To think that I could happily leave family behind without a second thought?

[shrimponastick]

Just been watching Wanted Down Under Revisited.

Obviously it is a great show - you get to see a bit of each region, find out about the way of life etc. But the bit which gets my goat is the dvd showing the distraught family members 'back home' saying how much they will miss the grand kids etc. Everyone gets upset.

So, am I wrong in thinking that if I/We wanted to go and live elsewhere in the near future that I wouldn't miss my family/friends?

Are we supposed to live in our families' pockets and see them every day?

I would want to take DH and DS - the rest I can take or leave.

Am I the only one??

On these shows no-one says - good luck and all the best! We are thinking of moving to australia and part of the deal is that we rein in the spending (no problem as used to being skint) and save for a long holiday in europe once a year. Also my parents are really looking forward to the idea and are threatening to show up with suitcases and stay for months!!! We want an experience for our family and that won't happen living in the same town for the entire time our DD grows up.

I moved from my home country (13 hour flight away) to UK 14 years ago to take up a job in London. I knew no one. I did not miss my parents or friends too much. I had a shiny new job and new colleagues and just made new friends - cannot say the British were particularly easy nut to crack though, though I eventually married one. In London, there are lots of people who work here that were not born here, many Antipodeans, Europeans, Americans included.

I would be gobsmacked if anyone said they felt sorry for me. They should feel sorry for my parents, perhaps. The thought you could not move away from your family and friends is so limiting in a global economy. My colleagues would find some of the attitudes on this thread quite bizarre.

I have a good relationship with my family but had no qualms at all about moving overseas.

I did build up gradually - 6 months in Europe aged 17/18, a year in Asia aged 20/21, then a move to Japan 'for maybe three years or so' aged 26, which turned into 12 years; both DCs were born there. We only moved back to the UK a few years ago because DH died, otherwise we would probably still be somewhere in Asia or Australia.

I was in regular touch with my family through letters, phone calls & later email; if we were still there we'd probably be skyping. We came back to the UK for a few weeks every year, and to be honest probably spent as much time in total with the family as we would have if we'd stayed in the UK, as we wouldn't have been in the same city and so would only have seen them for a few weekends/holidays a year.

The only time when distance is an issue is if there is some major crisis, which with my increasingly frail and elderly parents is happening more regularly.

googlyeyes I find it odd that a child would miss having extended family around if they had only ever had the nuclear family there - how can they miss what they have never had? Or did you move abroad mid-childhood? I don't think my DCs found it odd not to have grandparents etc around at Christmas, because that is what they were used to.

YANBU at all

I was 22 when I moved to London to further my career. I had never even lived out of home, never left Perth, Australia. Had no friends or family here, no job or home to go to. That was 10 years ago this year.

I have had a great career so far, I met my (Sydney, Australian) DH here, bought a house here, had my daughter here. I love London. I like that we don't need a car here or live in a woeful kit home suburb. I love that there is loads to do and it is easy to travel.

I do miss my family but we Skype and phone all the time. Sometimes they feel like they see me more than my brothers who live in the same town still. My Mum was here for the birth and my MIL was here just before (planned her trip a few weeks before we fell pregnant!). We spent a month in Australia last year visiting both sides of the family. This year we are going to Sydney for SILs wedding, with a week stopover in Singapore with my parents. Even if we wanted to move back it would mean choosing one family over the other and it is still best for us career wise here.

Our daughter is a dual citizen and I genuinely hope this gives her the opportunity to settle where she is happy. Although thankfully she is only 6 months old so have a few years before that happens.

I think it just shows people are different aren't they? No one is wrong or right.
And the world needs travellers and people who like their roots.

But to the posters who would go as long as they have their partners and children, aren't your children likely to be more nomadic?

And how would you cope with that? I hope my children go off travelling and live in other countries, but I know I'll find it difficult.

We went 12,000 miles and don't miss any of them. Two reasons - the first that we just don't miss some of them, and the second that we have these wonderful things called telephones and Skype.

We have been inundated with relations since mid December and they won't all go until the end of December. Most we might admit to being glad to wave off!

Friends on the other hand are a different matter. There are some with open hearts and arms I would love to be able to see in person but have to manage with e-relationships.

There are more friends we've made since the move who I would feel the same about if we reversed our decision. In that way whatever we do in the future it'll be difficult. But you know what? We're grownups and can cope! And the DSs are wonderful and happy and miss some people like we do but also have wonderful friends where we live now.

If you want to go for it then do it for you and your very nearest. Good luck to anyone considering it. We haven't looked back.

I do sometimes miss my family but mostly not unless there is a crisis. We also have agreed to always go back once a year and our parents come over frequently too. There is talk of them coming to live here which would be great.

The thing that amazes me more about those programs is how little research people seem to have done! They all think Australia will mean an enormous house, life at the beach, more time with their kids etc but in reality houses are expensive unless you live in the middle of nowhere, you still have to work there, same as here and often people can't afford to live on the beach.

I grew up in a lovely sunny climate but for 6 months of the year we never ventured outdoors as it was raining! I love the British attitude of enjoying the sunshine or getting dressed up for the rain and carrying on regardless. The long summer nights are amazing too. At least there are months when you see daylight after work.

"I pity the posters whi have said they pity the op. God forbid having the desire to move away and life in a dufferent place from your family"

I have moved to several countries and multiple continents in my life.

I still feel sorry for people with nobody to miss if they leave.

"We want an experience for our family and that won't happen living in the same town for the entire time our DD grows up."

Travelling is only one kind of experience.

Someone who lived in the same town all their life could have more interesting and worthwhile experiences than someone who moved far away.

I'm close to my mum and dad but if living abroad meant better opportunities for me and my family, I would go like a shot.

And they would never bleat about missing us - they would never lay that kind if emotional guilt on me.

Life is for living and you must do as you see fit.

Pity the op? Ridiculous statement although I think she would find she would miss those she left behind. That's fine and normal though.

Going to different places doesn't make you interesting.

Some of the most tedious people, with the least insight, and the most anodyne stories to tell, are people who are always moving from place to place but never settle anywhere.

It's not the fact of moving about (particularly now that it is trivially easy) that makes for interesting experiences. It's what you do when you get there.

Unless you move somewhere really interesting and different then life in your home country and life in your new country are essentially going to be the same. We've enjoyed exploring North America, but there again we've missed out on exploring Europe. Our children can't really remember the UK or English life, so if we stay here they will be as interesting or boring as every other Canadian.

I don't think that personally my life is any more exciting than my siblings who have not left the UK or my sister in Australia. There are cultural differences of course, but they are all still very much in the Western world. If I'd really wanted adventure I'd have up sticks and traveled to far more interesting places (but not lived there I suspect) but that's not really the premise of Down Under, as it's more about leaving for good, which not surprisingly can upset those left behind.

It's a lot easier if all your relatives are fairly young and healthy. Then there's "always next year" in your thoughts about seeing them. We are having a family bereavement at the moment and it is awful to be in separate countries from eachother and of no practical help.
I only live

I currently live the other side of the world but dont have kids. It is hard, I speak to my parents everyday using skype and similar services and miss them, especially at the moment as I am just back from a visit and it takes a while for me to settle.

I always talked about going home when I have kids so I can be near them (they are amazing Grandparents) but they want me to do whats best for me and my family and Australia does offer some great opportunities so we will see! The bf is Aussie but hes not very close to his family so there wouldnt a problem there.

I also miss my friends but not in the same way

Wow, lots of value judgements going on about people not loving or caring about their family much if they can comfortably move away.

Everyone is an individual, not simply an extension of their family. It's quite possible to love and like your wider family without feeling you have to live within spitting distance of them. We're hundreds of miles from family and I don't see it as a problem at all- we visit now and then and obviously there are phone calls and texts. Australia is obviously a lot further but tbh the only thing that might hold me back was whether family (and us) has sufficient funds for visits. Not the distance itself.

I always find it weird when adults can't contemplate moving any distance from their extended family. Life is there to be lived. I would feel awful if my kids grew up and didn't feel able to live and work where they wanted because of some 'duty' to not move too far

thinking about it more, I do think money makes the distance a lot less. When we were doing our plans to move (which if DH had got the job, we'd have done) we were assuming 2 trips back to the UK a year, we were planning those costs in to our budget (assuming coming back for Christmas, and us coming back in the summer, DH only staying a couple of weeks then returning to work and then me staying another month over the school holidays).

We are also fortunate enough that both sets of parents could easily afford at least one, probably 2 trips a year if they wanted to come over, both siblings could also easily afford flights and we could have afforded a 3 bed place (so putting the DCs in together and having a spare room for guests). That would mean realistically, we'd see family every 3-4 months if they wanted to come over, 6 months if they didn't. In an emergancy, we'd always be able to afford for at least me and the DCs to fly home under short notice.

You do hear of people moving to the otherside of the world who don't budget in flights back to their home country, or can only afford to come home every other year, their families not having the disposable income to go to them frequently.

Near and far are relative to your ability to cover that distance. (that and as my parents have a holiday house in France, I'm used to them disappearing for a month at a time and it not being a big deal...)

Plus I do think that it's unfair on future generations that effectively where you've chosen to settle limits their life chances. Why should their choice to live in city X mean that I have to stay there for my life/within a 1 hour drive when city Y or even country Y might be more suitable for my family needs? Why should the decisions taken by the previous generations limit the current ones options?

"I always find it weird when adults can't contemplate moving any distance from their extended family. Life is there to be lived. I would feel awful if my kids grew up and didn't feel able to live and work where they wanted because of some 'duty' to not move too far"

I find it weird that you think the only reason to live near to people you love is a sense of duty.

For some people living life is about the people in that life.

"Wow, lots of value judgements going on about people not loving or caring about their family much if they can comfortably move away."

Your post is just a value judgment of people who don't want to move away.

People who think they're wild adventurous moving to the Ozzie suburbs seem to be happily disparaging of others who like where they grew up and then terribly offended if anyone disparages their choices.

Absolutely- life is about the people in your life- but that doesn't have to be just your extended family. And why should loving and caring about people mean you need to be geographically close?
I think a good way to look at this is to think about your own children, and how you would feel if as adults they get married, get jobs, and want to move somewhere else in the world? Are you going to assume that means they don't love you any more? Are you going to use subtle guilt tripping to make them feel bad about their choice? Or would you embrace the fact that you've raised confident and Independent individuals?

Another thought- many people meet their Partner at university or through work so it's highly likely you won't have come from the same area anyway. So it would be physically impossible to live near both sets of extended family even if you wanted to.

But what if my children don't want to move away, do I need to presume I have raised losers who are unable to live their own lives?

"And why should loving and caring about people mean you need to be geographically close?"

Because maybe you want the special intimacy that comes from casual, regular, corporeal interaction?

Wanting to make your life far away from where you were raised isn't better than wanting to stay nearby.

It's just different.

And I say that as someone who doesn't live where I grew up and who has made my home in various places around the world over the years.

My preferences don't have any moral dimension. They don 't make me better than friends and family who stayed.

I didn't say anything about a moral dimension. I was responding to some of the astoundingly ignorant and narrow views that unless you live close enough to pop into family every day or week then you can't love or like them as much as if you do.

I don't think anyone said that, did they?

People seem to think that I said that and I said nothing of the sort.

And sorry, but there's plenty of moral dimension in thinking people are weird if they want to live close to family.

And while you might well care very much for the people you leave behind, it is likely that the bonds between the people who stay close and see one another regularly will grow ever closer while you will have to work hard to keep them at the same level as when you left.