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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that I could happily leave family behind without a second thought?

108 replies

shrimponastick · 19/01/2013 16:57

Just been watching Wanted Down Under Revisited.

Obviously it is a great show - you get to see a bit of each region, find out about the way of life etc. But the bit which gets my goat is the dvd showing the distraught family members 'back home' saying how much they will miss the grand kids etc. Everyone gets upset.

So, am I wrong in thinking that if I/We wanted to go and live elsewhere in the near future that I wouldn't miss my family/friends?

Are we supposed to live in our families' pockets and see them every day?

I would want to take DH and DS - the rest I can take or leave.

Am I the only one??

OP posts:
wewereherefirst · 19/01/2013 17:05

We moved - for DH's job- 70 miles further from our nearest relative and live 4hours minimum from the rest of our families. I do miss having my friends/family but with the internet and Skype you're never really far away from family!

I know my IL's and my mum miss seeing the DC but it's not as if we were in each others pockets in the first place.

ceres · 19/01/2013 17:08

i wouldn't consider moving anywhere too far away.

i'm irish and lived in england for years - always with the view of moving home eventually because of wanting to be near my family.

LadyBeagleEyes · 19/01/2013 17:13

I'd miss them to bits but it wouldn't stop me moving for a better life.
So YABU and YANBU.

AThingInYourLife · 19/01/2013 17:15

"I would want to take DH and DS - the rest I can take or leave."

I pity you.

Ruprekt · 19/01/2013 17:16

I live 200 miles away from mine and do not miss any of them at all.

Tis nice to meet up but great to get home again.

LindyHemming · 19/01/2013 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TraineeBabyCatcher · 19/01/2013 17:18

I have a very good relationship with my family but I would have no qualms moving from the UK to the other side of the world so long as I had ds and dp with me, and a good means of contact.
Dp on the other hand, I think, is still attached to the umbilical cord and would never cope.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 19/01/2013 17:19

How sad that you can take or leave your family and friends and wouldn't miss them. Like AThingInYourLife I pity you, I really do.

Ragwort · 19/01/2013 17:24

My parents happily moved 300 miles away from their own (grown up) children Grin - for the last 20 years I haven't lived near any family members, it would be nice (in some ways) to be nearer family especially for babysitting but I find it a little odd that so many adult families almost live in each others' pockets IYSWIM. (Just look at some of the bizarre threads on mumsnet !) Now my own son is growing up I would want him to take every opportunity that life offers him and if that means moving to Australia then so be it; I would be glad I had bought him up to be confident. Smile.

Celticlassie · 19/01/2013 17:25

I'd really miss family and friends - I don't think I could move.

WidowWadman · 19/01/2013 17:26

When I moved abroad (nowhere near as far as Australia but just from Germany to the UK) it hurt me to leave my family and friends behind, and it hurt them that I left. I knew it was the right decision and I've got no regrets, and they were all genuinly happy for me, but of course it hurts, and of course I miss them, and no matter how happy I'm here, and how much skype, facebook, phone and holiday help, it's not that easy to leave, and I'd find it really weird if it was.

I'd be quite upset, if noone was sad at seeing me leave, too.

That said, I had no idea how hard it is, until it became reality.

Pandemoniaa · 19/01/2013 17:26

2 out of our combined 5 dcs work and live outside the UK for most of the time. My ds1 is likely to settle permanently in the USA. We would never dream of putting pressure on them to stay in England but while we mightn't be distraught or devastated we miss them nonetheless because we love them. I hadn't realised this was abnormal.

blueraincoat · 19/01/2013 17:27

What is all this pitying going on? How patronising! The OP doesn't need to see her family all the time, so what? doesn't mean she loves them any less than all those people who pop in and out of their families houses everyday. Families are different, people are different.

thegreylady · 19/01/2013 17:30

My son lives in Turkey and he has a great life there. I miss him and his family very much but I am also glad he has found success and happiness.

TraineeBabyCatcher · 19/01/2013 17:31

I was thinking the same bluerain. Why pity people who are perfectly happy individuals, who love and care about people important to them, just because they don't have the same sort of relationships/attachments as others.
I know I don't have the same requirement to see my family as dp does his but I don't think either is better than the other.

Original poster
shrimponastick · 19/01/2013 17:32

Thanks for all your responses.

Perhaps those of you who wouldn't leave their family like them? I would probably miss friends more than family - as they are the people that I choose to spend time with, rather than being obliged to.

Everyone has different ideas when it comes to familes.

OP posts:
AlienReflux · 19/01/2013 17:33

Funny this because my DP would love to move to Oz, we could too, better pay,bigger house. I couldn't do it though, I live 60 miles from my family, and that's too far!
family is really important to me, a big house vs my kids knowing my mum? no contest.

DameFanny · 19/01/2013 17:35

today I'm not even sure I'd want to take DH and DS with me

LovesGSD · 19/01/2013 17:35

I agree with OP, if I had the chance to move then I wouldSmile, not everyone has a great family.

AlienReflux · 19/01/2013 17:36

Yes shrimp if I didn't get on with my family, I could live just seeing friends once a year, and make new ones.

NorbertDentressangle · 19/01/2013 17:36

For those of you who "pity" the OP....does it ever occur to you that not everyone has close, loving relationships with their extended family. Everyone/every family is different and not all people feel that they have to have daily contact with their mums/dads/siblings etc.

Also, it is possible to love and feel close to relations without living in each others pockets.

AThingInYourLife · 19/01/2013 17:41

I think it is really sad to have nobody in your life other than your spouse and child that you couldn't "take or leave".

It clearly does mean you love the people in your life less than someone who cares about them deeply and would miss them if they moved away.

A good support network is one of the most valuable things you can have in life.

Some people hold it cheap and think "quality of life" is defined by the number of bedrooms in your house.

They are fools.

AThingInYourLife · 19/01/2013 17:43

"For those of you who "pity" the OP....does it ever occur to you that not everyone has close, loving relationships with their extended family"

Um... obviously.

Whatdoiknowanyway · 19/01/2013 17:44

When younger I might have done it. I was very glad that my parents moved close to me when they grew older. I have seen the stress on friends in Australia and USA when parents are increasingly vulnerable and they live too far away to be able to care for them. I'm glad I was able to be there for them in their later years.
What my own children will do I have no idea. They are currently studying 300 miles away from home. It's not ideal but we're in touch every day by text, phone,Skype, whatever. I would never try to hold them back but I can understand why some parents are tempted to.

blueraincoat · 19/01/2013 17:47

A good support network is one of the most valuable things you can have in life

That network doesn't have to be family. You don't need to live near that network necessarily. People build new networks all the time.

It clearly does mean you love the people in your life less than someone who cares about them deeply and would miss them if they moved away.

Wow you are nice. Hmm You are also so wrong.