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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be mad with dh

98 replies

city1984 · 26/01/2013 09:52

Last night ds had an accident. It involved me taking ds to hospital. Dh couldn't do it as he had to stay in. So he looked after 4 month ok dd. She was unsettled. He tried all the usual stuff to calm her. Nothing worked so he put her in cot and lef her to cry whilst he sat watching tv. She eventually went to sleep. I know he may not have been able to calm her. (Probably needed breast for comfort) but leaving her crying in the cot so he could watch tv. Surely he could have done more.(Think she cried for half an hour)

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 26/01/2013 09:55

Surely he could have done more

I know he may not have been able to calm her.

Probably needed breast for comfort

Well I suppose he could have grown a pair of breasts and started lactating on demand Hmm

pictish · 26/01/2013 09:56

I've done that.
Is he generally shite at dealing with the kids?

AGivenNickname · 26/01/2013 09:56

YANBU if he's just put her there and gone off to do his own thing. YABU if he's tried everything like comforting, nappy changing, feed...list could go on. Could it be that she was just over-tired? Maybe she wouldn't settle because she could sense you weren't there?

pictish · 26/01/2013 09:56

I mean I have left my baby in the cot to cry.

pictish · 26/01/2013 09:57

After trying everything...and feeling like I was going to implode.

AGivenNickname · 26/01/2013 09:57

Holly, that made me laugh! I just spluttered tea everywhere Blush

LindyHemming · 26/01/2013 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollyBerryBush · 26/01/2013 09:58

Does no harm to let a baby cry it out.

You can tell the difference between a hungry cry, a tired cry, a hurt cry etc

BoundandRebound · 26/01/2013 09:59

She's fine, she went to sleep

He doesn't have breasts so had no other recourse.

Putting her down rather than continuing to over stimulate her was probably a sensible solution

And there is no way he was just watching tv, he was listening to her from another room

complexnumber · 26/01/2013 10:00

So, you came home to a sleeping baby.

And you are mad with your dh.

diddl · 26/01/2013 10:00

Why did he have to stay in?

Was it really more important than taking his son to hospital so that you could stay with bfed baby?

dreamingbohemian · 26/01/2013 10:01

I think it depends how long she cried. 30 minutes is a long time to ignore a crying baby.

Why did he have to stay in? Why couldn't he take DS to the hospital?

AGivenNickname · 26/01/2013 10:04

OP, your DH must have been the one to tell you he'd left her there to cry to sleep - did he also tell you he'd tried everything or did he just put her there at the first oppurtunity?

TBH, I doubt she's affected by just being left - leaving a baby cry sometimes when you've tried everything is sometimes the only thing you can do.

Original poster
city1984 · 26/01/2013 11:07

He said that she wouldn't take dummy or bottle and claimed he tried to comfort her but he is not the most patient person so I guess his prescence wouldn't be calming. He also admitted that he put her in cot upstairs and went downstairs to watch tv. Sorry drip feeding but didn't want to make post too long as on phone. Incidently i was having a shower this am. I left her happy in cot in next room. She started crying and dh didn't bother to check on her. It is as if he thinks its my job!

OP posts:
Emilythornesbff · 26/01/2013 11:11

That would have upset me too.
But he just has a different way of dealing with her than you do.
Why did he have to stay in? (nosy)
I immediately assumed he was unable to drive Wine so you had to go to hospital.
Hope ds is ok.

Original poster
city1984 · 26/01/2013 11:14

Sorry. He had a telephone interview. Fortunately dd wasn't crying at that point.

OP posts:
sudaname · 26/01/2013 11:16

Well she went to sleep so there obviously wasnt that much wrong with her care. I dont see anything wrong with it as long as she wasnt doing half an hours hernia inducing full pitch screaming whilst he did his own thing.

dreamingbohemian · 26/01/2013 11:16

Did you ask him why he didn't go to her this morning?

Is he a lazy type bloke?

Greensleeves · 26/01/2013 11:19

I would have been pissed off if my dh had done this. He should at least have been cuddling her. Holding her isn't "over-stimulating", it's basic care of a tiny infant. I think leaving a 4mo baby in a room alone to "cry it out" is cruel.

Bunbaker · 26/01/2013 11:21

How is your DS now?

I think men are wired differently to women when it comes to babies crying. They find it much more easy to switch off whereas we don't. If DD had been inconsolable at that age I would have just put her to the breast. If your DD is only comforted by breastfeeding there isn't much else your husband could have done.

Emilythornesbff · 26/01/2013 11:23

I know it's not a popular view but men are different from women Shock
That's not to say they're all the same of course but we mothers have different responses to a crying baby that are in part related to our hormones.

It is possible he does see it as your job to see to your ds. Maybe it's worth a chat so you don't end up falling out over it.
Sorry about theWine assumption.

dreamingbohemian · 26/01/2013 11:25

I don't think you can say this is an inherent male-female difference. My DH is not any slower to respond when DS cries than I am.

I think men are more likely to believe it's not their job but there's nothing biological or natural about that. They're just choosing to be lazy.

Greensleeves · 26/01/2013 11:25

I don't think it's a "men are different" thing. It's just lazy. My dh wouldn't have left a crying baby alone upstairs and sat watching the telly. It's a bit insulting to fathers to imply that neglecting a distressed baby is a man thing Hmm

dreamingbohemian · 26/01/2013 11:26

Exactly, Greensleeves

JumpingJackSprat · 26/01/2013 11:28

mountain out of a molehill. has the baby been harmed by being left to go to sleep? did he adequately look after her? did she go to sleep? think you need to get over it and realise he will do things differently to you from time to time. your way isnt necessarily the right way.