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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be happy cosleeping?

56 replies

KoalaTale · 15/01/2013 12:29

Dd is 13mo and sleeps in our bed every night. She goes to sleep in her cot in her room for a couple of hours from 7pm, giving me a chance to have dinner/bath/tidy up and chat to dh. Then she wakes about 930 and wants to sleep cuddling in our bed.

For a while we tried lots of techniques to keep her in the cot longer, all resulted in her crying hysterically and sometimes making herself sick (we tried laying next to cot,rocking,singing,total darkness and even a few minutes of CIO which I won't ever do again :( .

Anyway, dh and I have come to the conclusion that dd is better off in our bed, she sleeps well, has a bf a couple of times which I virtually sleep through and we all get a good night sleep.

When I get asked about sleep by hv/mil/fil/dm/dbro and any other person who is nosey interested they all sigh, tell me about rod for my back or tell me they wouldn't put up with it. Tbh I'm quite fed up of all the negative comments and I do enjoy cosleeping - last night dd smiled and cuddled and looked at me with such happiness and love it brought a tear to my eye.

Aibu to actually enjoy cosleeping and be fed up of people making me feel like I'm a bad parent for doing it? I don't care how other people sleep and don't see why I should lie to please the critics...

OP posts:

pjmama · 15/01/2013 12:32

Smile and ignore. If you're happy then it's nobody else's business.

WhatsTheBuzz · 15/01/2013 12:35

yanbu, she won't be in with you forever so enjoy it while you can. I like co-sleeping too, love the cuddles. DD and I lived with my parents for a while and had to share a bed due to lack of space - she's 7 now and has been in her own bed for years so IMO, 'rod for your own back' is nonsense.

millie30 · 15/01/2013 12:35

My 4 year old DS still sleeps in my bed, when I have put him in his own bed he always wakes and climbs in with me. He likes me to cuddle him to sleep, likes to know I'm there with him. I also enjoy it. I coudn't give a hoot what people think about this, you shouldn't either, just do what feels right for you!

HopAndSkip · 15/01/2013 12:39

Not at all unreasonable, I love co-sleeping. And I think my DD gets a lot more out of night times by being able to snuggle into warm mum and feel completely secure, rather than putting her in a cold dark cot where she cries.

I know "sleep training" could change this (as people constantly like to inform me...) but I really don't feel the need to. Especially as then it's impossible to tell if she's actually happy sleeping there, or just resigned to the fact that I won't respond to her cries.

WorkingtoohardMama · 15/01/2013 12:42

If you're all sleeping there's no problem, I'd much rather cosleep and everybody sleep than be up and down all night convincing dd to stay in her bed.

Ds slept with us till he was 3, now age 6 he sleeps well in his own bed, dd is almost 3, she starts in her bed and comes in to us in the early hours of the morning, I really think that co sleeping is lovely!

bluebiscuit · 15/01/2013 12:45

Ignore. If this arrangement suits your family, that's great. My nearly 7 yo would happily cosleep every night if given half a chance!

Jojobump1986 · 15/01/2013 12:46

The way I see it, if it's ok for you to co-sleep with your DH then it should be fine for any other member of the family, as long as you're all happy with it! Personally I'd rather co-sleep with DS than DH - he takes up less space! Unfortunately DS actually prefers to be in his cot. I'm v jealous that you get such lovely cuddles all night!

Yika · 15/01/2013 12:47

YANBU. I can't do without my sleep and started cosleeping in the early days of bf when I was afraid I would fall asleep and drop the baby during a night feed! So I just started bringing DD in the bed with me after the first night waking. Problem solved. I had long lie ins and everything, twas fab. She rarely sleeps with me now, age 2, but I like it on the odd occasion when she does. Ignore everyone else and do what you like.

malteserzz · 15/01/2013 12:47

I would hate it but if you and dh are happy that's all that matters.

HollyTheHedgehog · 15/01/2013 12:50

Long ago I had to start saying 'My choice of sleeping arrangements is not up for discussion.'

And Ive not had hassle since.

Or, simple do not discuss it at all yourself. Sad but true.

XiCi · 15/01/2013 12:51

Oh god, that old 'rod for your own back' crap. I hate it when that gets trotted out!
I'm with you OP, I love co-sleeping and so does DH. Love waking up with DD and getting little hugs and kisses in the night and everyone sleeps better.
I've learned not to talk about it because weirdly it seems frowned upon esp by the older generations. Though I don't know how anyone could think the Victorian way having a newborn baby shut in their own room away from the parents they depend on is preferable - and then wondering why they cry or wake in the night!

Original poster

KoalaTale · 15/01/2013 12:51

Thanks all, before dd was born I naively thought all babies liked sleeping in cots but I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in enjoying cosleeping.

Yika - when and how did your dd decide to no longer cosleep?

OP posts:

smellsofsick · 15/01/2013 12:54

Anyone who uses the "rod for your own back" nonsense should be punched on the nose immediately. So, in conclusion, YANBU.

Original poster

KoalaTale · 15/01/2013 12:55

Xici I've also found the older generation most scathing, though my elderly neighbour thinks its wonderful and is very supportive, she said they used to terrify you away from cosleeping when she had her children (1950s).

OP posts:

FantasticMax · 15/01/2013 13:00

YANBU if you and DH enjoy it.

I did it when DD was a newborn up until she was around 5 months. It was a lifesaver at the time but I never slept all that well. When DD got to 5 months she preferred wriggling and kicking to cuddling and that was that. She went into her cot and has slept there happily ever since.

I think you'll know yourself when it isn't working for you but it does for now and that's all that matters. Everyone else should butt out and in the meantime enjoy the cuddles!

secretscwirrels · 15/01/2013 13:03

If it works it's the best way for everyone to get the maximum sleep. I miss it now DS2 is 14

MegaClutterSlut · 15/01/2013 13:03

I co slept with both dc's and I must admit, it was a pain in the arse to get them to sleep in their own bed but as long as you are happy about, feck what anyone else thinks

sydlexic · 15/01/2013 13:10

I love co sleeping, just enjoy a cuddle much better than a power struggle where everyone gets upset.

Yika · 15/01/2013 13:12

When we moved house and she got her own room, at 6 months. She always started off in her own bed anyway, and for all I know would have been happy to stay there - it was really for my convenience that I put her in the bed with me. I sleep heavily and even a crying, feeding baby was not enough to get me fully awake. I used to fall back asleep as soon as she latched on. When we moved, she started sleeping through - but I think this was helped by the fact that i didn't disturb her when i went to bed, and it was easier to ignore a short waking cry if I was in the other room!!

Wallison · 15/01/2013 13:13

Definitely not BU. Anything that helps you all get sleep and keeps everyone happy is the right thing for you as a family to do. I think I said this on another thread on this subject but it's worth bearing in mind that it's only for a relatively short time and in a relatively small part of the world that babies have been expected to sleep on their own. And when you just look at all the hassle and angst that causes and the many books written about how to achieve this situation, all the parent-hours spent cajoling, ignoring, patting, shushing etc, all of which could be resolved by just doing what families have been doing for millenia, it seems crackers. Enjoy the cuddles!

welliesandpyjamas · 15/01/2013 13:19

I think it's lovely and 'true to nature' iykwim. DS2 coslept until he was 2ish and since then has never resisted sleeping peacefully in his own bed. When he was ready to go, he went. We tried to do what was 'expected' with DS1 (cot, own room, sleep training etc) and tbh just created problems for everyone: sleepless nights for everyone, anxiety for him, and upset for us. DD, now 3 months old, sleeps with us and everyone gets a peaceful night's sleep - there was no point fighting her need to be with us this time!

Some people will comment, others won't. Some people will like it, others won't. It's your life :-)

wigglesrock · 15/01/2013 13:28

I do it, with my 23 month old, although usually from about 1am onwards. It doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I did the same with dd2 and then she just stopped of her own accord before she was 3. For the first year of dd2 life, I thought by taking her into our bed I was "making a rod" etc, we were so miserable , she never slept, I was exhausted, grumpy, on edge, a feckin' nightmare really. I will always regret not making the decision to bring her in earlier.

Dd1 on the other hand, slept on her own, right through from a very early age

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 15/01/2013 13:50

YANBU. I spent so many sleepless nights trying to get my oldest dd to sleep in her own bed that in the end I just gave up and let her sleep where she wanted. When my 2nd dd was born I never even tried to get her into her own bed, she had a bedside cot next to me. The youngets is now 6 and she goes to sleep in her own bed but wakes every night and comes in with us, some nights my oldest, now 8, also comes in. It's a bit of a squash but neither me or my husband mind.

I said a long time ago that I don't mind where they sleep as long as they sleep. I can't be doing with up half the night arguing about where they should be, at least we all get a good nights sleep

TheUKGrinchImGluhweinkeller · 15/01/2013 13:57

YANBU at all, of course do it if it works for you, and be happy you are getting enough sleep, it must be wonderful if it works and why would you change a solution that everyone is happy with?

However those who co-sleeping work for are BU when they assume that those who are sleep deprived due to terrible sleeping toddlers should just co-sleep and would get enough sleep if they did so - it is not the same for everyone, and whilst its a lovely snuggly experience for some, other toddlers will only sleep on their mother's head and are very light sleepers, waking every time the adult they share with moves or tries to disentangle themselves from the grip the toddler has on their hair (bitter experience). I get a better night getting up and down to my toddler because he is so restless, such a light sleeper and so determined to lie on me all night - when I was breast feeding it was even worse, as far from making BF easier at night, he wouldn't accept lying with me unless latched on - all of the time, waking when unlatched no matter how carefully.

So be happy to co-sleep but not evangelical about it, beyond perhaps suggesting it once to somebody who is struggling - like most things it really doesn't work for everyone!

DoJo · 15/01/2013 23:42

If anyone hassles you just ask them about their sleeping arrangements - unless they are prepared to hear your thoughts on their night-time antics then they can button it.

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