29?

29?

Yes YABU

TheNebulousBoojum · 17/02/2013 22:08

YABU, but talk to him and say how you feel, and that you'd like to be included.
Then he can make the choice.

usualsuspect · 17/02/2013 22:10

It's awful feeling left out,I hope you get to meet her soon.

akaemmafrost · 17/02/2013 22:10

I would want to meet her too and I would say so but in a nice way "she sounds very nice, I would love to meet her ds". However YABU to get too bothered about it. Has to be in his time really.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 17/02/2013 22:12

Oh fgs.

I thought you were going to say he was 16.

29? YABU.

rodandtheemu · 17/02/2013 22:13

Wow.........
< sits back pours Wine and waits for crazy MIL thread>

deleted203 · 17/02/2013 22:13

Oh Golly. I'd assumed he was a teen. I reckon at 29 he'll introduce you to girlfriends as and when he feels like it. I might casually say, 'I'd love to meet her sometime,' and leave it at that. But I wouldn't be concerned if I didn't get an introduction.

usualsuspect · 17/02/2013 22:16

I would be curious about her,who wouldn't? ,but I wouldn't stress too much

Maryz · 17/02/2013 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollyBerryBush · 17/02/2013 22:19

I do find it bit creepy your friend has befriended her on FB in order to 'know more than you'.

AnyFucker · 17/02/2013 22:20

oh, fgs

Hmm
Tweasels · 17/02/2013 22:22

I think it's reasonable to want to know and meet someone who is going to be a big part of your son's life regardless of how old he is.

It's probably not reasonable to put pressure on him though.

Tell friends you are giving them space and to keep their noses out and bide your time. If it's serious, you will meet her...eventually.

CatsRule · 17/02/2013 22:22

If his relationship is going to go somewhere I would be careful how you come across about this...I see your point but he is an adult and there is bothing worse than an overbearing boys mum!

I suppose as well it depends how close a relationship you have with your son, has he done this before, do you come across in a way that he might be worried to introduce you?!

I'm inclined to say yabu but I can see how you feel awkward about other people reporting on your sons relationship that you know little about.

WorraLiberty · 17/02/2013 22:24

It's natural to want to meet her (in their own time)

But I'm getting the impression you're put out that other people are getting to meet her/getting to know her before you.

That's not the best reason really.

annh · 17/02/2013 22:24

Why would your son's girlfriend even accept a friends request on FB from a friend of her boyfriend's mother? Are people in the habit of accepting random requests from people they don't know? If so, why don't you send her a friends request? It couldn't be any more bizarre than this one-upmanship which you and your friends seem to be playing with each other!

However, does no-one else think it's a bit odd that your son has reached the age of 29 and you have never met any of his girlfriends? What, never?

Original poster
Emmatheratbag · 17/02/2013 22:33

CatsRule.
Absolutely, I feel bad when they tell me what he is doing, what's it got to do with them .......or me!

OK I have been put right now thank you.

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