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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to kill oh

49 replies

ClaireandGeorge · 08/02/2013 15:48

OH keeps leaving George (a walking 1 year old)upstairs unattended. We have no stairgate at the top of our stiars as we can't fit one. He says he can see the stairs and can hear what he's doing and it's fine.

I just can't get him to see the danger. I am currently working full time at the moment covering maternity leave so he is having him 3 or 3 1/2 days a week. When I am back to part time hours childcare will then be covered by my Mum and childminder again. It's making me feel sick as I just can't trust him. We have had yet another arguement about it and he has hung up on me.

HELP!

OP posts:

plummyjam · 08/02/2013 15:56

YANBU but I can't offer any practical suggestions. It's patently obvious that he could fall down the stairs and why your adult OH can't comprehend that is beyond me. What else are you supposed to do other than tell him?? Are you 100% certain there is no stair gate that fits the top of your stairs?

sooperdooper · 08/02/2013 15:58

He might be able to see the stairs, but he wouldn't be able to get there quick enough if something happened, he'd just be able to see him fall, and if something terrible did happen I don't think social services would view it in a good light

Could you get a carpenter to make a bespoke stair gate?

StitchAteMySleep · 08/02/2013 16:03

How about this Pascal Kiddyguard stair gate?

grants1000 · 08/02/2013 16:07

Quiet kids are always up to something, like about to fall down the stairs, you can only hear them when they fall and then it's too late. What is he doing that means he can't be with him?

A cracked skull and brain damage and your other half being a know it all dick V sefety and a happy healthy child.

He's a deluded knobhead - sorry, you are are totally right. Your DH could only be distracted for half a second and it could happen. Would be be happy with that?

Original poster

ClaireandGeorge · 08/02/2013 16:09

We live in an old house with wattle and daub walls. So there is there is a dodgey wall one side and nothing the otherside as the bannister started on the second stair down. Quite hard to explain really. We have a gate at the bottom and I manage fine. If I'm upstairs with him then I just shut the door to whatever room I'm in.

I just don't know what I can say to him to make him see sense. It's making me feel sick. It's just not the stairs. He's having and exploring/climbing stage so whilst I don't believe in wrapping them in cotton wool I don't like to leave him alone too long.

I don't think we could afford to get a carpenter in, I just need him to use some common sense.

OP posts:

NoTeaForMe · 08/02/2013 16:10

Could you put a stairgates somewhere else. Perhaps on a door frame, then your son could be in that one room safely. Or maybe somewhere across the landing, not directly across the stairs but still blocking them off?

MrsBucketxx · 08/02/2013 16:11

we dont have a gate at the top either, but my 18 month old is never left on her own. so no issue,

leaving a baby unattended upstairs without a gate us very stupid.

cestlavielife · 08/02/2013 16:12

where is he when ds is left unattended? in another room? downstairs? cant he stick ds in a playpen if he needs to go toilet or whatever ?why is he not attedndng to him eg is it to do housework or ??

Original poster

ClaireandGeorge · 08/02/2013 16:15

Grants, no I would not be happy. I 100% realise the danger, the worst of it is is he's a fireman so should be sensible.

I am going to seriously lose my rag with him (a very rare occurence)I think and perhaps this will make him see sense. This may sound stupid but I think I'm going to tell his Sister and his Mum as the more of nagging him the more it will sink in. Just going to be impossible to trust him though. I just want to cry.

I have decided going to go out Saturday (he's away at work) and see if there's something to be done and do it myself.

OP posts:

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 08/02/2013 16:18

Why don't you scare your husband to death. Get something (I'm not sure what, perhaps a bag of sand dressed in your son's clothing) and when you are upstairs with your son, and your husband is downstairs, throw the item down the stairs so it goes thud, thud, thud....... and then scream and shout "oh my God, baby George"

Make it really realistic, get down to the bottom of the stairs before your husband does and cradle said bag of sand in your arms whilst wailing and screaming. Make sure your husband can't see the bag of sand you are cradling. When he comes running and has the fear of God put in him because he thinks your baby is seriously injured from falling down the stairs, he will stop being such a knobhead! If that doesn't work, then kill him!

He is being lazy - it's easier on him to have your baby upstairs out of his way then to actually look after him.

izzybobsmum · 08/02/2013 16:21

When I was a baby, I was upstairs with my mum. She turned her back for only a split second. I fell down a steep set of stairs, and crashed through the glass door that was at the bottom. I was very lucky to escape with only stitches in my head. Tell him that!

Original poster

ClaireandGeorge · 08/02/2013 16:24

cestlavielife, yes he is doing housework such as going downstairs to put a wash on. I manage this without putting ds in any danger. I put him in his cot if I have to leave him upstairs. If I'm going to be more than a few minutes I take him down with me.

Dreaming, what a good idea.

OP posts:

Buzzardbird · 08/02/2013 16:27

Could you not fit the stairgate on the second or third step down from the top then if he does fall it will only be a few inches. Not ideal I know, but better than the alternative?

mum2bubble · 08/02/2013 16:39

put a stairgate in the door opening to the room he is left in &/or get a large babydan type playpen for downstairs

quoteunquote · 08/02/2013 16:40

Ours just use to go down feet first on their tummies,

we never had any stair gates cottage type landing and foot of the stair, so there was never space for one and being able to undo it safely,

and no accidents either, but our children were use to being careful, when they started to crawl up, we would make sure they only went up a few steps and then came down, using three points of contact feet first and on tummy, they were taught to do it safely,

so even if you do get one to put your mind at rest spend lots of time showing him how to do a descent safely, then if he does go for it, he can control it.

MrsKeithRichards · 08/02/2013 16:50

dreaming that's pretty fucking creepy

MrsMangoBiscuit · 08/02/2013 16:55

Sorry Dreaming but I don't know if that's a good idea. Obviously better than letting a child fall downstairs, but it doesn't sit right with me. If DH ever played a prank on me that involved me thinking DD had been seriously hurt I don't know if I'd ever trust him again. It just seems very macabre.

HeadfirstForHalos · 08/02/2013 16:56

DC 4 fell down the stairs at 18 months after the older dc left the gate open, hitting the ajar door at the bottom head on. He still has the scar from his forehead, through his eyebrow, just past his eye to his cheek. Seeing your baby screaming whilst having his wound cleaned and stitched in A&E was not an afternoon I ever want to repeat.

It's a very real danger, we were just lucky it wasn't a more serious head or neck injury.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 08/02/2013 16:57

You might also look like a bit of a nutcase to be honest - he could see it as just "silly hysterical dramatics" when actually this is a deadly serious issue that he needs to face up to.

HeadfirstForHalos · 08/02/2013 17:02

Just to add, dc 4 was pretty good with the stairs, I always taught him to go up and down safely, it just took one little wobble at the top.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 08/02/2013 17:04

MrsKeithRichards & MangoBiscuits - I think I got a bit carried away with myself! It does make me sound slightly twisted! I'm really not

I was just really disgusted to read the OP and that her 'D'H doesn't seem to give a damn whether her son is placed in danger or not.

As creepy or macabre as it sounds, it is sadly the reality of what could happen if he doesn't start ensuring that his child is properly cared for and is kept safe. I mean what kind of idiot leaves a 1 year old to roam around upstairs when there is no stairgate?! I can't imagine he has even been walking that long she says not really having the faintest idea when children actually start to walk

amillionyears · 08/02/2013 17:08

I agree with dreaming.
Anything is better than what the reality could end up being.

magimedi · 08/02/2013 17:08

I'd show him this thread.

Whoknowswhocares · 08/02/2013 17:09

Bit extreme Dreaming!!! Reduces the likelihood of him coming running if there were a real emergency too don't you think?

ohfunnyhoneyface · 08/02/2013 17:12

Yeah, dreaming that does sound mental.

He needs to stop doing it!!!

How can he not see the danger?? Is he thick?

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