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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask to see my sons new girlfriend?

72 replies

Emmatheratbag · 17/02/2013 21:49

He has had a few girlfriends, and I never met them, but with his latest girlfriend he has spent a few week-ends at her home. Sometimes I need to know if he is coming home as I need to secure the doors. All of our friends ask if I have met her yet, ( no pressure there then!) as they know he is living with her at the week-ends. One of our friends has 'friended' her on FB so they can know more about them than I do! Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Pendipidy · 17/02/2013 22:33

Maybe its a BOY friend!

Original poster
Emmatheratbag · 17/02/2013 22:39

Pendipidy

No def a g/friend!

OP posts:
Hissy · 17/02/2013 22:42

Your 'friends' are weirdos!

Why do they want or need to know the ins and outs of some poor woman's life?

I hope to GOD that she finds out about this, and RUNS like the wind!

Your ADULT son is entitled to a life, you can't do this to him!

HollyBerryBush · 17/02/2013 22:43

TBH I would say to DS 'you know you have XYZ on FB? Shes a nosey old bat, keeps telling me you were at XYZ, be a love and delete her, she's spying on you'

thing is, if you keep building up meeting her in your head, then it becomes an issue and the whole experience when it happens is likely to far too formal.

Wolfiefan · 17/02/2013 22:50

29? OMG! I thought this was about a 17 year old.
What relevance does it have that you need to know whether to "secure the doors". All sounds a bit odd.

Salmotrutta · 17/02/2013 22:51

Our DS is a couple of years younger.

Best move we ever made was to "aid" his moving out. Now we don't need to be concerned with when he gets home!

I have absolutely no desire to poke my nose into his love life BUT I do admit to wanting to know something about any woman he gets serious about.

I don't want to have to deal with a DIL-from-hell.

I await flaming now.

I've read too many AIBU threads from rampantly unreasonable DIL on here.

Disclaimer: I know some MIL are unreasonable too!

annh · 17/02/2013 22:53

How long has your son been seeing this woman? If he has spent a few nights at her house, he is not "living with her at weekends".

badguider · 17/02/2013 22:53

just cause he's spent a few weekends at her house does not mean it's serious - i didn't introduce my parents to everybody i was shagging for a bit.. only those i was really serious about - maybe two in total before dh...

Salmotrutta · 17/02/2013 22:57

Oh, and your "friend" is a loon.

I have even less desire to know about the love life of my friends' DCs than I do about my own DS's love life.

Why would anyone care about their friend's DCs love lives?? Confused.

Is it competitive?... "My son's girlfriend is better than your son's girlfriend"??

scottishmummy · 17/02/2013 22:57

Hell no,29yo an you don't need to vet his girlfriends
And at 29 no I'd not be inlined to meet mum if bloke I was seeing
I thought youd be meaning a 17yo adolescent

squeakytoy · 17/02/2013 22:59

Would you allow her to spend the night with him at your house?

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsase · 17/02/2013 22:59

My MoL was most put out not to meet me until I'd been with DP for four months (we were both 19, both living away from home). The very first meeting we had, she looked me up and down and said 'Oh, so this is sadeyed? I was beginning to doubt she existed.' I love her now though.

It is a bit weird that your friend has FB friended her - I think you have to laugh it off with your friends and say 'oh, DS knows what he's doing, we'll meet her soon enough.' Maybe DS's GF knows that you are friends with the FB requestee, and doesn't want the requestee to say to you 'Well, I tried to be friends with her, but she was just so off with me!'

And maybe, this relationship is a big deal for your DS. So he wants to be sure of things before you meet?*

*That said, I don't want to sound mean, but he's 29 and still living at home? Why?

Salmotrutta · 17/02/2013 23:08

sadeyed - you do know that there are more and more young people staying in the parental home due to financial constraints now?

Moving out the minute you hit 18/19 only really became the norm for DC who didnt go to university about 20 years ago I think.

chocolatespiders · 17/02/2013 23:15

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsase - I am fully expecting my dd's to still be living with me wuntil they are 35 ish. The price of housing is so unrealistic now.

Casmama · 17/02/2013 23:17

I think you are getting quite a hard time over this OP. Icant imagine why one of your friends has befriended her on Facebook and can understand how that makes things awkward for you. It seems a little unkind that she will be FB friends with friends of yours but can't pop in for a cuppa,

I hope you meet her soon.

TheSecondComing · 17/02/2013 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumeeee · 17/02/2013 23:21

YABU. He is an adult and doesn't have to bring her home to meet you. DD2 has been going out with her boyfriend for 6 months and we still haven't met him. That's mainly because she has left home and lives about 3 hours drive from us. DD1 has met him as she doesn't live far from DD2

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsase · 17/02/2013 23:27

I sounded mean there, I shouldn't have done. Both DP & I left home at 18 for various reasons. Aged thirty, we moved into rental property (previous home was supplied by work). We're 33, I don't expect that we will ever own a property. We had a while in a house that wasn't entirely covered by housing benefit, so my ESA made up the difference. We're private renting now, and it's tough.

So I'm not criticising people who don't own their own home, and I know how crippling rent can be. But I do think that people should be more realistic - if you can't afford a lovely executive flat, there's no shame in having a bedsit, and you might feel better if, aged 30, you have your own basic place, rather than an awkward arrangement with your parents.

scottishmummy · 17/02/2013 23:33

Maternal interest is natural but you have to play it cool
If he decides to introduce you two, great
In mean time, don't be too intrusive

Salmotrutta · 17/02/2013 23:35

But it was the norm for people to stay with their parents until they married up until about the 80s.

It's a "modern" phenomenon to move out the minute you hit 18!

And it's different in other countries too...

Salmotrutta · 17/02/2013 23:36

That was to sadeyed BTW.

Flisspaps · 17/02/2013 23:43

Bloody hell, I didn't meet DHs parents until we'd been together 6 months!

ComposHat · 18/02/2013 00:39

Adult son that still lives at home?

Domineering mother with an unhealthy interest in her son's girlfriend?

Is this real life or a leftover script from the mid 80s Ronnie Corbett sitcom: 'Sorry!'

AnyFucker · 18/02/2013 00:46

yup, and OP doesn't want to "meet" her son's gf

she insists on "seeing" her

a rather telling difference in tone between those two scenario, methinks

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/02/2013 00:56

"TBH I would say to DS 'you know you have XYZ on FB? Shes a nosey old bat, keeps telling me you were at XYZ, be a love and delete her, she's spying on you'"
Good advice from HollyBerryBush. Your friend's behaviour is totally bizarre.